DS is turning into somebody I can't stand

[MrsNouveauRichards]

DS has just turned 6. He has always been challenging - endless energy, horrific toddler tantrums, a biting phase, speech problems etc....

This summer he has become truly vile. He is abusive, rude, aggressive. He lies, he ignores any kind of request. A daily battle over shoes or socks, or brushing teeth will waste half an hour at a time.

Reward charts don't work, he either couldn't care less or he helps himself to the stickers/whatever.

Same with punishments - he will just argue the point with you.

If you explain things from a safetyor risk point of view he just throws it back in your face.
eg. "Don't stick your hand out the car window it's not safe"
"yes it is, I'm too fast and strong"

"DS behave yourself or you will made to miss this or that treat "
"I will steal your keys and drive there myself"

He has started falling out with his friends, and I'm worrying that he'll soon not be allowed at any clubs or childcare places.

Where do i start? I'm currently hating myself and have started tip toeing around him.

When I was a teen in foreign parts, child development was a compulsory subject in secondary. It was not badly taught and I still have the textbook (published 197`). This is what it has to say on the subject of 6yos (please excuse bad translation): "Emotions are strong and can swing madly: laughter-tears-fights-cuddles. A minor issue can lead to fits of rage, e.g. that the child cannot do up a button or does not get that particular piece of bread etc. Defiance is common, the child insists on having its own way and wants to be independent of others. the six-year old is dependent on its parents, but at the same time wants to free itself, particularly from its mother. All feelings are played out against her, and the child blames everything on her. During [this year the child] wants to be big, but also needs to be little at times." Don't know if it helps, but I certainly seem to recognise my ds at that age in this description.

Thank you, that does actually help a lot

Hi OP I hope your situation eases. I have an 8 yr old daughter who I think has PDA. It does make everyday tasks very challenging. Thanks everyone for the info too - all very useful. That map really sums up the advice well 😊

This book, Transforming the difficult child, is INCREDIBLE. Totally has transformed the way I interact with all children I know!

www.amazon.co.uk/Transforming-Difficult-Child-Nurtured-Approach/dp/1903269105

That book doesn't advocate anything like star charts or naughty steps or any of that, and also explains why these approaches often don't work, especially for intense children with a lot of energy.

Agree with explosive child and PDA. Don't listen with people blaming your parenting - the right parenting strategies will help a lot though, but you have to learn them. Good luck.

Aspergers or sensory issues? He sounds very similar to someone I know so it might be worth ruling out before calling him bold.

If it is just behaviour then there is a good book called "setting limits with your strong willed child" its worth a read.
Best of luck x