What battles do you "concede" with your dcs?!

[eviletc]

i posted a while back about the trouble i was having getting dd to settle down and go to sleep after lights out (she is 4 and carries on playing, reading, singing etc after having an amount of time to do these things in before lights out).

we have tried everything we can think of, both positive and negative (the star chart lasted 2 days lulu!) and have now decided that it really isn't worth it.

there are bigger fish to fry and am trying really hard to be the laid back calm parent i always hoped i would be (though when ds came out the bathroom swearing blind he had washed, cleaned his teeth and flushed the loo when he blatantly hadn't he was dispatched back in tout de suite!).

that's the background to my question anyway.

so what battles have you "lost" or given in to? why? what was the effect doing this had?

thanks

bump as this has dropped off active convos straight away and i really would be interested in your responses!

I pick my battles carefully but my two are so different.

dd1 (4) - clothes is the main battleground but I used to care and now I think so what if she goes out in a pyjama top that doesn't fit and is hideous (as in Pizza Express on Saturday). I could have had a huge battle and put her in something nice but it would have ruined the day.

dd2 (2) - most things are a battle and I usually give in on everything which may be wrong but otherwise I would end up shouting all day. So I just bite my tongue and pray for her to get through this phase (quickly).

bump again for the lunchtime crew.

thanks olive

Message withdrawn

I'm not quite there as DS is only little, but I cave in on most things that aren't concerned with his safety and manners. There, I am utterly inflexible.

Bouncing on the beds. For a quiet life, they're allowed to flop from standing but no actual jumping.

If she refuses to pick up her toys I usually end up doing it after about 15 minutes or so. I can't stand the mess! There usually has to be an incentive for her to do it and I can't always think of one.

hmmmm, with dd 3.4 being strongwilled, I have to pick my battles.

Sadly, eviletc, I have ceded ground on everything other than things which are pure dangerous or anti-social (aggressive behaviour).

Dd does not have to eat anything she does not want to. Does not even have to sit at the table. Frequently stalls at bedtime and getting ready for nursery. Only has a bath/hairwash once a week!

Life is definitely less confrontational. I think dd goes through phases of oppositional behaviour as she grapples with control issues. She is getting better, I hope.

She is an angel at nursery and with others. Just at home that she is challenging and more inclined to test limits.

thanks ladies!

mainly i am trying to let up as am really quite a laid back type of person, though that doesn't always appear evident in my parenting skills!

dos it make a difference to your dc's behaviour do you think?

I don't really feel strongly about dd doing or not doing a lot of things at this age, so I guess that makes me laid back as well.

I like to think that dd and I have a great relationship, because we are not stuck on little behaviour issues which could poison our time together. Dd knows what I like her to do, even if I don't make a big deal if she does not want to that moment. In her co-operative phases, she actually does them! I am regularly showered with kisses and cuddles - but that could just be dd!