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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS excluded from school for 5 days going back tomorrow

23 replies

lars · 08/06/2004 17:27

Hi everyone, Everthing was going so well and then down with a BUMP!
Ds excluded for 5 days goes back tomorrow. This has made me feel like such a failure when we were really trying , but there is so little help available. This is so worrying!
I had no PC and no mumsnet I was going mad I can tell you.
Had a row with neighbour who called my son a ff nutcase btw all over a fence they want to remove. I had to call the police as her swearing was awful but the remarks at my 6 year old son was uncalled for.
It has been hell this week and now I'm dreading tomorrow- how is DS going to be? larsxx

OP posts:

dinosaur · 08/06/2004 17:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

hmb · 08/06/2004 17:38

Do you have a return interview when your son goes back into school? We do that in the secondary school I work at and it seems to me that it would be a good time to voice your concerns and to try to put together a plan with the school for your son.

Hope that things go well for you both.

Original poster

lars · 08/06/2004 17:43

Yes I do, but feel its all a waste of time for the school and myself. My ds doesn't like school and his behaviour has been very difficult.
We have been told by ED phsy that exclusion is not really the answer for my ds, but the school still chose this route after I had endless discussions with them. They can't cope with his behaviour so they send him home or exclude. larsxx

OP posts:

hmb · 08/06/2004 17:44

How old is he Lars?

Original poster

lars · 08/06/2004 17:46

hmb, he is just 6 years ( year 1 ) larsxx

OP posts:

hmb · 08/06/2004 17:56

Oh, that is rough, what has happened, does he have any specific problems? What issues do the school have?

Original poster

lars · 08/06/2004 18:07

hmb, ds has undergone an assessment came back that he was bright and no reason to think he had any thing wrong except behaviour issues.
School can't cope and he becomes defiant,etc. But doesn't like the school routine finds it too difficult to sit on the carpet for long periods of time. larsxx

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hmb · 08/06/2004 18:15

If you don't mind my asking, what prompted the 5 day exclusion? Have they put any stratagies in place to help his behaviour? Does he have specific targets, and is he similar at home or is it just a school issue?

Original poster

lars · 08/06/2004 18:27

DS become very angry- I dont know why but he got into a rage a threw a object and then tried to run out of the school and then swore- which of course in not acceptable but at the same time he is only six and doesn't know the implications of exclusion. The school and myself have felt that we have tried hard to get help and had little help in return from outside agencies. Now I think they are listening as behaviour support are now going to meet with me at the end of the month but is this now too late. They feel too that excluding is not the right option for ds.
A home he is difficult but not all the time but he gets in rages which are difficlt to control, shouting ranting - normally when somthing hasn't gone his way like 'no' word. I do have another older child who is fine at school and home larsxx

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hmb · 08/06/2004 18:31

It must be hard. Did the school explain why they had chosen to exclude him, or is is a standard penalty for swearing (in the secondary I work at the kids get 3 days exclusion for telling a teacher to F off, for example)

Have they looked at anger management training for him, I know that he is young, but that might work.

Original poster

lars · 08/06/2004 18:42

hmb, yes it is something I discuss as my sister also teaches in a secondary school. I have obvioulsy discussed in details events at school to her and she is shocked how they appear not to be abe to deal with anything, like the amount of phone calls I received and they want me to collect him form school early,etc.
This is a child that doesn't like school and yet they appear to give him his goal by sending him home. He has learn't that he get sent home so when he gets bored, etc he then plays up. He is very bright and knows how to work the teachers/adults to his advantage.
BTW I think they dont always needs an excuse for exclusion it always the safety of the children/staff - not always sure this is true as sometimes appears that one particular teacher is the worse and she strikes me as lazy and wants an easy day. larsxx

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roisin · 08/06/2004 19:04

Oh my goodness honey, this is dreadful, I hadn't realised things were that bad. I look forward to receiving your email, and will contact you direct.

roisin · 08/06/2004 19:05

I am truly shocked that a primary school would exclude a 6 yr old for 5 days. I hope you start getting some sense out of someone soon, because they're problems are obviously not being addressed.

WideWebWitch · 08/06/2004 19:16

God, sorry lars, this sounds awful. What have you tried for his behaviour? Sorry if you've posted elsewhere here before on this, is there another thread? Do you suspect ADHD or something or not? Your neighbour sounds awful.

WedgiesMum · 09/06/2004 15:14

Just a quick one whilst I'm at work, will email you at home later. I cannot believe that he has been excluded for this, and for such a long time. Let us know how today has gone, and how you are feeling. Sending lots of support and thinking of you. WMxx

Original poster

lars · 09/06/2004 15:29

Thanks wedgiesmum, DS went back today. I explained to the school they I don't feel this has helped ds and that he does not fully understand the implications of his actions. All I get is that they have to consider the staff and other children not obviously ds. Sorry but I do feel 5 days along with half term is too long it's like 2 weeks off school.
I had a real struggle to get him to school today, he was ok at school but umwilling to do all his numeracy work. Larsxx

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WedgiesMum · 09/06/2004 15:40

I bet with all that time off he thought he was never going back. Not surprised he didn't want to do his numeracy work. It must seem like such a reward for him to get all that time off for that behaviour - and to reiterate I cannot believe that a 5 day exclusion was warranted. It seems unnecessarily harsh, and pointless as well.

How are you doing anyway?? That neighbour of yours sounds completely barking, and not what you need at the moment.

Original poster

lars · 09/06/2004 15:45

Wedgiesmum, the neighbour from hell it make you wonder what sort of mother she is to say all the swear words in front of my ds and her own son.
I think that's what I'm most annoyed over what she said about ds so uncalled for.

As for ds at school well not really sure that this is the right school for him.
How is your ds? larsxx

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WedgiesMum · 09/06/2004 16:04

Doesn't sound like the school is the right one for him at all. Is there anything you can do about it?

Thank you for asking about DS, we had a lovely half term with him, he was a complete pleasure to be with and you could see he was really trying to control his temper. Back at school yesterday (Monday was a staff training day) which is my day for volunteering in his class. He was constantly interrupting and talking over other people, but this was during circle time and an extended morning spent on group work on the carpet. He didn't fly off the handle about it though....

Off home now but will email you later (got your message today) from home. Hang on in there, I'm rooting for you!

dinosaur · 10/06/2004 16:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

lars · 10/06/2004 16:59

Dinosaur, thanks for your interest.
Ds went back to school yesterday but didn't want to go. Not surprised reallly in total with half term 2 weeks off.

Ds appears to have been ok but is reluctant to finish his work in class. The work was sent home for us parents to do with him- which is fine.
This has happened yesterday and today. I just wait now and see. I just feel there is little support for him from outside agencies.

We have a meeting end of June to discuss DS IEP with the behavior support team and new strategies which beleive it or not or still not in place after the assessment - not schools fault but outsdie agencies lack of response- just over worked.
Larsxx

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roisin · 10/06/2004 18:07

Glad to hear he's had an OK couple of days Lars.

But outraged on your behalf that new strategies are not being put in place quicker for him, when clearly what was happening at school before half term was not working for him or them. Hope something happens soon for you.

Original poster

lars · 10/06/2004 19:33

roisin, thanks for your support. It's really has been a comfort to me. I just hope all goes well.
larsxx

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