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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

daytime napping

13 replies

somersetlass · 30/01/2007 15:29

am trying really hard to get my 4 month ds into a rountine. lots going really well but lunchtime sleep a disaster! wont mention what routine ive been following, but understand that this sleep is very important- for me aswell!!! he goes down well at 12 noon, but wakes after about 40 mins and then screams on and off til 2pm. try to leave him for 10mins at each cry in hope that he'll resettle himself but kills me! any advice on how i can encourage him to sleep at this time and what are peoples opinions on how important this sleep time is. worry that if i let him nap when he fancies later in tne day, will stop him going down well at 7pm

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tigersmom · 30/01/2007 15:42

at 4 months my ds would have a couple of naps a day, but neither lasted more than about 40 mins either. Trying to force the nap could be more trouble than its worth? I'd maybe consider trying a couple of short naps. best of luck :-)

MissGolightly · 30/01/2007 15:46

Don't panic - my DS would NEVER sleep longer than 40 minutes until the age of about 7 or 8 months when his sleep suddenly started to kind of consolidate and he now goes for up to two hours. This was nothing I did - he just started to sleep longer.

From 4 months to 8 months he survived on three 40 minute naps a day and did just fine. It is a pain to only have 40 minutes to get stuff done but I found that preferable to spending 2 hours trying to get a screaming baby back off to sleep.

Don't worry about someone else's routine, do what works for your baby.

PoppiesMum · 30/01/2007 15:48

Hi - just echo the last post. My dd only slept for 30-40 mins at a time until she was about 9 months old. Now she goes down at 12 after lunch and has up to 2 1/2 hours which is bliss for me.

Your lo will find his own routine - all i can suggest is to let him sleep when he's tired and don't worry too much about how long he's sleeping for - I've found my dd will take what sleep she needs.

sunnysideup · 30/01/2007 15:49

I've heard this alot on here somersetlass, it does seem that some children are hard wired to wake after 40 minutes....apparently sleep goes in 45 minute-ish cycles so your ds is waking when he comes into his light sleep.

I reckon there are two approaches - either try to resettle him when he wakes so that he does have that long middle of the day sleep, or get him up and put him down again a bit later.

With the latter, you're right, that may mean that if he naps later he won't sleep at 7pm. Lots of people say that as long as they're awake by 3pm ish this seems not to interfere with the nighttime settling.

If you want to resettle then all I could suggest is keeping it really really dark in the room, going in and not speaking above a whisper, perhaps sit in the room with him without looking at him so that he may feel relaxed enough to drop off again. I did this routine with my ds when he suddenly got tearful about me leaving him for naps and it worked for settling him down happily.

My ds did nap between 12 and 2 and that was from no 'training' whatsoever, he simply slotted into those times on his own.....with routines like this I think it's all about giving them the opportunity to nap but not forcing the issue. I don't think it's important enough to get in a twist about....you can't make him nap, you can only create the right conditions!

MissGolightly · 30/01/2007 15:49

To clarify - I should have mentioned that he never slept more than 40 minutes in the DAY. His night sleep was just fine.

Out of my entire antenatal group I only know a couple of babies who could nap longer than 40 minutes at that age. I think 40 minutes is a very common upper limit for babies in the 4-6 month range. They have all started to lengthen out their naps now. Don't try to fight nature!

sunnysideup · 30/01/2007 15:53

agree with missgolightly, he is still very little and things will change as he gets older. I was very lucky in that ds slept most days for two hours at lunchtime, from a few weeks old BUT he had a good few days when this sleep was shorter, it wasn't always set in stone!

But I agree, hang in there, continue giving him those naps and I bet he will lengthen them of his own accord.

I think don't let these turn into crying sessions, either be with him or get him up! Much easier on both of you!

justJAM · 30/01/2007 16:34

my DD is 20 weeks and have given up trying to extend naps - she usually has 2 45 min naps between feeds and sometimes last nap finishes at 5 but she still sleeps at bedtime (7pm-6.30am) please re consider letting him cry - he won't understand why you are doing it.
Don't worry - I'm sure as our LO's get older they will settle into longer naps
hope that helps

Original poster

somersetlass · 30/01/2007 17:51

a great deal of useful info and good to hear that similar situation with lots of you. feel like i had it drummed into me that he should be sleeping for the 2 hours and felt like we were going wrong somewhere. now feel much more inclined to let nature take its course and hope that the sleeps lengthen as he gets older!

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Original poster

somersetlass · 31/01/2007 11:33

just an additional question.... feel confused by conflicting advice in that a friend of my said that best thing to do is leave to cry for 10mins to train baby up and only way to crack the lunchtime is to persevere. dont know which approach to take- the controlled crying or the waiting to let him establish his own sleep pattern????

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Original poster

somersetlass · 31/01/2007 11:33

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sunnysideup · 31/01/2007 14:05

somerset, I think it depends on what is meant by persevering. I think leaving a 4 month old baby to cry every lunch-nap time from quarter to one to two o'clock, even with 10 minute visits, is not what you want to be doing.

It is just making the middle of the day hell for you and your child. What can that add to your day except stress?

I guess the thing I would do, in order to keep 'trying' to get to that 2 hour nap, is the thing of going in and sitting with your child, no eye contact, keep it very 'bedtimey' and just let him drop off again with the reassurance of your presence.

If he still cries and just will not drop off again then I really think you need to get him up and try him again later.

There's just nothing to be gained from struggling....all you can do is provide the opportunity to your child, you can't 'train' them in this way at this age!

MissGolightly · 31/01/2007 14:52

I totally agree with Sunny - good sleep is about giving your child the OPPORTUNITY to take the sleep they need. It is not about forcing sleep down them if they are not tired. So yes you need to persevere the sense of providing a quiet, calm atmosphere and allow them to sleep as long as they need, and one day they will surprise you and sleep for two hours. But if they are awake and alert after 40 minutes, then what they needed was 40 minutes, no point in making you and your baby miserable trying to achieve more. Plus look at it this way, ok you may not get that nice long rest at lunchtime, but you do get a lovely tea break later in the day and your DS will be a much nicer child at bedtime. I know at that age my DS would never have survived from lunchtime to bedtime without a third nap.

As for leaving your baby to cry, only you can decide whether that is for you. But IMO you can't sleep-train a child by leaving them to cry for 10 minutes. All you teach them in that instance is that they need to cry for ten minutes in order to get picked up.

Please don't stress about this, all the babies I know either took long naps naturally from birth or else grew into it around the 7 month mark. I don't think you can force a child into a sleep pattern that is not in its nature. It will come, I promise. In the meantime if your baby is happy and healthy then they have found a routine which works for them; is it worth the agony to you to try to force them into somethign different?

Original poster

somersetlass · 31/01/2007 16:01

thanks sunny and golightly, answered what i needed to hear. hate leaving him to cry-need to learn to chill out a bit more!!!

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