Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Are 6 year old girls naturally bossy?

24 replies

Earlybird · 29/01/2007 13:41

DD will be 6 in 3 weeks. She's a lively and curious child who currently seems to be in a phase of being very bossy.

While I want her to express herself/know what she wants, her current bossy phase can be OTT. On playdates, there often is a battle of the wills between the children: 'let's pretend that...' followed by an immediate response of 'no, let's play this...', etc. They often spend a great deal of time not listening to what the other wants because they are so intent on having it their own way! And it sometimes ends in tears when neither child is willing to give in.

I want her to stand up for herself/express herself, but I wonder if her bossy phase is typical of the age, or if she is in danger of becoming a controlling/domineering child. She even tries to boss her Mum!

Any thoughts/experiences appreciated. Would also welcome suggestions of how to gently teach her when she's gone too far with her assertiveness - something perhaps more constructive than 'stop being so bossy!'

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WigWamBam · 29/01/2007 13:45

Oh, are they ever!

Mine will be 6 in May and has had the bossy bug since she started school. It's normal, from what I can see of her friends. They need a certain amount of assertiveness at school, and it's not really surprising that it surfaces at home as well.

Eventually they will learn to negotiate and to give and take ... I hope so, anyway

Twinkie1 · 29/01/2007 13:47

Oh god yes - DD is 7 in July and since the day she turned 6 I think she has told DH, DS and me what to dp more than we havebeen able to tell her - roll on July because I am hoping it will finish on her 7th Birthday.

HuwEdwards · 29/01/2007 13:47

god yes, DD1 is 6 and it's just like you say EB. She's argumentative too.

southeastastra · 29/01/2007 13:48

my 5 year old son is bossy too (not just girls!) though he is a Leo

MamaGstring · 29/01/2007 13:49

oh yes - DD is now 7 and has calmed down a bit, but she ws VERY bossy at 5/6

strangefruit · 29/01/2007 13:51

dd is 5 and likes to ask "who is the boss of the house?"

I can't figure out why she thinks it is herself, especially since I am extremely bossy and obviously they all do as I say

pageturner · 29/01/2007 13:51

Oh yes, dd (just 6) is very bossy. But she has been this way since she was 2...

We regularly have chats when her friends come round about taking it in turns to play the games she/they want to play, they are guests etc etc. Am hoping things will improve soon!

Original poster

Earlybird · 29/01/2007 14:10

I'm glad to know that, as I suspected, this is a typical phase. Thanks for confirmation.

So, how do you handle the bossiness?

OP posts:

suedonim · 29/01/2007 14:56

My dd2 was very bossy at 6yo, and before and after those ages, too. She's 10yo now and House Captain at school, and according to her latest report, showing 'very good leadership qualities'. Lolol!

Original poster

Earlybird · 29/01/2007 15:06

Sue - did you try to manage the bossy behaviour, and if so, how?

It really can be a fine line: is it bossy or good leadership qualities?? Bossy or self assured/assertive? Bossy or determined?

OP posts:

majorstress · 29/01/2007 15:07

Mine is bossy, but not always successfully, she seems to not get to choose what to play at school AT ALL because all the other bossy bootses override her (nearly youngest in class). That's her side of the story anyway. At home she has always had to negotiate with strong-willed younger sis about who decides what and how to play, BUT wins often due to her fun ideas (dd2 just 4 thinks the sun shines out of big sis) and kindliness with younger children which is appreciated by sis (and me), which I see as good for her.

So bossy is normal, but what if it doesn't work out for them? A whole class of bossyboots sounds pretty hard work for the inmates! Don't know what to do really about school, if anything.

Anchovy · 29/01/2007 15:24

DS is 5.4 and is very easy going and good natured. There are more girls than boys in his class and as far as I can tell he gets bossed around within an inch of his life at school. (They make him play a game whereby they give him a head start then chase after him, sit on him and make him wear their headbands).

Then he comes home to a supremely bossy 3 year old sister.

DH says he just better get used to it!

Original poster

Earlybird · 29/01/2007 15:29

Anchovy - does he mind? Sounds like it could be bordering on bullying if he finds the school game at all upsetting.

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 29/01/2007 15:34

I don't think they are all bossy at that age but I can definitely see which ones are bossy and which ones aren't in dd's class. Some of them are just extraordinarily bossy and have even tried to boss me around when they've come here to play!

If it's just a phase, is everything ok with her at school? Just that the mum of dd's most bossy friend (who I assumed was very confident) told me the other day that she (her dd) was really unhappy and she'd gone into the school to speak to them about it and it seems her ultra bossiness was an attempt to control situations.

foxinsocks · 29/01/2007 15:34

not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with your dd - just that if it's out of character for her. I do think some children are just naturally more bossy than others!

Anchovy · 29/01/2007 15:39

Earlybird - LOL, no, I don't think it is bullying at all. TBH he is quite popular with the girls (the Queen Bee in the class who is very sparky is his best friend - they were in nursery together and are inseperable) and I think they others like him because he is lively but not an Alpha male/power rangers-type. Accordingy to one girl's mother, she had two others girls round for tea and they all spent a long time deciding which one of them he was going to marry (!) (Obviously I won't be letting him go to the Reception disco )

sandyballs · 29/01/2007 15:40

Yes, I have two very bossy DDs who are 6 in 4 weeks. They argue almost constantly over who is going to be in charge of the particular game they are playing.

suedonim · 29/01/2007 15:42

Dd's bossiness was/is mostly directed at dh and me, though she'll try to sort out her older siblings too. She's the youngest, by a long chalk, of four dc and tbh, her demands have mostly been lost in the melee of a larger family.

She's much more conciliatory at school and with friends which is why I've never really thought it a problem. I remember being v bossy myself at that age. Dh says I still am - how rude!

Original poster

Earlybird · 29/01/2007 15:48

Anchovy - he sounds delightful.

Foxinsocks - Interesting thought. I wouldn't say she is unhappy and trying to control things through being bossy. My instincts are that it is a typical phase that perhaps is magnified because dd is an only child, and thus doesn't have to negotiate/compromise all that much at home. She's probably used to getting her own way far more than a child with siblings. I'm aware that I need to counteract that so she doesn't become completely egocentric. Just trying to figure out the mix of typical phase/result of my parenting/who she is as a person - hence my asking if others are experiencing the same thing with their dc.

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 29/01/2007 15:58

oh good, was just mentioning it but thought it wouldn't be the case.

I don't know what you can do to counter over bossiness - perhaps a 'how would you feel if someone was doing this to you' sort of conversation. It's hard - it's not an easy age.

I also think they are knuckling down a bit more at school (yr2) and are having to do what they are told and concentrate a bit more meaning their free time is a bit more of a release than normal!

Anchovy · 29/01/2007 16:44

Thanks Earlybird .

He also has a bossy mum, so he is quite used to it by now!

JanH · 29/01/2007 22:28

This ad is in my local freecycle and as soon as I saw it I thought of this thread:

"I am looking for Rug Hooks, Crochet hooks, knitting needles and oddments of wool and fabric to get started on some craft projects with my daughter. She's nearly 6 and knows nearly everything."

of course when she is 6 she will know absolutely everything

nooka · 29/01/2007 22:47

My dd is quite bossy too, although not quite as much as her neice who has a little sister to practice on. dd the youngest and the power relationship with ds is fairly even (although when she gets mad she does have a tendancy to wack him one - then he will stomp off and leave mean notes lying around the house "I hate dd", "dd is a baby" in retaliation). She was always alpha female at nursery, probably because she was generally the oldest and tallest, but this year at school she is struggling because most of the other little girls are alpha females too, and she really stuggles to get her own way (last year she had a very passive little girl to boss around, but she has now gone to another school) this seems to be quite upsetting. I was chatting to one of the mums in ds's class who said that it was that way for the girls in his class too, but that they seemed to have settled down now (ds is in yr3). So I guess there is hope yet - I think it is just a developmental stage and maybe part of getting used to school too.

Original poster

Earlybird · 30/01/2007 12:56

JanH - that's a great ad, and made me LOL!

I guess children are starting to become consciously/subconsciously aware of various approaches that might help them 'get their own way' - whether it is demanding/bullying/whingeing/crying/manipulation/pestering or some other method. I always wonder when/if to step in, or if I just let them get on with it and work it out themselves.

OP posts:

Flip