17 month old rejecting mum badly. Advice needed.

[Pam0077]

Hi my DS is 17 months and has never been the cuddly, affectionate type. However, over the past month he has noticeably started pushing me away, literally turning away and will not let me pick him up. He goes to his Daddy and wants to sit with him, and is really strongly attached to his grandad. Today I just broke down in tears driving to work, he literally would not interact with me and every time I went to him he walked away wanting Grandad! When I got home, he rushed to greet his Daddy, and when I came in the house he looked at me, turned away and ran away. I thought I was being over sensitive, but now my family have started commenting and they feel sad for me. I feel like he just hasn't bonded with me, he is very very clearly rejecting me and I'm devastated. What have I done wrong and why does he push me away like I'm nothing to him? Any advice would help x

I have similar problems with my DS who's 15 months, it's been happening for a few months now. He has a huge preference fir his dad over me and it sometimes really upsets me. I only say 'sometimes' because my DD who is now 4 was super attached to me until about this age, would totally reject her dad for me. But she dropped me like a hot potato for my MIL at this age. I was heartbroken and thought it meant something about our bond/me going back to work etc. etc. I can't remember how long the phase lasted (wish I could now I'm getting the same treatment from my youngest!) but that's exactly what it was - a phase. By 2 she loved us all the same and its stayed that way ever since. It does stress me out with my DS but I know from bitter experience that it won't be forever.
My advice is to try to do something regularly that is just the 2 of you and away from everyone else. He's fine with me on my own but will push me away if his dad's in the room. I also always make sure I do his bedtime routine, even though he often wants his dad, he generally forgets about him after a quick sing song. Keep upbeat, tickle him, play games, do not whatever you do take the rejection personally. And don't withdraw from him either because you think it's what he wants. It will change, that is for certain. The only uncertain thing is how long it will take.
In the meantime, you have my sympathy! Every now and then when my DS is in a bad mood when we're out, but he'll only want his dad, I sit there with my glass of wine and just enjoy it!

It's just a phase. Soon you will be flavour of the month again, then you won't.

Mine is 20 months and massively prefers Daddy. He gives him lots of cuddles and literally buries himself into him. He follows him everywhere and hovers no more than a foot from him at all times!

On some days he literally gives me polite smiles from about 6 feet away.

I have decided it's a phase and I'm dealing with it by just being super positive and spending lots of one on one time with him and basically love bombing him regardless!

It definitely helps - I can't compete when DH is in the room, but when it's just DS and I alone he does respond a lot to the positive attention and it's reassuring.

I even get occasional random hugs! Ok, only one.... but it's definitely enough.

Thanks, it's reassuring to know it isn't just me this is happening to. I wondered if it was because I had gone back to work or something. It's heart breaking at the time isn't it and you just hope it passes soon. Feel like a rubbish mum x

Without even knowing you I can say for certain that it's not because you're a rubbish mum, so please just park that thought. I know this because I know I'm confident that I'm not a rubbish mum, yet it's happened to me twice . Just try not to let it get you down, it will pass, and with any luck it'll be sooner rather than later.

Very common. The quickest way to get through this phase is to stay calm and pretend not to notice. Just carry on doing what you would be doing with the dc anyway. Unfortunately if you get very upset, the child may pick up on your anxiety and prefer the other, calmer parent. So fake brisk cheerfulness until he changes his mind and decides you are flavour of the month instead.

Hi Pam,

I came over to the development section looking for mums talking about this exact same thing! This is happening to me at the moment too, my DS is 14 months and has preferred daddy for a few months now. I'm absolutely devastated and feel like its an indication of me being a bad mum. I can't get over it and it doesn't seem to be changing - its ruining family time for us :(

Of course I wish this wasn't happening to you too, but its nice to talk to someone going through the same.

Hi, yes it's really tough and I must say I have cried about it a few times as you just don't expect your baby to almost push you away. I know they aren't doing it intentionally but it hurts. You feel as though it's something you have done, but from reading other mum's posts it's more common than we think. Still doesn't help when you're going through it but let's hope things change for us mum's very soon! You just give all you've got don't you and hope one day it will change!xx