How to get toddler who hasn't started to speak to do what she's told!

[Chuck2015]

My little girl isn't talking yet (she's 22 months) but is very physical so we do lots of activities with her. My issue is that she won't do what I ask, which I know is par of the course but often she needs to do what I say for her own safety.
For example, she's quite independant and won't hold my hand all the time. If we're near a main road and I hold her hand and explain it's because there's cars and it's dangerous she doesn't understand and will keep trying to pull away. I of course keep hold of her hand but she gets more and more fractious and it ends up in a melt down quite often. The same happened today when I asked her not to put her hand in her mouth (it was muddy), she did it time and time again and time and time again I said no and pulled her hand away (it was just after putting her in a car seat). My instinct, with the hand holding especially is to just carry on 'making her' hold my hand with the hope that consistency means she'll eventually understand that's what she has to do but any advice on this is very welcome! She's very willful! Thank you

My DD was a good talker at that age but equally unco-operative about hand holding! Many children that age simply don't have the sense of reason to equate their actions with danger.
This is a safety issue so I just held her hand while she tantrummed about it and picked her up if necessary (while she continued to tantrum!). At 2.3 ish she understood why I was asking her to do it and it was never an issue again. She's 3.8 now and is the first to tell any of the rest of us off for walking in the road or not holding hands because 'it's very dangerous you know and you might get bashed' .Hang on in there you've not got long .

Very normal.
Have you had her hearing tested.

I'm not sure her not speaking bears any relation to the fact that toddlers are bloody minded little creatures who think it is hilarious to do the very thing that they can see is winding you up. And then laugh in your face about it. DS has historically been a hand-holding refuser. It's taken a while but he now know that if he doesn't, the reins go on or he goes in the buggy. Yesterday he reached for my hand without being asked.

Repeat, reinforce and try not to show your irritation. For the latter, I recommend the nightly application of booze.

Sounds like normal toddler behaviour to me rather than anything to do with talking or hearing. At that age if they won't hold hands near a road you just have to pick them up and get on with it through the tantrumming.

My 21 month old is like this, especially with hand holding near a road. I give him two clear options in very simple language, 'DS hold hands or Up'. He can say up so will usually say that but has started realising he has to hold my hand or he'll get picked up.

Ds has a backpack with reins which he loves. He has much more freedom to do his own thing and I'm not demanding to hold his hand all the time.

Does your DD say any words or are they limited? If they are limited just try and work with what you've got and I found giving ds two choices makes him far more cooperative but that said, he's still prone to a lie down tantrum in the middle of the supermarket every so often. He doesn't even cry or shout, just lie's down until he's had a minute and can face the rest of aisle 20! Good luck

I used to say that if my dc didn't't hold my hand, or the pushchair, then they went straight back in there until they could walk sensibly.

I don't thick lack of speech is a factor in this.

Thanks, good to know it's normal! Re the not talking, I think I mean that I can't explain why to her - because she doesn't understand why she has to hold hands/not put a dirty hand in her mouth. So from her POV I guess she's just being stopped doing something she wants to/or made to do something she wants to with no explanation so I wondered what the best approach was before I am able to explain why. Some brilliant suggestions here though thank you. I'll definitely 'Up' or 'hand' today and report back!

Mine has never held my hand, she refuses to. Very independent too. I insist on it crossing roads. When she was really young and not following instructions yet I just put her on reins as she was still safe and the hand holding was just impossible. Later when she could listen enough I took them off and let her walk herself. If she plays up though she either goes in pushchair or reins. This to me was far better than forcing her to hold my hand all the time, that would have been nigh on impossible. She always hold my hand crossing roads though.

She will understand much more than she can really say. So keep on explaining things in simple terms. My DD is/was like this (she's 2.4 now) but has always been quite chatty so it didn't occur to me she didn't understand - I think they're just bloody minded, awkward and obstinate at this age. (At least mine is!) Plus they don't have any impulse control so even though she probably basically gets e.g no hand in mouth, her desire to do it overrides that. So I think all you can do is keep telling her what she needs to do, but also find other ways round the problem - reins for when out and about, a quick wipe to clean the hand as best you can, etc.