Poos in pants - DS 4.5 - HELP !

[Fridayfeeling]

Hello
My DS1 (4.5) started reception this year, and for the past while has been coming home with (excuse this) skids or poos in his pants. He says he can never get to the toilet on time, that the teacher won't let them go to the toilet if they ask, it came out too quick, if he leaves a toy he can't have it back............and so on.
Many many excuses... I am really worried and don't quite know what to do.
When he has done it, I have tried to stay calm and say that next time, you must go to the toilet......but yesterday I flipped a bit (after DS2 had pinged the poo across the bathroom by accident - long story!) and told him that it must stop and he must go to the toilet, and people will think he smells, and it is dirty .............

But really not sure what to do.
Any ideas?

DS1 was doing the same thing last year in Reception. I had a word with the teacher, and she suggested that he could be excused from class at any time to go to the toilet (they had a little signal between them). Because I had spoken to her she knew that DS1 wasn't just trying to escape from class and that he really did need to go, and he didn't need to make a big thing about asking in front of everybody if he needed to go. We only had one further accident after this, and taht was at lunchtime when the lunchtime supervisor didn't know the score.
Good luck, I know it can be very worrying as you don't want the other children picking up on it and name calling, or anything.

The first thing I'd suggest is that you don't tell him he smells or that poo is dirty. Don't be negative about it at all - their minds work in weird ways and he may well take it to mean that HE is dirty. Plus if he's already feeling negative about pooing in the school toilets (which he may well be), associating pooing with being dirty may compound the issue.

It sounds as if he's holding off from going to the toilet for some reason - maybe because he's engrossed in what he's doing, maybe because he doesn't like using the school toilets (dd has had this problem as part of long-running poo problems).

Have you asked him whether he feels it's OK to use the school toilets to poo? Perhaps all he needs is reassurance that pooing in the school loo is OK.

It's unlikely that the teachers won't let him go when he needs to, but it won't hurt to let them know that there's a potential problem and find out what their attitude towards it is.

The fact that he doesn't want to leave a toy might be significant ... some children just get so engrossed in what they're doing that they simply forget - or find playing more interesting so leave going to the loo too late. If that's the case then all he needs is time and patience; he will grow out of it.

I don't have any suggestions but you do have my sympathy. My DS2
is now in yr 1, but in reception he did this a lot. He still tends to do a big skid before getting to the loo to do a poo.

He did get much better, but it took a while and I think he just grew out of it. THere are other threads about this as I remember posting on a few - it was very demoralising, not to say revolting

I feel really bad that I flipped last night and said it is dirty. I know that won't help !

I do think that there is something about him not wanting others to know and asking in front of the class ( he always has the door locked at home etc) and this toy thing is probably more significant than I credit too..........

I have asked him about using the toilets at school but he changes the subject - so obviously is not too sure about it all.

I think I need to see the teacher - do I do it with him there / or not?

It sounds as if he has some issues with the toilet, so it might be best if you can initially discuss it with the teacher without him there. See what her reaction is and what she can do to help, and take it from there. She's bound to have come across other children with similar problems in the past.