six year old, incrediably shy, need some adivce

[JackieLondon]

Hi, I am a new member and look forward to conversing with some of you. I am nearly 40 and have 2 children a teenager and a six year old.My six year old is very quiet and shy although this is not the case at home. I have read up on selective mutism and she may well be slightly. However, as she is still young would like to stay away from labels.I have been told at school she is happy and plays with all the children and is popular, she talks to children. As soon as she is aware of grown ups taking notice of her she clams up. She rarley speaks to the teachers and if she answers a question it will be in a tiny voice. At dinner time she has to choose her food and often ends up with something she does not want but will not say. I had spoke to the school and they used to have someone with her to help her get what she wants for dinner. I have now also realized that some times she is wet because she is too frightened to ask to go to the loo. It seems to cause her huge anxiety and fear to have to speak to grown ups she does not know really well. I am really very concerned now and not sure how to help her. Could any one suggest a good book on this problrm or perhaps there is someone with similar problem. Thanks very much, hope to hear from people out there. Jackie

Hi, I cannot reccomend a book but just wanted to say she does not sound too dissimilar to me when I was young. My shyness was so bad that if we visited friends of my parents who I didnt know really really well I would sit in the car outside rather than go in.

I also wet myself on at least 3 occasions that I can remember because I was too scared to ask to go to the toilet - once at majorettes, once in a school test and once in the queue for pick and mix. How embarassing is that???

School trips were an ordeal,and I can clearly remember on one choking on some food because I hated it and didnt like to say.

I am pleased to say that I am now very confident and when I tell people I am actually shy they laugh at me.

My turning point was a junior school teacher I had. He really encouraged me and gave me loads of confidence, praised my work, picked me out to answer questions he knew I could answer, but never made me feel concious of it ifkwim. I still sometimes feel out of depth on formal social situations, but I am 1000% better than I ever thought I would be.

In hindsight I wish my parents had pushed m a bit more, and I had been more inclined to take chances. I went to playschool once, told my mum I didnt like it and never went again. I wish she had made more of an effort. However, that is easy for me to say now and it might have had the opposite effect at the time.

Think I jus wanted to say, your dd may well be fine, just really shy.

Hopefully someone else will be along soon with some more practical advice.

have you tried taking her to a drama group? we did a couple of terms of overpriced 'Stagecoach' but it helped my shy daughter. I stayed with her for first sessions (only parent who did)