Advice please? 3 year old daughter at Nursery....

[Tups]

Hi,
Long story, narrowed down to.... Our 3 year old daughter started nursery last week. She's shy of new people & won't talk to strangers etc. I got pulled in on Monday as she is "un-coperative" and "rude" because she will not answer when spoken to or join in (unless she wants to, like most kids I thought!). Today she has just told my mother in law (I'm at work) that one of the ladies told her "you are a grumpy little girl"
I'm furious but don't want to rock the boat, should I say something? Also, because she wouldn't ask them to do her coat up, she said she had to go outside with it undone (and we had snow today), is this right or are they proving a point by getting her to ask for things?
I want to go headstrong in there and create merry hell but I thought I would see if anyone had a more calming approach...!
Thanks ..

Tips, I've found this very interesting, as my DD is just like yours, she started Nursery in September (she is 3 in April) and like yours is connected to the prep school.

She is quite shy, but chatty and funny at home, she seems happy to go, says nursery is nice and has friends who are in her class, but so far hasn't said a word to the staff, ie when register is taken, or when asked if she wants milk or water. She talks to her friends and her toys but not to the staff. As we walk into the playground she hides her face. The nursery is lovely, all girls and very gentle. The other girls are really sweet to her.

The teacher just says to let her come round and not make an issue of it, but some of the support staff I know have got frustrated at times, and I am in two minds whether to pull her.
She is very independant, and is generally very chatty. It is really horrid isn't it.

Any more advice?????

we had a breakthrough yesterday as she told me that she asked one of the teachers to do her coat up!!! But she said she didn't speak to them much today, only when she wanted to.My mum gave me a good bit of advice and said to stop pushing her and making a big deal out of it and when she wants to talk them she will. The only other thing we had today was that she wet herself, she never does this normally but obviously was just sidetracked, she wet the carpet and got told off!! They gave her spare clothes to change into-size 7-8 knickers (on a 3 year old!!)that she put on wrong and were uncomfotable in the wrong places if you get my drift and ankle biter trousers and she looked so funny bless her, BUT, the whinger I am, she had ALL spare clothes in her bag........what's the point. I now just drop her off and pick her up and avoid all eye contact with the staff and just deal with it that way. I do believe (with our dd) that the more you push her the more she will rebel, we are going to be in for it when she's in her teens!!! lol!!
Anyway, littlemadam, I sympathise with you and although I can understand the staffs' frustration (with all lo's) I feel they except that ALL children are different and would make their job very boring and un-rewarding if they were!!
hhhmpppphhhhhh!

its so hard to watch, I think when they need a bit of extra support, and they are not with you!!

Great news on the breakthrough, does your DD talk to the other children, or just not to the staff? We did have some talk too!! I have dropped the lunches as the lunchtime lady is very strict and I think
its inappropriate for her age.

I really hope it works out. I know its not much comfort, but I am so glad to find there are other people who understand, all the best to your DD!!

Please pull her out Tups, no three year old should be told off for having an accident. It really sounds like she isn't coping.

Tups - if the only reason you haven't pulled your DD out is the fact the nursery is joined with the school, I would reconsider. I have to say I have read this thread mouth hanging open. They sound like vile people and as colditz said to tell a child off for wetting themselves is not only cruel but heartbreaking
Sorry, don't mean to make you feel bad but it sounds like your DD is really not happy.

Hi, we are keeping her there until half term which is only a one or two more weeks where we are. The thing is, she seems really happy there which is why we are fnding it hard to make a descision! She now goes there skipping and singing in the morning! And when I pick her up she always says she hed a great time, she's the sort of child that takes things on the chin (not like me, she gets that from had dad!!), so as she is oblivious to it all and it's not upsetting her, we thought we would leave it for the time being. We are however, going to have everything out with them on parents evening which will probably mean we will be removed as my dp is very araogant!!!
Amie will talk to other kids there when she wants to and tell her dad and nan what she did etc..during the morning. If she was really sad, I would have no hesitation in removing her whatsoever. It's the old dragon that's a problem, the other lady and the young girl are fine.
Littlemadam, I hoep your dd gets on well, sounds like you had a bit f a breakthrough with her aswell so am realy pleased for you. Our daughter won't shut up when she talks to some people but it is always on her terms and when she wants to. She was hugging and kissing my neighbour yesterday (her little girl goes to the same nursery) and she has only seen her twice!!!! can you believe it!! Kids must have this intuition thing n who they like/trust more than us adults!!!

Tups, your DD sounds just like my DD!! When we ask how her day was, she says it was nice, and the teachers are nice etc, but she still doesn't say much there. Having said that, if she isn't getting her way at home she just tunes out, and I wonder if this is the same. I am thinking about going to see a speech therapist to see if its something we should be addressing. Lots of my friends have used this nursaey and it is very good, though quite structured, and very quiet.

Just like your DD though, she talks to people on her terms, and some days will chat away to a neighbour and others not talk to them at all and hide her face.

I do think the nursery should not tell a child off for wetting, that is awful.