Super clingy 14 month old dd and stopping bf at this age

[LaCerbiatta]

My 14 month old dd has been a bit clingy since she was 8-10 months. She's only like that with me and hasn't (yet?) become a daddy's girl. After our xmas holiday however she has become super-uber-clingy! She basically just wants to be held ALL the time. During our holiday we stayed in 3 different houses, visiting family, and she was left with grandparents in the evening, until past her bed time. Could this have caused it?

Also, I'm still breast feeding and now everyone blames her behaviour on that, which drives me up the wall!! Before xmas it would have been easy to stop: she never asked for it and I just fed her once in the morning and once before bed. But now she's constantly asking; I feel like a huge dummy! I really want to stop now because I feel that the longer I leave it the harder it will be for her, but I don't know how to. Also, I can't do it while she's sick and because she goes to nursery it's difficult to find a time when she's 100%. There seems to be always a runny nose, or something....

Anyone been through the same?

My son was breastfed until two and half years old. I weaned him quite slowly by a range of approaches. I think that aburptly weaning a child is very upsetting to both the child and the mother.

Don't offer

In particular its temping to scoop your child up and give her a breastfeed before she has had a chance to ask when she is upset or has hurt herself. Wait for her to ask and try other things like cuddling to comfort her. She is capable of letting you know if she really needs a breastfeed.

I introduced a routine. Ie. I only fed my son at certain times of day once he was over 18 months. At other times if he asked for a feed I gave my son a healthy snack. There were times I let him have a breastfeed if I felt he emotionally needed it, but not just because he was bored.

With a view to dropping the bedtime feed you might want to change the bedtime routine to make sure the breastfeed isnt the last thing. Maybe you could read a story or give your child a massage or sing songs in the dark.

Distraction is good if you want to reduce breastfeeds. If you daughter is constantly asking for breastfeeds its worth seeing if she is just bored and really needs to have a book read to her. Going to the park can make a child forget about breastfeeding.

Its best to drop breastfeeds gradually otherwise you could get mastitis.

Thanks Frances. I never feed her during the day, even when she asks. I always distract her into doing something else. When i realized I was becoming an 'extended breastfeeder' I made the decision that I would not feed for confort or boredom, only for nutrition and only 2x a day. I always made a point to do it in the dark and in her bedroom so that she would only associate it with going to sleep / waking up. It worked beautifully until... this disastrous xmas holiday...

I'm just hoping this is a 'clingy-phase' and will go away soon... If someone else had a similar experience I'd love to hear it!

Just thought,

Do you want to stop breastfeeding? Or are you being pushed? Most babies of 14 months are very clingy and want their mummies. Its normal. You say

"Also, I'm still breast feeding and now everyone blames her behaviour on that, which drives me up the wall!!"

Is it people commenting on breastfeeding that is driving you up the wall or your baby being clingy? Breastfeeding a child over 14 months isnt particularly unusual world wide. Breastfeeding until 14 months is a fanastic achievement and if you are ready to wean then that is fine. I just hope you dont feel bullied into weaning.

Weaning will not stop your child from being clingy. If your child wasnt clingy it would be abnormal. Even babies who are bottlefed from birth are clingy.

Yes, I'm definitely feeling the pressure to wean. If dh was supporting me I don't think I would stop. But tbh when dd is sick and wakes up every hour in the middle of the night and we bring her into bed with us and she latches on and doesn't let go for hours and I can't sleep with back and shoulder pain, I sure wish I had stopped a long time ago! What other people think is totally irrelevant but I think that dh does have a say and I should respect it, or at least consider it (I'm still bfing so I haven't yet!). It does affect him as well.

I expect your lo is teething like mad. Medised incombination with ibroprofen will help me and you might get more sleep. Medised has paracetanol in so you cant give it with calpol. It also has a decongestant and the side affect of making your lo sleepy.

No, I don't think she's teething... She does this when she's a bit sick or nostly in a strange place. Like when we've been on holidays before she would not settle in her cot and then just latch on to me all night long. She hasn't had a new tooth since October and I can't believe she's been teething since then!

I have just finished bfing my 14mth DS - we were down to 1 feed first thing in the morning for ages before. He's still a limpet (as was DD at the same age). Think its a stage (again!!) unfortunately. Christmas probably didn't help, took a while for both of mine to get back to 'normal' I would say get back to your old routine if you can and then think about stopping.
Good luck

She hasn't had a new tooth since October and I can't believe she's been teething since then!

Oh I can .... believe she is teething. The teeth have to go through several layers of flesh until they appear.

Its really hard at this age. Have you taken her to the doctor to make sure she hasnt got an ear infection?

She had an ear infection before xmas (something else that didn't help the 'clinginess') and she was on abs so I hope it's cleared. Maybe you're right and she is teething. Several people said that at several stages but I always think it's the easy opinion iykwim, and teeth can't really be the reason for everything, but maybe I'm wrong!

Thanks feetheart. That's my plan, try to get her back to the old routine, but I'm worried I won't be able to easily, because she's now more aware of the breast and of asking for it when she wants it.
What were your reasons for weaning?

Sorry - was feeding children!
Reasons mainly:

1. I fed DD about this long
2. DS was only having a feed first thing in the morning and not seeming to get much ie had both breasts and then an enormous breakfast
3. DS sleeping longer (at last) and DD at pre-school 4 mornings a week so all getting a bit rushed
4. I want some decent underwear again but need to know what size I'll be

He is also very aware of what he wants, and can sign for it, but now gets milk in a bottle if he asks! Only been weaned for a week and still tries occasionally to get down my t-shirt but is usually easily distracted.
HTH

About the pressure to wean. I live in Japan where extended breastfeeding is very normal. I had no idea before I came here that kids who are running around could be breastfed. Midwives here recommed that you breastfeed untill three years old. Not everyone does, but I would say EVERY mother Ive spoken to about it here has breastfed until 18 months. One woman I spoke to was quite upset that she had to give up when her child was 2 years old because she was returning to work. Doctors here however, recommend that you start weaning at 3 months, but doctors are subsidised by the formula companies who also make the little pots of baby food. All the women ignore them. What a naughty thing to say to someone who is breastfeeding; that it should be blamed for their childs clinginess.

I know several people through La Leche League who have breastfed four year olds!

Extended breastfeeding isnt for everyone, but it isnt that usual. Generally people in the UK who breastfeed beyond a year keep quiet about it.

hi there

I've got 2 kids, dd I breastfed til she was 17 months when she gave up of her own accord....and a 19 month boy who is still going! I'm in the process of gently weaning him, so have now stopped all feeds in the day and just do one in the morning and one at night.

One thing I have noticed is that he often asks for a feed when he's hungry. The times when I'm disorganised and lunch/dinner is late I've noticed that he asks then. I've tried to keep on top of snacktimes and mealtimes so he doesn't get ravenous and this seems to help.

I'm aiming for quite a slow process, just because he seems reluctant to give up (unlike his sis). The next step for me is to start on the morning feeds, I'm gonna get dH to get up with him and give him breakfast and see how he goes. I'm also pondering expressing some milk into a cup for then too.

Also I'm starting to set up new sleep cues at night. So for a month now I've been giving a cup of milk then a story then a feed. The idea being that when dH puts him down with the cup and story it won't be quite so alien to him (don't know if it will work!).

Also am going away for 1 night in mid feb. I'll happily resume the night feed for a couple of months if its too much for him, but hope this might crack it.

btw its a shame the family are blaming you for clinginess - all kids go through these stages. It's not a fault it's just something they go through. Don't feel pressured into giving up unless its what you feel is right.

Hi tugamommy,

Lots of my friends seem to think that my dd is clingy because she is still being Bf. I just think its her personality. She does suffer from ear infections though and is much clingier then. Maybe check your dd's ears are clear? Dd had one before xmas and has already had another one a few weeks ago.

Only this morning my mum was giving me another talk about how I should stop. I mentioned I had a cold and that I couldn't have a lemsip cos of the bf and that started another 'isn't it time you stopped/gave her a cup' talk. She also thinks I should stop so I would be able to go out without having to put her to bed first etc.
Everyone also thinks this is the reason she wakes in the night but I know plenty of babies who are not bf who wake lots too.
I only feed 2 times a day, morning and night. She's just started to drop the 2.30pm afternoon feed.

I sympathise with you.

Thanks girls! I really wish she would selfwean but I know it's not going to happen... I'll try doing it as gradually as possible and hope that no infectious, holidays, etc will disturb it.
I love breastfeeding but I think (ie not 100% sure yet) that I want to stop. I'm curious to see what my boobs are going to look like and definitely bra shopping is a big incentive!