Why is my 3.10 yr old always so bloody miserable?

[Sheraz]

DS2 has always been hard work, but Ihave reached the point where I really can't bear to be around him. He is always so miserable. Every day I start out thinking it will be different today, this morning the apple that he wanted for breakfast had some spots on it - lead to major moaning and upset. He is so rarely happy. I try and take him to nice places, but just end up feeling like I have wasted my time and money.
DS1 is so happy go lucky. I just can't wait to get DS2 off to school in September. I am crying as I write this as I end up saying the meanest things to him, as he makes me so frustrated. Some advice please...

poor you, it must be very difficult to cope with a more challenging child when your first is a happy go lucky personality.....

My ds is also 'hard work' in that he is extremely opinionated and has a very strong character; there is no point in me giving him orders or expecting him to do stuff because I want him to; I've learned that everything has to be done with him 'on side', I've done ALOT of negotiating with him but the main thing has been thinking creatively round the most basic situations.......

for example ds has done many things as pointlessly annoying as your ds with the apple but the way round it has been basically to distract him and to come at things less literally. Not 'here's your apple, of course you can eat it, the spots won't hurt you' but more "oh yes, it does have spots doesn't it - oh my goodness don't you dare eat it I bet it's poisoned!!! You'll fall in a deep sleep!!! Noooooooo!" anything goofy like that will tend to distract most kids.

From what you say it sounds like he is just one of those children who do demand a lot of extra work....I feel for you as it's hard when you have two, but I honestly think he just needs distracting from any negativity with goofiness or by making use of his natural competitiveness, and he probably needs lots of time with you playing actively with him in order for him to make the most of the nice places you take him to...children like this can be quite labour intensive but it's so worth it if you can lighten up, look at things from another angle...I bet you that if not one of your responses to him is negative, then he will lose his miserableness in time.

I'm NOT saying you make him miserable, HE does that but you can show him other ways to react to things and give him opportunities to think about things in a more 'fun' way......

Thaks for that sunny I do sometimes that maybe I am miserable that makes him miserable. Sometimes like right now he is loving and sits on my lap..then something will set him off again. Like treading on egg shells. Might try taking him to the park in a mo...

sheraz, I so know what you mean about treading on eggshells! It's like that with my ds at times - I would say our boys are the sorts who wear their hearts on their sleeves; whatever my ds feels, he will let it out, which actually is a really good temperament to have once you get past the early years....I feel it's a sign of an open and confident personality, so hang in there...

the good thing is with personalities like this is that the love comes out too, so that's the payoff for the rollercoaster of emotion they sometimes have us on.

I really think if you try and take charge of YOUR response more it will make a difference...yes he might be moany and miserable but that does not mean you have to be the same back.

Have fun at the park!