I can't do this

[Pyjamaface]

I want to leave.

DS is 7 and his behaviour has broken me. I'm sitting in the garden crying again while DP baths him.

He is such a lovely, sweet, smart, kind boy but I can't remember the last time he has never been those things with me.

He tantrums, rants and raves, takes whatever he wants, throws things, says he hates me and I'm awful, slams doors.

I have tried everything I can think of, love bombing, reward charts, quiet time in his room, grounding. He has had all electronics removed, an hour of TV a night. Days out, trips to friends, time alone with me, playing games and reading and lots of time outside running around. We have sat down with him and made house rules together.

Nothing is changing.

This morning he went into my bedside drawers and ate a Club biscuit I was saving for myself (sounds stupid but last straw and all that). I spoke to him, explained about personal space/things and told him he was not to go in my room without me.

This afternoon he went back in my room again and smeared lipstick over himself. That is why I'm crying in the garden.

I don't know what else to do, GP has said that I just need to find a way to deal, school have no problems with him bar the odd silliness, he is getting on really well.

And I can't even namechange cos I'm on my phone

The thing is that when you are in the midst of it it is very hard to see a way forward particularly when the bad behaviour seems never ending. I have five dc and two have autism so I've seen some pretty extreme behaviours in my time. I also had the support of a very good child psychologist so I was lucky in some respects.
I think learning to have a method and a plan of action and being boringly predictable in response to bad behaviour was the key. Not allowing myself to react impulsively, so even when my buttons were being pressed I didn't alter the set response and consequences, by my always sticking to the plan it helped enormously.

insan1tyscartching Sun 19-Jun-16 21:40:17

"Well it's better to start every day with a clean slate so only remove the devices, the TV, sweets for one day because if they have all gone for extended periods of time he has nothing left to lose."

Very much believe in this. We have a rule in our house (for all of us, including dh and me, that we do not let the sun go down on our wrath- in other words, every new day is a new day). It must have worked somehow, because though I remember some similarly destructive behaviour in my dc when they were about the same age as your dc, they have grown up into perfectly well adjusted and well behaved teenagers.

Calm, predictability and (if possible) no punishments that drag on and on and make them think they are so bad there is no point in behaving.

The advantage of the boringly predictable plan that insanity mentions is that it gives you a chance to discipline in proportion- so he will be punished for eating somebody else's Club biscuit, not for how eating that biscuit at that particular time made you feel because of how you were already feeling at that time iyswim.

Thank you cory for that insight. We are so ground down by DS2's behaviour that each incident is dealt with in the context that we are already unbelievably frustrated with him. That needs to change.

I second speaking to your school nurse but be very clear with her about what you have tried, and if possible keep some kind of behaviour diary, so you're one step ahead of their requests. If no luck there, try your gp. I plonked 3 x A4 sheets of notes in front of mine and just said "I need help." He agreed.

Do you have a local children's centre? Ours ran a Triple P parenting course which was quite good. Also look for any charities in your area (like Barnados) who may fund family support/behaviour groups as an outside link to CAMHS.

Google whatever words are your main concerns, ie. impulsivity, etc along with your child's age and see if that throws up anything new.

As you can guess, been there, doing that. I feel your pain