BLIMEY, IVE JUST BEEN PULLED INTO SEE MY 5 YR OLD SONS TEACHER.......

[TenaLady]

I am truly shocked that she has told me that he has been hitting (more like poking) other children when sitting on the mat over a period of time which came to a head today with a punch in the eye to a boy in his class.

my ds is and always has been a kind, caring sort and we certainly dont have this carry on at home. We are loving, caring parents and dont show violent tendancies at home.

We do have a carry on with him in other ways but who doesnt? When I say carry on, I mean he doesnt always respond to what you ask him to do which is frustrating but quite normal from what I gather.

I just dont know what to do with him. Its easy to say take away privelages but it has never worked.

Teacher says to give treats if he makes it through the day but my dh says that this isnt real life. We all dont get rewards just because we made it through the day behaving normally.

He is a bright spark academically and I cant think of any other reason why he should behave this way other than he is bored and maybe the pace is a little slow for him.

Anyone been in the same boat and got any solutions that worked for them?

I really don't understand why you are so against the use of rewards as the teacher originally suggested. Lots of sanctions can make an extremely negative environment. Reception is about learning social skills as well as academic skills. Would your husband see anything wrong in rewarding a child for trying extra hard with writing?

The rewards don't need to be large or expensive. Sometimes verbal praise is enough especially if its from his parents who your son probably thinks are the greatest people in the world. Prehaps you could give your son some extra responsiblity at home and praise him for his new skills. Raising his self esteem might improve his behavior.

Targets can be useful, but they need to be specific, measurable, achievable, reasonable and time bound. Targets need to be put into positive language. (ie. keep your hands on your lap instead of don't poke other children.) You might also concentrate on behaving well during the carpet session rather than the entire school day.

When your child achieves one target you can work on other targets like asking them to put their hand up when they want to say something and keeping quiet when the teacher is talking.

Gosh - got called in today for my dd (reception class aged 4.5) scratching and hitting other girls. She is in all girls school of 18. I was mortified, and very upset all i could do not to cry in front of teacher. I know she is still very young (end july bday), and challenging at home - dosant listen for the first 6 tries, poor at sharing, attention demanding etc etc but I really didnt have her down to physicall hurt other children. Just dont know what to do - have agreed with teacher I will see her after class everyday this week to see how dd has behaved and to be seen to be discussing w teacher. Also have withdrawn treats and friends to play for a week till teacher tells me behaviour has improved but have said she can choose tooth fairy pot for her wobbly tooth if can behave for a week. Any nice playing with either sibling gets verbally rewarded (she is mid child). Sad thing is she has been hurting her "best friends". She is in a class of very outgoing and confident girls and i suspect she does this for attention. I have tried to talk to her about it at home and she just smiles when i ask her why. Most of the threads have been about boys, any advice for girls?