BLIMEY, IVE JUST BEEN PULLED INTO SEE MY 5 YR OLD SONS TEACHER.......

[TenaLady]

I am truly shocked that she has told me that he has been hitting (more like poking) other children when sitting on the mat over a period of time which came to a head today with a punch in the eye to a boy in his class.

my ds is and always has been a kind, caring sort and we certainly dont have this carry on at home. We are loving, caring parents and dont show violent tendancies at home.

We do have a carry on with him in other ways but who doesnt? When I say carry on, I mean he doesnt always respond to what you ask him to do which is frustrating but quite normal from what I gather.

I just dont know what to do with him. Its easy to say take away privelages but it has never worked.

Teacher says to give treats if he makes it through the day but my dh says that this isnt real life. We all dont get rewards just because we made it through the day behaving normally.

He is a bright spark academically and I cant think of any other reason why he should behave this way other than he is bored and maybe the pace is a little slow for him.

Anyone been in the same boat and got any solutions that worked for them?

JUST FOR THE TEACHERS. Parade - my least challenging/timeconsuming class was a straight class of 30. My most Saturdays worked/weekdays up 'til 3 in the morning, wondering how to go about things class was a 17 child, 4 stage class, primary 1/2/3/4, with one child following an 'elaborated curriculum' because he/she couldn't cope in a mainstream school without it. One adult in the class, can't say too much here, tried to do the work for them all, the other was jealous of the first one. My job, frankly would have been easier with neither... And don't say I could have employed him/her/them in a better way. There was no job that he/she/they could have forfilled that would have helped me. (or any of the staff in the school, I kept trying...)
THIS IS NOT IN ANY WAY HELPFUL TO ANYBODY, BUT SOMETHING I NEED TO VENT. The following year I was grateful to be going back up to 24, with only 3 stages (1/2/3) in the class.
Every class is different. And no I didn't have problems. Because I stayed up until 3 in the morning thinking about them.

I'm going away now. And believe it or not I still LOVE teaching.

"forfilled" ?

Sorry - shouldn't have posted that. I know we all make silly typos at times on here. It just jumped out at me and I reacted.

Gosh I started a thread about my sons behaviour in reception. He is 4.5 and sounds very similar. He's 'not making good choices' and not listening. He has thrown a girls hat in a puddle at play time and pushed and shoved other kids. They have a thinking chair in the classroom and he sits on it at least once every day.

It's got to the point that the thought of sitting on it does not bother him anymore.

Lets hope, they will settle down after a while hey?!

MY DS does things in class he wouldn't so at home too. Think its a kind of pack mentality or boredom.

Not an expert; and have only once been pulled in; but I just had a stern chat and told him he would have treats/playdates wiothdrwan if he does it bagain, but also explain why its wrong. He was embarassed that the treacher had spoken to me about him and didn't do it again.

I agree about reinforcement at home, but (no offence to any teachers on here) do think the teacher should be able to deal with it on the spot - particularly if she onluy has 15 children to deal with.

parade, some very helpful and constructive suggestions there

Quite right. Typo. Venting. Most likely time not to check.

My son hasnt ever misbehaved at school although he did bite a child once or twice at nursery. When this happened I used to withdraw the privilage of being allowed some TV or computer time. It worked with a three year old and I am sure that a similar approach could work with a school child.

A teacher is a is teacher NOT a parent. I am sure she has tried all kinds of strageries. Why should she not be given support with dealing with a spoilt brat if she asks for it. There are fourteen other children in the class and they have needs as well.

She should be respected for realising her limitations and asking for help. The sanctions or rewards a teacher can give are very limited. Some parents seem to think that paying for daycare or sending their kids to school excuses them of all parental responsiblity.

Its no wonder that kids think that they can do whatever they like. They KNOW they are no consequencies.

But if there are no problems with the child at home or outside the school doesn't that indicate that the problem is possibly with the school? The parent isn't at school, the teacher is. If a child was misbehaving at home, I don't think that the parent's would go into school and ask the teacher to withdraw privileges during school time if the child was well-behaved at school.

I don't think anopne is suggesting not giving the teacher support - and the suggestion the child is a spoilt brat is a bit strong IMO.

But children often behave differently in groups and the teacher must have strategies for dealing with it. When our DS was naughty he got sent to stand outside the head teacher's office and was then sent in to explain himself. Thre head is quite a formidable character and very strict. He was so embarassed he couldn't speak and he never did it again. The fact that I also told him that the school had informed me made him really embarassed and again, that acted as a deterrant.

Tena, I was wondering actually, what strategies the teacher has tried so far?

Sorry to everybody - just sometimes get large bees in my bonnet, and I just responded to that old chestnut, 'just 15 -easy...' I was trying to point out that we don't know the classroom situation, other than the number, and that, in my experience doesn't automatically reflect the ease of the class.
Also, I wasn't meaning to sound like a complete bitch about the adults - just trying to point out that sometimes it's easier without them. That said I have also experienced classroom assistants/auxiliaries who daily deserve masses of praise.
Again, it's just the judging without the full details that makes me go on...
Sorry.
ANY typos here - daughter is running round with Hot-bum! Prelude to poo on potty, for just the third time...

lots of help here, thanks a million.

You never guess what I witnessed today at a childs party.

The very little boy my ds had punched kicking my ds in the head on the bouncy castle! oooh I shreiked.

The little boy continued this behaviour throughout the party with two others as well.

I also checked with the little boys mum if she was aware of this punch to the eye (as I had asked my ds to make a sorry card for her little boy) She hadnt a clue that any such thing had taken place and her son hadnt even mentioned it!

I do think the teacher may of caught the end of some provocation and my ds just retaliated as her gaze caught the action.

I still think he needs to know what he did is wrong.

Sorry calmontheoutside, you're quite right about the judging without full details. It was glib to say that a group of only 15 would necessarily be unchallenging.

I'm secondary, as it happens, & my 14 (bottom set, bloody hard work) year 11s infuriate me a damn sight more than the 33 I had in my group last year (top set, also challenging, in that they kept me on their toes bless 'em, but less inclined to throw substantial items of furniture my way).

I do feel that if tenalady's 5 year old ds walloping his mate during a carpet time, was as bad as things get within this particular group, then it's not anywhere near as difficult for this particular teacher as the situation you experienced!

(Sorry card idea sounds brilliant btw tenalady - even if the pair of them are still battling! - shall be nicking that for when my ds (2.6) next clouts his younger sister )

Thanks, Parade. Calm has left the building... At least for the next six weeks. We're flying over tomorrow to stay with MIL for six weeks, and to be honest I am a little tense about that, and my normally more considerate self has been QUASHED with the slight tensions in store. Bye for now.

It seems simple to me - make sure they sit apart at carpet time, which you can suggest and the teacher can do.

Missing PE is missing the point - if they don't get to run around they will be even worse.

Hitting and poking is very common amongst little boys, and really I think you've been quite lucky not to have encountered it up until now. Here is my experience: DS is a real livewire, from in the womb he has been very very active, unable to be still for very long, a fractious baby, crawling before 6 months, running away in the opposite direction as a toddler etc. Carpet time at preschool and school has always been difficult. He finds it so hard to sit for any length of time. He's exceptionally bright and boredom is also a big factor. He is now 6 and in year 1. Up until now, he has been labelled as a problem, a difficult child. Beginning of Year 1 and he has finally been properly assessed and has been placed on the "Gifted and Talented" programme. It's a Government initiative - in the same way that under acheivers have the right to have their educational needs met, over acheivers also have this right, so they take, I think it's the top 10 percent, and work outside the rest of the class with them, at a higher and more appropriate level. Anyhow, DS has been placed on this programme for both literacy and maths, and he is being assessed by the Ed Psych at the end of the month too. The school has finally recognised that there are reasons other than just bad behaviour, as to why he has always been "challenging". Preschool and reception teachers failed to do so, and him being my first born, I kind of assumed they must be right, and he was just "naughty". No, not naughty, just bored out of his mind! I think he finds the other children a nuisance too, hence the anger and the hitting. As well as the Gifted and Talented thing, the school are also implementing other strategies. He has been made the "smart sitting" monitor and gets to sit on a bench and choose other children to sit with him. He's been given a stress ball to play with during carpet time, to keep his hands busy. The head teacher is also enrolling him on a childrens' yoga and massage class to help with the inability to sit still. Whilst I feel a little uncomfortable that my son is receiving all this attention, and wondering if it's fair that he is whilst others probably aren't, I can't help also feeling thrilled that he is finally being understood and helped.

fourbob, I think you misunderstood. It is first playtime he will miss. Wouldnt dream of taking him out of any mainstream lessons like PE. Go no, they need all the exercise they can get!

ooh Celery, sounds like similar scenario here with respect to not being recognised as being a little more forward than usual.

I approached the school last year, whilst he was in Nursery to see if i could gain early entry. Whilst the headteacher had no problem it was the local authority that said no (not their policy to do so)! I had an educational psychologist test him and the report was favourable. The only hitch was that although academically he is good the psychologist worried that he may not be socially equipped to go to mainstream.
I didnt press it further. Looks like they may have to liven the classes up for ds to keep interested.

So Headteacher more than aware of our worries a year before he started. Ho hum. I wonder if they just wait until year 1 before they make any assessments.

Waiting until Year 1 before assessments was certainly how it worked for us, but made for a very difficult and frustating reception year!

Is it the norm to wait until YR1 for any assessmenst , it certainly wasthe experince of a friend of mine whose DS was immedaitely assessed once he went into Yr 1 , even though since nursery school my frined knew he had some issues to deal with. i.e lack of concentration, social and emotional problems.

All these showed themselves quite clearly in YrR but it wasn't until YR1 that the school took the next move.

If it is the norm , why ? Sorry to hi jack thread Tenalady

Good question mummyd, shame no-one has the answer?

At my wits end today. All over the weekend I was reinforcing the be good at school and be kind and just trying to get to the bottom of all this uncharacteristic nastiness.

I thought I had made headway, when I warned him that the playtime will be removed if he is naughty and he would have a toy removed when he got home if the teacher had told me that their had been trouble.

Arrgh, I turn up to pick him up with joy and hope that all will be just fine only to be told he has had his worst day yet! ASKED a boy for a fight and pulled his specs off his nose and threw them on the floor in playtime.

WTF is going on? I havent the faintest idea of where this is all coming from which makes it harder to deal with.

If i told him i would chuck him off a cliff I swear he would still carry on.

I cried this morning before taking him to school cos I havent a clue how to make this better for them or him

so sorry to hear this TenaLady! Wish I had something useful to add but I don't; but you have my heartfelt sympathy.

Boys get a surge of hormones when they are five - you only have to watch them in the playground before school! My dd1 stands primly by my side and ds is rolling around the floor. At home he is physically more active than his sisters (although not agressive), but seeing him with rest of the pack at school is quite an eye opener.

Have to say I have never found the threat of punishment works with any of my dcs. Like you say you could have threatened to push him off a cliff and it wouldn't have made any difference - mine are the same.

You know that generally he is a well behaved little boy and if he was thinking clearly probably wouldn't have done what he did. But they are only little, still learning they place at school. I'm sure it's a stage they are going through (god I hope so anyway!!!) all you can do is explain to him why it is not acceptable behaviour and believe that he will 'grow out of it'.

Sorry to hear about the latest incident Tenalady. Have the schooll offered any further help in the matter ?

I suppose another way of trying to look at his behaviour is his diet, I am not making any assumptions here so I do apologise , but sometimes a look st his diet - additives E numbers etc and making a concious effort to cut down on these may make a difference. Someone else out there may be able to throw some more light on it.

I am only making reference to the diet as my friend has tried this with her DS and it made a differece to his behaviour.

Is there a sporting actvity he could get involved ? Not only will it wear him out but it will also give him another level of discilpine nd learn how to play in a team and usually the coaches dont take any nonsense eg football , rugby ?

my difficulty here would be the time delay

my experience of 5 yo boys is limited-friends kids I have looked after really. my ds is 3.5-so do take this with a pinch of salt-BUT...they are not marvellous at linking events with a time lag ime.

I can't imagine trying to discipline my ds at home for something he had done while away from me for the day. It just wouldn't work.

am also at cancelling PE lessons and 45 minute carpet time btw. Remembering 45 minute staff meetings...

and I do think school can be very very hard on active, implusive little kids. which in pracrice is disproprionatey boys (though my dd is quite like that too)