I cant control my 3 year old

[snowwonder]

i think i need supper nanny but would never go on tv if i could hire her privately i would

this morning she woke me up asking for brekkie after 5 mins of her asking i dragged myself down stairs to get it then she wouldnt eat it, opened her mouth wide than closed it as spoon got close, then the same again, then after 5 mins of this i say i wont feed her and she will then let me but the contstant battle with her really drives me mad... this kind of thing continues threw the day.

She hits me and her sister aged 9, she throws things around, wont walk nicely in supermarkets unless i constantly bribe her with things,

I am a single mum, and when she is with her dad( one afternoon a week) she is an angel, he phoned yesterday and said she is so fragile, if she drops somethng there she bursts into tears, yet she throws things around my house,

she basically rules my house, and i need advice about any good stratagies i could set up to improve her behaviour, because i dont know how much more i can take......

any advice greatly appreciated

Snowwonder- much sympathy. I started a thread a few days ago under this topic called"Alternatives to Naughty Corner " about my son who is 3 and a half. Sorry can't do links. Some of the advice I got was really helpful- I wanted to bump this up for you as well I think they try and gain control and if you can distract them it avoids head on confrontations all the time. Not always possible I know. She would be better with her dad because he doesn't have to look after her all the time so it is a novelty iykwim
Have to get him from nursery in a minute will check later.
Good luck

Sounds very familiar - my DS has had similar phases and the best approach has "simply" been to not give him the attention that he is demanding unless he is doing what I want him to do. That includes getting him to sit in another room or leaving the room yourself if he is badgering me.

You say she is 3 - can she feed herself? - in which case put breakfast in front of her and leave her to it - Tell her what you are doing -I'm not feeding you/talking to you until you eat your breakfast etc..You need to be as persistent as she is, so if it doesn't work first day try again the next. We reckoned about 5-6 times of a particular strategy should produce the required effect. Give praise where she does it right because that reinforces the being good=attention aspect and emphasises the positive.

Being out and about is more difficult as you can't ignore her in a supermarket but make it clear you will leave/put her in the trolley seat or other appropriate measure if she doesn't behave and then be ruthless in following through. I've even heard of people using reins on 3 or 4 year olds to control them and that might be worth trying.

As collette says there is lots of advice on other similar threads here but one further thing is choose your battles, don't make a stand on every issue and especially not all at once - it will wear you both out. Choose the bits of her behaviour you like least and deal with those first. Hope this is of some help. I don't know why people complain about toddler tantrums I found my 3 year old is far more taxing now than when he was 2