It's too hard for me........or....I can't..........

[HandbagAddiction]

OK ladies, I think I'm after a bit of reassurance that dd1's behaviour is just a sympton of her being 3.4 and not just our own poor parenting skills.

Is anyone else faced with the daily battle of things being 'too hard' or every request being answered with 'I can't'? Typically this happens when she's being asked to get undressed, take her shoes off or put them on, getting dressed herself, putting coats, etc. on. Now the point is that intermittently, she does do these things so I know that she can but it always seems to be a battle every time and often I can't even get her to try to do them.

Thing is I've tried giving her loads of praise for trying or achieving, but this appears to have backfired as she almost seems to be embarrassed by the praise - if that makes sense. So it seems as if she doesn't want to make a fuss over the fact that she's done well.

So - normal behaviour and a phase that will just pass or do I think to think creatively about how to change the situation and give her more confidence in herself?? Concerned that she's got some self-esteem issues.....

Oh yes....

I Can't
Too heavy for me (most commonly used when asked to take something back to her room, which she has just brought out of her room
It's too hard
My legs won't go
I'm too tired (usually at 9am)

Also..

It's a bit tricky
In a minute
I'll just do (insert current game she is playing) first
You do it mummy

Sorry, posted too soon,

I usually just say OK, well when you are ready then & just ignore it.

It is usually when asked to tidy up. I don't have probs with getting dressed. The shoes are usually too hard tho!

I think it is normal behaviour. My almost 5 year old DS went through this as well. It got on my nerves because it just seemed so negative.I actually banned him from saying ' I cant' I told him if he was finding something difficult he should say ' I need some help with this' , it seems to have worked.

My granny refused to believe that the word "can't" existed. "No such word as can't!". It worked for me, but maybe that only works for grannies...

It's normal, anyway.

oh yes, very normal for this age...my ds went from having the screaming abdabs about stuff he didn't want to do (2 yrs old)to being 'too tired' and 'I can't' at 3 and um..sorry, even 4, which he now is!

I definitely remember the 'no such word as can't' approach from people in my childhood but I don't find it works with ds, who is stubborn and opinionated and would simply have a debate with me that in fact there IS such a word because he's learnt it at school blah blah and I don't want to waste my life doing that...

what I find works with ds is races and challenges....he loves to be first and ifI race him to get my coat on he will be desperate to get up and get his coat on! I also still use reverse psychology, saying "I don't suppose you are a big enough boy to do your shoes, you don't know how...." then he wants to show me that he can.

I guess it's basically good old distraction. But it's certainly worked for us and I know that many things for us could have been a huge battle of wills but we've sidestepped all that and had fun!

Mine are older now, but I remember this phase so clearly. I used to say "Could you.... Oh, no, it's OK. You're not big/strong enough," and soon they'd be begging to know what it was I wanted them to do (usually something like putting a jigsaw away or putting their jacket on!) Eventually, I'd "give in" and tell them what I thought they were too young to do, and within minutes they'd be rushing to prove they could do it. Hope this helps. PS It doesn't get any better - at 10 & 11, my DS are worse than ever for not doing things!

Yes we get this sort of thing from DS, at dressing and when he has to do things when he'd rather be playing. I dont think its a self esteem thing, just another type of technique they use to control us!

dd's teacher has taught the kids in her class to say "I can try " instead of "I can't". They all get special praise if they remember to say it .

Handbagaddiction - you could be describing my dd (3.5)! She is exactly the same although not every day. The thing that gets me down about it is one day the races technique will work, then the 'you're not big enough to do that' approach will, but nothing is guaranteed. Some days nothing will work I know what you mean about the praise thing - sometimes its the worst thing to do (they think). Will keep watching this thread for ideas...