My 3 year od son refuses to walk anywhere

[tiredandgrumpy]

Help! He used to be really good and walked into town etc. Now he insists on sitting in the pushchair. I've just returned from one such trip when I made him walk back home - a trip he'd often do even before he was 2. He's just screamed all the way home and worked himself up into a hysteria.

I try not to rise to it - I stopped at one point and gave him a cuddle to show him I loved him. I repeatedly told him how lovely it was to hold his hand (it is) and how grown up he was becoming. I try so hard not to get cross with him, but to simply ignore his difficult behaviour.

There must be an element of sibling rivalry here as I have a 9 month old dd who of course has to sit in the pushchair. There is room for him, too, but I'm just concerned that ds is getting lazy.

Is this just a phase, or should I be concerned? [and yes, I know that many people canot get their toddlers into the pushchair and can't control them either, so maybe I should be grateful!]

I had exactly this issue with my eldest (boy). He also used to wake with leg pains at night - it took years before he was diagnosed with poor muscle tone in his lower legs which was having an impact on his joints and giving him great pain - no wonder he didn't want to walk! And I should add that he had been seen by an orthopaedic consultant (following up an episode of irritable hip) who looked at X-rays and told me there was no reason why he should need to go in the push chair. Just goes to show the value of generalist paediatricians who look at the whole picture.

Not saying that there is something wrong with your 3 year old, but may be worth having him check over by the GP. Was he a reluctant walker prior to the arrival of the next child? My son has now had really simple non-ivasive corrective therapy for his legs and is a great walker at last (aged 8!)BOL

Madora - this is what I guess I'm concerned about. He is perfectly able to play well when he choses, running around and scrambling etc. He always used to walk well. I'm not sure when this problem started, but I suspect it probably did coincide with the arrival of dd. I think rationally I know this is a behavioural issue, but maybe I ought to get him checked for a physical problem. I have tried asking him why he doesn't want to walk (and asked him if it hurts anywhere) but I never get a clear answer. He's usually very good at expressing himself.

Regarding sibling rivalry, LOTS of people have told me that their older child played up the most when the baby was 6 to 9 months old. Something to do with the baby becoming more of a threat once it is mobile and starts interfering with activities.

Certainly, DD1 wanted a lot of "babying" when DD2 was about 9 months. She started using baby talk, eating with fingers, messing with food etc. She did also play up about having to walk, but we didn't have a double buggy, so she didn't have much option and now she's a great walker (walking 25mins to school each way).

Don't let him walk - he'll soon want to

I think you are right in pushing your son to walk. It will help his physical development.

Getting my son out of the pushchair was a complete nightmare. It was partly physical and behavioural. My son has been under the child development centre because of problems with his tendons. He used to be only able to walk on tiptoe. He had physio so he could get his heels to the ground.

I decided to be completely ruthless and put the pushchair in the loft. I think you should talk to your GP so that you are confident there is nothing wrong.

Maybe you could use a sling or a back pack for short trips for the 9 month old. Then there is no tempation for your three year old to use the pushchair.I used a huggababy sling with my son until he was two and half years old.

Or prehaps you can bribe your three year old that if he walks nicely to town then he can a have a ride back on the bus.

My 2 yr old ds refused to walk last winter. I thought he was being "difficult". It turned out that he had an infection of 2 discs in his spine. Get your ds checked out, especially if he's having hysterics.

Thanks for the advice - it's sounding ominously as though I should get him checked, just to be sure.

It's quite rare but another child on the ward was actually ill with the same thing when ds was there. It's called Spondylitis (not to be confused with Ankylosing Spondylitis which doesn't involve infection. It was successfully treated with massive doses of antibiotics, a body cast & then 6 months in a corset. A recent x-ray showed 100% cure!

Get him checked out if you are concerned - but tbh if you can put him in the pram I would. He is only 3 and lots of 3 year old go everywhere in motorised prams (or cars!). My 2 were allowed to go in the pram until they started school proper if they chose so were both in it at 4 sometime. Doesn't seemed to have harmed then any - they now manage a mile walk to school, have both done mile fun runs and cycle great distances. ds3 is only 2 but expect he will want to walk sooner - but will sometimes have to go in the pram because he can't walk as fast and the school journey is often done at a route march!

As I said, it's very rare. I certainly didn't mean to scare you!

My ds was very keen to use the pushchair until he was turning four! I think it can be to do with boredom and lack of motivation - ds could walk or run like mad in the park, round the museum, shop or whatever, but on the way home he always wanted the puschair.

I didn't make an issue of it, and let him do it and he just got to a point where he didn't even ask for the pushchair, he just didn't need it any more.

I think get him checked if you now want to set your mind at rest (Sauce, your poor ds, glad to hear he's fully fit!) but if physical stuff is ruled out I think why struggle with him to the point of hysteria? I feel his physical development will be coming on just fine so long as he is haring around parks etc....he IS only 3, and 3 year olds do get very tired.

So what do I do about a 3yr DS2 who wants to wk, promises mummy he'll hold her hand (mainly for the school walk), then throws himself on the ground and refuses to hold my hand. Yesterday with all eyes watching, I walked away and said well mummy has to meet DS1 quick as a flash he was up and gone, resulting in a 4 parent search around the block, and phone calls to the school. Reins have been tried, but as a big 3 yr old he spins around, and ends up on the ground still. help, please any advise grateful or suggestions. (we've ended up using the pushchair)

So what do I do about a 3yr DS2 who wants to wk, promises mummy he'll hold her hand (mainly for the school walk), then throws himself on the ground and refuses to hold my hand. Yesterday with all eyes watching, I walked away and said well mummy has to meet DS1 quick as a flash he was up and gone, resulting in a 4 parent search around the block, and phone calls to the school. Reins have been tried, but as a big 3 yr old he spins around, and ends up on the ground still. help, please any advise grateful or suggestions. (we've ended up using the pushchair)

I let my not quite two year old walk without holding my hand, except while crossing the road, which is non-negotiable. I think it's normal to let him walk beside you without holding your hand. Just tell him that he has to keep quite near you and not run near roads, or you will have to hold his hand.

Re the three year old who won't walk, I'd get a buggyboard. My ds has low muscle tone and dyspraxia and he cannot walk far or fast. My dd was born when he was 3 and four months and he went everywhere by buggy board.

I let my not quite two year old walk without holding my hand, except while crossing the road, which is non-negotiable. I think it's normal to let him walk beside you without holding your hand. Just tell him that he has to keep quite near you and not run near roads, or you will have to hold his hand.

Re the three year old who won't walk, I'd get a buggyboard. My ds has low muscle tone and dyspraxia and he cannot walk far or fast. My dd was born when he was 3 and four months and he went everywhere by buggy board.

I think Aloha is right, I don't make ds hold my hand unless we're crossing the road.

That has to be non-negotiable obviously, but didn't stop ds trying to negotiate his way out of it by getting very cross and/or attempting to hare over on his own but this simply was not happening - on a few occasions I had to grab his hand and keep an iron grip but once he realised I meant it about roads this little power struggle ceased and he holds hands fine when necessary.

Ok there are some situations where children must hold their parents hand. But what about when its a busy place and he refuses to hold hands and throws himself on the ground.

why oh why put yourself - and more importantly your lovely child in a situation where he will work himself into hysteria.

i would save all my pennies, beg borrow steal and buy one of those step things that go on the back of prams.

'concerned he is getting lazy'

oh c'mon ! he is three

in that case, in a busy place, I'd use a puschair.

I'd also make sure I'd given him options first - not just 'you must hold hands now' but "ok, we're coming to busy shops, do you want to hold hands or go in the buggy?' It gives him a perceived power over what he does and it gives you a ready made consequence if he doesn't do as he agreed.

So even though he doesn't like the pushchair, and wants to be a big boy, you suggest taking the puchchair along too?

Yes, even in a busy place I'd let him walk with you, but always saying, stay with me, walk with me or I will have to hold your hand or put you in the pushchair.

So because he ran off yesterday which ended with him fine running up and down someones driveway, and 4 late parents due to the search, would it be sensible to tell him that today he must go in the puchchair, as a punishment ( dare I use that word)!

I wouldn't say he MUST go in the pushchair today as a punishment because that will just demand a negative response and you don't need to make your lives that hard! But I would take the pushchair and just start with the "what would you rather do, walk next to me or go in the buggy?"

Don't even mention yesterday, today is a new day and you all deserve to start each day afresh otherwise you will go mad!

Maybe there is some sibling rivalry going on. I have just the one dd, nearly four, and she seems to get a kick out of pretending to be a baby, especially if we have been visitng my friend, who has an 18 month old dd. Often after visits to my friend with the baby she will insist on doing 'baby talk' and demand that I carry her around. If I actually had an 18 month old baby as well as four year old dd, I imagine it would be much worse...