Shall I just keep ignoring her ??

[nutcracker]

Dd2's behaviour is going belly up again, I think I jinxed it telling someone that compared to last December her behaviour was no fab

Anyway, she played up all the way home today. Yesterday she kept squirting people with the water from her drinks bottle. Today I told her she couldn't take it, but she comes out of school just with it in her hand, she'd sneaked it into her bag.
Gave her a second chance, told her as long as she didn't squirt it then she could still have it. She squirted it about 2 seconds later so I took it off her.
She then hit and kicked her siblings all the way home and then evenmtually sat on the floor and refused to move.
I walked off and left her and she still sat there so I hate to go drag her back.

She is now sat in her room shouting me at the top of her voice. I don't particularly want to hear anything that she has to say to me right now so how long shall I leave it ???

Oh and how shall I punish her ? She has a school disco tommorow and I haven't yet signed to say that she can go but would feel really mean not letting her {soft cow}.

She is 7 by the way.

Ignore her. Surely the punishment is to confiscate the bottle entirely. Just wait until she asks for it again, explain that you allowed her to have it once before, that she squirted people with it when she had said that she wouldn't and you would let her have it if you thought she wouldn't squirt people again, but you can't trust her not to do so since she already broke her promise once. Not letting her go to the school disco seems a bit of an over-reaction to me, tbh.

Oh I am confiscating the bottle yes.

The problem is that her behaviour has been getting worse and worse since the weekend ,the water bottle thing was just the latest, she has also been hitting and biting her siblings and I mean she is 7 not 3 fgs.

OK, I am obviously a mean mother, but

1: you told her she couldn't take her water bottle to school, but she did.
2: she squirted it on the way home AGAIN.
3: She physically hurt other people
4: She sat on floor and refused to move.
5: She is shouting at you.

That's five things in the hour or so since school ended.

So, I would have sent her to her room as soon as she got home.
If she discussed the situation calmly with me after half an hour or so, then she may be allowed some tea.
If not, straight into her pyjamas and into bed, and she'd go to sleep hungry.
I would ignore any and all screaming and shouting from her.
I would tell her that she has 24 hours to prove to you how fantastic she really is, and if she is naughty, then no school disco.
I know this is hard, but you really need to follow through with your consequences.
It sounds like it all started to go downhill when you let her keep the water bottle. You had said no, and even when you saw she had deliberately disobeyed you, you gave her a second chance.
Do you have specific consequences for specific actions? I have a zero tolerance attitude to physical aggression, so that would mean being sent to her room immediately.
I would have given her one warning when she refused to get up and walk with you, then taken a toy off her or banned TV if she continued to refuse.
If my children shout at me, they go to their rooms until they can come down and speak to me calmly. I always try hard not the let the child who is behaving inappropriately get all the attention, so I would instigate a board game or something with the other children.
She sounds like she's in control, and you have to shift the balance of power back in your favour.
Having said that, it is easy to advise others, but tough when it is your own children. My DS2 was a complete handfull until he was 8, TBH - and this is probably why I am less lenient about behaviour than many of my friends.
Anyway, good luck.

I didn't need to send her to her room, she took herself there and has been there since LOL.

She has stopped shouting and she should know me well enough by now really to know that I ignore shouting and don't answer until she speaks to me properly.

I am quite strict with them but I do fall down regarding consequences for her behaviour. I always struggle to think of something quick enough or say something which I know I can't/won't follow through.

She will get one chance at her dinner, if I tell her it is ready and she refuses to come down then it will sit on the table until me and her siblings have finnished and then it willl go in the bin.

I have had various problems with her behaviour before which came to a head at the end of 05 when she was obsessivly washing her hands all the time. We saw a psych about that and I also attended a parenting course and things got back on track.

I have split with her dad since then though and although she seems to have taken the split well, her behaviour has now gone downhill again.

She can be the most loving, funny and intelligent child, but can also be the most stressful, demanding and stubborn child too.

I wouldn't advocate using food as either a punishment or a reward. Too many women have emotional relationships with food and I really think that it's best not to encourage that link!

My dd is 7 and being a pain at the moment, I think 7 can be a tough age. You are expected to be mature and to behave yourself, yet your emotions are developed enough to be 'good' all the time. Also you are just starting to become properly aware of what big issues like death, divorce etc actually mean. Also school gets tougher in year 2!

I would confiscate the water bottle and threaten her with not going to the disco if she misbehaves again.

But also take the time over the next week to spend quality time together in a nonstressful environment and try and talk through any issues that may be concerning her.

She sounds like the female version of my DS2. LOL!
I know what you mean about thinking of consequences quick enough. I used to say things like "that's it - no PS2 for a month!", and then sheepishly cave in after two days.
We used the Warwick Dyer approach of taking away a penny for each broken rule.
That was really effective, as DS2 is very into rewards!
It also meant that we didn't have to scrabble around for punishments, as it was always the same thing.
Different approaches work for different children, but consistency is always the key, IME.

My dd is almost 7 and can be quite naughty sometimes - the one thing I have learnt is that you MUST follow through a punishment until the end.

With my dd her fav TV programe is Simpsons. When she is really naughty I ban her from watching it for 1 week. I make sure the TV is on the channel when it's due on the TV so she hears the theme tune and then I turn it over and remind her why she isn't allowed to watch it which helps to reinforce what her bad behaviour was in the first place. If she didn't relise it was on I don't think she'd miss it which is why I make sure she knows it's time.

I posted last year because my dd1 (7) was having tantrums worthy of any 2 year old. Anything could set her off and she was obsessing about the smallest thing. Hysterical about her hair not being right for school and so on. And often taking in out on her siblings. Have to say no form of punishment worked for her. When she'd worked herself up into a frenzy there was no getting through to her. I could have threatened her with anything (and followed through) but it would have made no difference. She missed out on countless trips to the park, swimming, cinema. Have to say, at the moment (hope I'm not jinxing things!) she's quite level-headed and easy to live with.

The only thing I could put her behaviour down to was a jealous/attention seeking phase. I wonder if that is what is going on with your dd. If you are no longer with her dad, perhaps she is testing you to make sure you still love her, plus the 'usual' sibling rivalry.

My suggestion would be damage limitation with her bad behaviour (ignore what you can and avoid potentially problematic situations) and give her as much positive one-to-one attention. That's what I tried to do with my dd1 although it's hard when she was that bad, I didn't want to be anywhere near her!! Someone told me (probably on MN!) that children need your love the most when they are at their most unloveable. HTH

I have to say that my dsd was a brat at the age of 7 and I think it was partly to do with all the change that happened in the previous two years - her parents splitting up, her grandmother dying, her mother moving out of the marital home and her dad and I then buying a new place together. I think change upsets young children. After a very rough patch when we first moved into our house - lasted several months - she is now a very nice (on the whole) little girl at 9.

Does everything have to be po-faced and serious all the time?

I think if my ds had done this I would have done a pantomime shocked face that he had sneaked the bottle in, then told him that if he squirted it like yesterday that I would pinch it and squirt every bit over him! Might have stopped him squirting it, might not, either way no problem - would have been much hilarity and giggling etc on the way home instead of tantrums......

I certainly don't think a formal punishment such as missing the school disco is in proportion to this incident....

I think she has had a wobbly time with big things happening (if I remember rightly did you and your ex get back together for a time then finally split again?) and while that doesn't mean that bad behaviour should be ignored I just think it means that this is probably why she indulges in silliness like the squirting, it's her immature mind dealing with change basically and it's not easy.

I think 7 is a tricky age, as someone else said! Give her lots of your time and love even when she is as you say, acting like a 3 yr old, and I'm sure you'll both be out of this before too long...