When do kids start using the toilet completely independently?

[kivvi]

DD is 3.4 and has been out of nappies for over a year. She now uses toilet with trainer seat - but we still wipe her. At roughly what age can we start to let her use the toilet completely independently (i.e., wipe herself, wash and dry her hands)? Obviously it depends somewhat on the kid, but I'm guessing most can do this by the time they go to school, yes? Just not sure if we should be pushing it yet or if it's too early still...

I can't remember with my first two but my youngest still wants me to come to the toilet with her at six! :/ she does everything herself but I have to sit in the step sigh.

My dd is approaching 4.5yrs and we have started pushing this just now (in my defence it took from 2.5-3.5 for her to get potty training so I've just been relieved that she can tell when she needs to go). Now she reluctantly gets on withbitbherself when she wees but isn't very good at wiping poos so we still do that. Hand washing is fine, she often needs reminding to flush.

Can your dd physically do it all? In our old house the taps were old fashioned and hard to turn and the flush was hard for her to reach as she couldn't get her stool near it as very small bathroom.

DD (nearly 4) manages by herself at nursery where basins etc are low. At home we help her still. I must say her wiping after a poo isn't brilliant yet...

Thanks for your replies. I think maybe we could start gently encouraging her to do more things by herself and work towards it. Will ask nursery what they think she's capable of too! She can reach the taps, flush, soap, towel etc at home but I'm not sure if the step is too heavy for her...

My motivation is partly selfish as we are expecting DC2 soon, and I can just foresee that the moment I get settled to feed him/her, DD will announce that she needs a wee and I'll need to traipse upstairs with her!! Ah well, I suppose I should be grateful that it's not traipsing outside like in the days of loos at the end of the garden! How our foremothers managed, I have no idea!

Mine were completely independent shortly before they went into reception. I went for a gradual handing over of responsibility with me just checking after they'd done it for a while. I must say, the delight of wiping my last bottom that wasn't my own was a simply wonderful feeling!

I do think their little arms aren't long enough to reach their bottoms for a while after potty training.

My DS has autism and is 5.5 and still needs assistance. Prob depends on the child when they are ready eg to remember all the steps they need to do etc.

DS2 is in reception and totally independent. DS1 is in year 2 and prefers a little wiping assistance still (has v short arms!).

Could you go to the toilet with her get her to have a go at wiping herself and only get involved maybe with numbers 2s after she's had a go herself. So your verbally involved prompting her on what to do but only physically get involved if it's a messy situation. You'll find she will eventually take herself although the toilet may not be flushed and the tap left running as my 6yo sometimes does!

My 4yo is proudly independent about half the time, the other times he insists I help!

(He's just 4 btw.)

Dd is 4.2 and does it all herself, sometimes struggles to flush and doesn't always do a great job with a poo but is very insistant she no longer wants assistance. Unless there's a button on her trousers she can't manage. This is fairly recent though and without any prompting from us.

3.5 to 4 here (can't remember the exact gage but she's 4 and a quarter now and seems to have been going herself for ages).what helped us was flushable toilet wipes for poos as that was the only bit we'd been helping her with for the past year. Has to tell her to wipe until clean otherwise it was just one wipe and done!!

Ds2 is almost three and he can do it all himself. Ds1 is 4.5 and was about the same age altho he does like me to check after a poop lmao

dc 2.6 can take herself to the toilet by herself, do her business and then wipe herself for a wee or call for help with a poo and then pull up knickers/trousers by herself.

She's been out of nappies since February half term and has been taking herself for the past month.

My son was definitely going on his own without even telling me aged 5 I think when he got to school he started going without a peep end of nursery he didn't need any wiping etc but he did say mummy I'm going to the toilet (sometimes can you take me ) but I just had to stand there and help with hands so I'd say around 4,4 half maybe earlier for girls from what I hear xx

Ds is 3.7 and stopped asking for help around 2 months ago.
She was potty trained at 2.5.

I'm finding the situation with how my partner deals with his kids very difficult. He has been separated from his ex for 7 years. His kids are aged 10 and 8 and due to his issues with his father as a child and feeling left out, I feel he's over compensating for it with his kids but not doing them any favours in the mean time.
He has them regularly and is now considering leaving me and our 6 year relationship and moving 45 minutes away to be nearer to them, I get that but it does frustate me that he's chosen to do after I've left everything behind myself and now have nothing as I won't be moving with him as I have a son to consider myself and I feel I'm non existant when he has the kids at the best of times. We don't have a 'relationship' , such as he won't make plans as a couple as he feels guilty for spending money if he's not spending it on his kids, he won't go on holiday as just a couple as he feels guilty for not taking them, this is something I've had to pay for of I wanted to go away together. They have holidays with us and their mother. More recently I've noticed how his obsession with them is just not helping his kids and he's neglecting our relationship. They'll stay with us for 2 full weekends on the trot and then a Tuesday every 4 weeks. When they're with us, they very rarely acknowledge I'm there even when I'm directly talking to them, so I've kind of given up as I'm fed up of feeling disheartened by their lack of respect and acknowledgment. Whilst they're here the 3 of them will be stuck together the whole time and I'm sat on a spare chair alone with no effort of conversation from any of them and when I try, no one listens. He doesn't attempt to make them sit by themselves to entertain themselves. He doesn't teach them to be self sufficient and will go upstairs with them just because they'll ask and they're more than capable of going to the toilet alone, I've made a point of saying to the 8 year old, you went to the toilet alone earlier so you can do it and yet he still went up with him. He's made no attempt to teach them to be independent, he will wash them down and wash them when they bath. He will lay clothes down and ask them to get changed but he won't leave the room and ask them to get changed alone, I imagine a lot of this is because unless he's there they will mess around and won't do what is asked of them but by now they should be doing these things by themselves. They don't bring any clothes down that they have worn and need to go in the wash he'll do that for them and yet, he's very lazy around the house when they're not here. He doesn't ask them to pour themselves drinks and they don't make their own breakfast. There is no effort on his behalf to even attempt chores with them, yet they'll drag things out and the majority of the time they're put to one side and id be the one having to put them away as he doesn't either when they're gone. I feel he babies them too much because he doesn't see them as often as he wants to. I strongly believe he'd be this way if he lived with them. Personally I think its odd that he needs to do and follow his kids and be stuck to them constantly (no exaggeration) I've refused to do any cooking whilst they're here, as i can't even get a thank you, unlike my child who's manners are impeccable,im finding the lack of manners/acknowledgment and being babied too much difficult to tolerate.