My son is horrible to me

[ID1984]

My son is 6 and a half. He has been having trouble at school and is working with the SENCO and has been seen by the educational psychiatrist. I am really struggling with his behaviour at the moment as he can be so mean. For example about a month ago I deleted YouTube from our Wii and explained that it was because he had been typing inappropriate words into the search and I was trying to keep him safe. He has been brooding over it for a month and I came home today to find that he had deleted my Netflix account from the Wii (including the extra one on the SD card.) He knew that I couldn't download it again because I had told him that the download channel was broken (this is true.) He told me, smirking that it was because I had deleted YouTube. I know that this seems trivial but I am amazed at how he has carefully planned his revenge over such a long time and he is 6! He does things like this a lot and he is cruel to me. He told me to get my "yucky" hands off of him when I stroked his hair. I don't understand where he gets this from, my husband is kind to me and our 4 year old son is well behaved. Does anyone have any thoughts?

Another thing that he does, or has done at least four times, is to wait until a group of people are walking past and then trip himself up saying "mummy pushed me!" Or "Why did you push me?" I feel terrible and some people have reacted badly when he has done this.

Firstly, I feel like you come across as scared of him, you need to take control back off him and stand up to his behaviour. If his behaviour is allowed to flourish, you may have a very abusive teen on your hands one day.
Don't make any empty threats, if you say you're going to X, Y & Z if he misbehaves then follow through and get DH on board. You have to be united.
It does sound like he has issues and worries. Sit him down and talk to him, listen to what he says and try your best to see from his point of view.
Try to instil in him the importance of not lying to get people in trouble. Try to get across the consequences of lying to get you in trouble, obviously in an age appropriate way - don't scare the crap out of him by telling him the police will take him away or anything!
Don't brush off his concerns as silly and childish as he IS a child and small things can be massive to him.

The school think that he has Asperger's syndrome and he has been referred to the autism team. We are not sure he does seem to display some of the behaviour traits and scored highly on a GAD assessment.

Thank you I had not heard of PDA but looking at the PDA Society I can see a lot of my son's behaviour could be explained if he had it. I will bring it up next time we have a meeting at the school. I try not to take it personally it can be hard when he seems to be constantly rejecting me. However recently he's been asking to spend Sunday afternoons with me. My dh has been taking our other son out so that we can spend time together which is helping.

Asperger's sounds ridiculous, for a child who understands VERY well how his words affect people around him. A child who'd think to say that you'd tripped him but only in front of other people, for sympathy and for them to dislike you because of it, is obviously a rather sophisticated observer of emotions and behavior. He sounds more like a sociopath in training than a child with an autism spectrum disorder -- ASDs don't usually manifest as an uncanny knack for understanding what will make people upset or sympathetic.

I'm afraid I agree with Womb.