I think I've unwittingly created the 'baby of the family', he's 3, dh resentful, feel it's a right old mess

[cuppa]

I've got 2 other ds's. They are close together (6 & 7). Ds3 was planned, wanted him also closer but took while to get pg. So he's now 3.

I adore him, but am worried I've babied him. Dh is very resentful of him. Or rather his screamign, tantrums, demanding behaviour. ALl of which I feel is very much within the 'normal 3 yr old behaviour' realms. I think he's louder as he has to exert his presence a bit more having 2 older brothers.

Dh agrees that I've babied him. He gets really frustrated and pissed off with him and me if he has a tantrum. He says he just hates the screaming (very low noise threshhold). I think he hates whatever baby/toddler/young child stage he's at and I think that it will never get better, he's always going to be horrible to him, simply because he's younger than his brothers.

I was up loads with him in the night (unusual) so the tiredness is making me feel more worried/depressed about the situation.

I don't know how to change my behaviour towards him. I wish I could wave a magic wand to make him grow up overnight. I feel dh resents him, every weekend (rarely sees him in week) I think his behaviour at w/e is worse, but maybe is just because am more worried/conscious about it. Feel I've messed up 3rd time around. ALso feel I would baby him more but be a lot more relaxed /enjoy them all more if dh not around.

sorry for waffling. extremely tried and bit down about it.

YOu haven't messed up, your dh is being a dick. If he seriously resents his 3 year old son, he needs to take a long hard look at how adult he himself is being.

Was your dh like this when the other two were at this stage?

I agree that DS3 is probably a bit more vocal because he has 2 older brothers to compete with and, from what you have said, he is just behaving like a normal 3 year old.

I have 3 boys and, tbh, it is dh who babies DS3 the most and I have to have words with him. DS3 is now 8.5 and has learned to play on this.

I do think your dh is being a bit of an *rse about it. 3 year olds make a noise. It's a fact of life. He ought to know this having had two older children.

oh ffs - sounds like your dh is the baby of the family.
For starters children are all so different - maybe your youngest is the sort that needs a bit more babying than the others, and three is still so very young - my children are the same age as yours, and my little ds is still such a toddler in so many ways, I think tantrums and screaming are perfectly normal in a 3 year old - maybe your dh has forgotten?

The problem here lies solely with your dh, not with you or your child(ren), but I think you realise that. Don't know what you can do though? Do you think you can talk about it with him?

no, he wasn't like it with the other 2. poor ds3. I feel I'm wishing his life away - it'll be better when he can talk/ it'll be better when .... but it doesn't seem to get better

Oh and I think you've both created the baby of the family - by having sex!

If your dh feels that you baby DS3 too much, perhaps he'd care to take over completely at weekends??

thanks for you replies. feel really miserable. dh has said he needs to work this w/e and tbh feel relieved. Last weekend was so bad.

3 year olds are just hard work, aren't they? We're going through this slightly with ds2, who's nearly 3 and has entered into that whingy, whiney stage - he's also very loud - much louder in every way than ds1 was or is. Ds2's definitely the baby of the family and seems younger and more babyish than ds1 was at that stage and it's driving dp slightly bonkers..! I think when you've got an older child (our ds1 is 5) you can see how they're going to be when they're a bit older - easier to look after, more self sufficient, (the light at the end of the tunnel!) and then you've got the younger one throwing tantrums and being really hard work!

Is there any way you can take your older two somewhere on a weekend and leave dh with ds3? It might be some one to one time, where your ds3 will probably be quieter and calmer without the other two around, might be good for both of them?