Don't know what to do, Incressingly rude 4 year old DS

[SlapACatFuckADuck]

I have a 4 year old DS, he is becoming increasingly rude and demanding. He refuses to do as he's told, to listen, and continuously answers back. I have no idea what to do with him.

Some of the things he says/comes out with are just horrible more than recently it has been a lot of "I hate your dad/mum" "I'll punch you in the face" We have no idea where he gets these from as we never say them let alone around him/to him. He shouts half the time and whenever he's told off and told to go on the naughty step he just stands there and say's "no" or "I'm not going, I don't want to" He pushes and hits his dad even when they're not play fighting and DP has told him to stop (something only he does with his dad) , He never does this to me but I never have or will play fight with him.

Even at nursery they've agreed he's rude when I brought it up today. He doesn't have anything in his room anymore just his bed and his brother due to being naughty and because we're moving at the end of the week so I've packed things away.

What can I do to make him into the polite little boy that he should be! He's going to school in September and he will have no friends If he carries on!

I'm not quite sure why you are asking for advice since you are arguing and dismissing anything anyone says to you.

Good luck with it all :)

pink Yeah I've asked him but he either say's I don't know or why not? Lot's of running around time he's at pre-school 3/4 days a week and has access to the garden all the time it's not raining. It's not something we really talk about tbh.

When I was in hospital we did normal things (I think) we'd go down and get him a "baby sandwich" as he called it from subway, would take a walk, go outside play within reason. He doesn't know I had brain surgery per say I just told him I was poorly and hurt my head and stomach as they had to do a shunt so had bandages on the stitching on my head.

Six I'll carry on trying to ignore it, and changing the subject we did a bit of talking on how it makes people feel his nursery key workers told him if he's not nice to people then people will go away and leave him, which meant he would be on his own. Something he only said but why to so not really sure why they said it like that as I don't want him to think we're all going to leave him cause we wont!

I was there for the month, saw him every/every other day for a good couple of hours however It's normally just us and DS2 most of the time.

I didn't know that about the stories the nursery suggested removing them but they also said they would of just sent him to bed if he carried on saying it.

I'll look for the list

Thank you :)

Just picked DS up from school. They've said he's been the same, wanted to play a game on the kindle that they're not sure how it got on there (something about killing/running over goats) One of the kids wouldn't give him the kindle so he said "you're going to get very hurt" They've no idea why he's saying it. When asked if he's been naughty he simply says 'no'.

Everytime you tell him it's not nice to say things like that and he'll make other people say he jut says now everybody is going to leave me forever thanks to the keyworker yesterday

I will let her know it doesn't help that she suggested I take him to the dr's to get him tested. I think that's her view but I don't think there's anything medically wrong with him.

The manager thinks it is a phase as he's bored at school

Another voice for the acting bored. I would say "that's a silly thing to say" and then quickly distract him. That, I think, is what my mother would have done and she was an ace when it came to dealing with difficult or troubled children.

The keyworker did definitely not help: I would not be impressed if I were her manager.

Sadly, it is almost certainly the case that he has been affected by vibes surrounding your surgery: children do pick up on these things even if you try to keep it away from them. The more difficult and anxious they are, the more they need to believe in their parents' invulnerability. I had some horrible behaviour from my ds when his older sister was diagnosed with a chronic condition- and that wasn't even his mum. I also know that when a friend went through a terminal illness her youngest turned very angry and difficult. Horrible for the mum, but that's how small children are: you can't expect them to suddenly develop maturity beyond their years because the adults around them need it. (and bless her, she didn't)

Given that his behaviour is probably related to anxiety, I would do anything to avoid any punishments that cut into routines that may make him feel safe, particularly at the end of the day when he will probably be feeling vulnerable. We always had a rule in this house not to let the sun go down on our anger and I think it has worked well over the years: I certainly don't think it has left dc spoiled or unmanageable.

So I would keep the bedtime routine at all costs: let him feel that whatever has happened during the day, there is a safe space for him at bedtime. For the same reason, I would try to avoid showing him how hurt and upset you get. By all means clamp down on poor behaviour but keep it as unemotional as you can. Let him know that you are a rock that he cannot shake and chances are he will stop trying.