Toddler tantrum tips?

[LostAtTheFair]

I'm looking for tips to deal with my 20 month old DS's tantrums. The worst tantrums tend to happen mid morning when he has been awake for approx 2 hours (he takes 1 nap per day, at lunchtime). They usually relate to him wanting something (e.g. a box, utensil) and if it is not possible to give it to him, he has an epic meltdown which lasts until I distract him completely (e.g. Taking him out in the car/buggy). Any tips? I'm struggling to know whether distracting him, hugging him or ignoring him is the best way to go...I've tried it all!

Mine is 2.1 now and in tantrum phase too.

I don't think you can really stop them tantrumming, it's a learning process for them. But I like to be very consistent with mine E.g no means no. No negotiations. Following through on confiscated items not just giving in and giving them back.

I let the tantrum go on for a few minutes then I try to give him a cuddle and have a little chat about why he's sad and explain the situation E.g mummy had to take it away because you were going to hurt yourself.

Then use distraction "ok shall we stop crying and have a story now?"

Personally I think any unwanted behaviours should be ignored. If the behaviour is fed it will grow.

I would wait until they calm down before trying to reason with them/explain why you did what you did. If you try to think about how you feel when you are experiencing heightened feelings of upset/frustration/anger etc you couldn't possibly be reasoned with until you have calmed down a little first

DS is 20 months and has his share of tantrums.

I tend to ignore to start with and the reassure and/or distract. MrsMugoo and Taler are spot on.

Offering something that DS can have/do instead (ideally quickly before they get into tantrum mode) tends to work well here - you can't throw that book but here's a soft ball, you can throw that.

Janet Lansbury (website and fb page) has a lot of great advice on tantrums. A key thing she says is not to distract as it teaches that it's not ok to express strong or negative emotions and it's better to suppress them (as someone with a lifetime of suppressing feelings with food this really spoke to me). She advises to affirm what the toddler is feeling eg 'you wanted to play with the phone'. While standing firm and not negotiating or changing the boundaries. Do this for as long as it takes. I've found this works brilliantly with my dd.