This parenting thing - Hardest thing I've ever done

[IamBlossom]

My DS1 is 2.4, highly intelligent, great fun, very mischievious, full of beans, very loving in general, a gorgy toddler. But boy can he push my buttons. I'd say 85% of the time we rub along very well and I love being a SAHM (have DS2 5 months).

But I have NEVER ever lost my temper so quickly and so hard before I had kids, as I do with him. He is only a baby still, I totally get that, and finding his way and learning the rules, and I use time out and reasoning with him at home to great effect. But this morning, as he ran away from me back to the adventure zone in the sports centre for the 8th time as I tried to get our stuff together, his brothers cardigan on etc, with his shoes on (not allowed) with no adults in there (not allowed) and refused to come to me when I called him, I smacked his bottom. I don't believe in smacking and feel like a total monster. He was so surprised he forgot to cry, and then said "Mummy you are driving me mad today" (clearly a complete mimic of me as I had obviously said that repeatedly this morning)

What do you lot do in these situations? "Come here or I'll......"????? can't use "put you in the downstairs loo", he doesn't care if I count to three, bribery doesn't work....In hindsight I will take the double buggy and strap him in, but BOY did I lose my temper. Is it cos it's Friday and I've had a week of it? Feel guilty and rubbish and sad. On the one hand I love him so much I want to absorb him, on the other he can drive me to distraction.....

Don't beat yourself up over it. We're only human! Afraid I can't offer any practical advice as ds is only 11mo and not walking so we don't have these issues...

IamBlossom, well done for making it to Friday! Your ds1 sounds so much like my dd. Why do they deliberately ignore us over and over?

Don't beat yourself up over the smack. It was in exasperation and hopefully a one-off. I know you love him very much and that is why you feel bad.

I can't say I use any punishment or time out threats or bribes with dd. I think your idea of a buggy is good. Or use toddler reins. You're right, your ds1 is just a baby. They just like to test the limits from time to time. My dd 3.4 is already much better but I am still working on it.

Agree with Blueshoes and Mumpbump - don't beat yourself up and over-analyse.
My DS the same.
Agree that it is bl**dy hard!

it is so hard. I was really hoping to see some useful advice re how to get a defiant toddler to come when asked

I think at least you are not alone, I always deal with my errant toddler first, i.e strap him in the buggy, put his backpack which has a strap and keeps him attatched to me.

At the moment I keep saying, he will soon be three, will surely, please be more biddable, the weather will be nice we can go outside more..... nothing works, he throws things, can be very destructive, drives me mad... yes he is gorgwous too, sometimes

you just sound normal. i look at dd and love her to bits but other times i want to leave her in asdas

i usually bribe dd by telling her ill put her in the corner if she wont come to me and ill tell [someone she looks up to, like nanny] that ill tell her shes been a naughty girl. sometimes works otherwise i drag her out.

I'm sure that's quite normal. It's why I went back to work as soon as I could..... I'm bet you're doing a great job.
If you leave a mark it's a criminal offence though so hope it wasn't an effective smack as it were.

buy a wrist strap that way you can secure him to the pram before you get ds2 ready, also reward him with a sticker or whatever once he has waited patiently by the pram, praise him and thank him for helping you by staying next to the pram. This used to work with my dd who is 4 now

I can feel for you, I have never felt such exasperation as I do when my 2.3yo ignores me. I think the key is know in advance what is going to happen once you get to 3.

I was in the supermarket and I did the come here before I get to 3 line, and when I got to 2 he sat down on the floor. did it again and when I got to 2 he laid down on the floor. I was mortified, I had no plan B and just picked him up and looked embarssed.

what doesnt he like? I say to mine, come here or I will come and get you like a little baby, which he doesnt like because he is a big boy. then if I have to go and get him I can say "that is a shame, I thoight you were such a big boy". For me, it gets the message across without any big punishment, after all he is only little still, and I also get him where I want him.

In the instance you give I would tell him once - you will wait here or I will have to strap you in the buggy - and then if he goes off strap him in. Would he be interested in helping with putting brothers cardigan on? Maybe that would keep him focused.

Do I sound that I in any way know what I am talking about? LOL I dont, but I sympathise so wanted to say something useful.

sounds like any other 2 year old to me.
if it helps, my dd1 is nearly 3 and is much more amenable these days.

agree with the suggestions so far: "stand next to me or you will go in the buggy" - make sure you follow it through, even if you are forcing him into the buggy. it should probably only take you doing it once for him to get the message.
btw i found this backpack great here

Message withdrawn

Thankyou all. I love that backpack and will be buying one for me and several for my friends!! I will deffo use the double buggy in those situations in the future, which will avoid the situation completely. he can yell all he likes but can't escape, so it should hopefully prevent the red mist descending! And no, I did not leave a mark....just a dent in my pride...