Imaginery friends and holding hands - advice please

[saraht1]

Hi, my dd is 4 in May and currently attending pre-school. Every morning before school it is always a battle to get her ready and she becomes so defiant. Once we get her to school she seems to be ok though. However, we do have a problem with her imaginery friends. At times there are only 2 but sometimes we can have a housefull! They go everywhere with her and she tends to hide behind them a great deal. She holds their hands everywhere. We have been aware that she hasnt made that many friends at pre-school and last night my dd turned to me and said that the children at school wont hold her hand, when she asks them to they walk or run away, so she goes away upset, sometimes crying and plays on her own. I tried explaining to her that some children dont like holding hands but she couldnt understand and said thats why i dont like real friends mummy, they wont hold my hand, what can i do? I said to her that she could hold her teachers hand instead but she said that her teacher had big hands like mummy and nanny, she liked holding small hands. I have spoken to the teacher at school and they said they will monitor it and see if they can work on it with her, but I was wondering if anyone else had experienced anything similar, either with the imaginery friends or the holding hands, and could offer some advice.

Thanks in advance

Sarah

DD has a couple of imaginery friends. Se is 4y9m and has had them since being quite little. She has always acknowledged they are not real though. I have just seen it as being part of her imagination, and nothing more.

With regards the preschool and frinds - getting the teachers to monitor is good. Can you ask them about strategies and about getting them to help your DD make friends, maybe pairing her up with indivudal childrens for certain activities. Maybe you could invite one of them back to play at your hosue one day too - try to buold the friendships that way.

I have worked in primary schools for a number of years and, though I would not ignore your daughters claims by any means, children do tend to dramatise situations once home. I bet if you were a fly on the wall at her school you would find her actively engaged in playtime play and in-class interactions far more than she gives you cause to believe. I don't mean to sound dismissive (I have been there myself with my own daughter and it is hearbreaking as a mum) but I would be very surprised if it is as bad as it sounds. Any teacher on duty in he playground would usually intervene if a child appeared to be repeatedly wandering around with no playmates. hth PS I had an imaginary friend as a child - Bouncy Charlie - he went everywhere with me - drove my brother and sister bonkers. Rest assured that the only spin off of this was that I always had a fantastic imagination!

My DD1 (18 next week!) had hordes of imaginary friends. They all had names but there were one or two who stayed around for years.

She would hold their hands and lay places for them at the table at tea time. If you sat in a chair, she would go beserk because you had 'sat on them'! It lasted a year or two and I just let her carry on with it. Even now, if I have reminded her of it, she laughs and said they were real!

I think it is a security thing...