It's OK to cry ...

[KMG]

My son is nearly 5, and from playgroup of nursery or somewhere has picked up the idea that it's "uncool" to cry, or big boys don't cry, or something. I found this rather upsetting, as he feels emotions very deeply, and definitely NEEDS to cry from time to time. Does anyone know of a good book to read which covers this topic? Or can you give any advice, apart from just talking it through with him, which doesn't seem to be working?

KMG, book for you or for him? Steve Biddulph's Bringing Up Boys is reassuring and practical on letting little fellows feel OK about expressing emotions. It's a really good read.
I hate to say this, but is your partner on side about this? I do sometimes think that men say things to their children with the best of intentions, but without considering how they may sound to small ears. The source might be closer to home than you think...and it is terribly easy to suggest to a child that they should be grown-up and not cry about some seemingly trivial issue.

KMG, I suppose you've thought about having a word with his nursery teachers. I think it's important to find out exactly where he got this idea from - daddy, friend or carer - perhaps the originator can then have a talk to him.

Would it help if he sees daddy cry? perhaps you and dh could stage a situation ie dh's favourite sports team losing a match.

Tricky one!

Marina and Tigermoth - thanks for your suggestions. No, it definitely hasn't come from dh - he's with me on this one. I'm pretty sure it will have come from playgroup, or one of his friends.

Can anyone suggest a book or story? He's a very literary boy, and I'm sure this would be a good way in for him.

I remember reading a lovely book to my godson years back called All the Worries in the World..about facing up to things which worry you, the ultimate message being let them out, then they disappear...not quite what you want but its message was v clear on not bottling up even when it's something very embarrassing (eg the horror of turning up at a party in fancy dress when everyone else is dressed normally!)