I have deliberated for months over writing down all my concerns over my ds1 who is 4.5 years old and asking for opinions. About 10 months ago I typed up a list of all his 'quirks' in preparation for him starting in the school nursery so I could prepare the teacher when she did a home visit. Most of my concerns haven't actually been an issue in nursery and he seems to have settled well, but we have recently found out he hasn't been given a place at that school for September (or our 2nd/3rd choices), so I feel like we need to talk to his new teachers before then. Btw, the school he has been given we are actually happy with and have decided not to appeal or fight to get into the original one, partly because they have a better reputation with children with SEN.
I'm on my phone and at work, so apologies for things I miss and add to later, and I might ramble a bit!
After I watched a programme last year with a child diagnosed with pathological demand avoidance, I realised how many similarities I saw in my son. He has always seemed to stand out amongst other children as being the awkward one, not joining with activities at various play sessions I took him to, always being the one who never did as I asked and would run off or cause trouble somewhere. He's very bright, very interested in numbers (but not letters), started talking early and has always been very articulate, seems well coordinated and has recently learned to ride his bike properly, but there are just things about him that I just don't know if I can put down to being a 'normal' 4 year old, or different! He is IMMENSELY stubborn. Everything is a battle. Getting dressed...getting in car properly (instead of getting in driving seat or climbing in the boot while I'm strapping younger ds2 in), walking to school...refusing to hold hands, wanting to run ahead and not paying any attention to driveways or me asking him to stop or come back...eating...extremely fussy, sleeping...getting ready for bed, staying in bed, waking up multiple times in the night to make demands...having a screaming fit about going on motorways (always asks when we suggest going anywhere if we have to go on the motorway and if we say yes...kicks off), hair cuts...you'd think they were cutting his head off!! Nail cutting is also difficult.
Got to rush so trying to be brief but could go into much more detail and give loads more examples. You seem to have to handle him in a certain way to make him comply...eg make it a challenge...I bet you can't get dressed before...but the novelty of these ways wears off for him. I've done the Webster Stratton Incredible Years parenting course which I found extremely helpful, but I do find it hard to maintain techniques when I'm getting to the end of my tether. Other things that I'm aware of are that he will not join in activities that other children are doing. I dread certain birthday parties for this reason, and we went to one yesterday. Lots of traditional party games that he refused to join in, and either was trying to disrupt the whole thing by running around the room pushing his younger brother over when he had a chance, or sitting sulking because I'd made him come and sit with me. He doesn't really seem to play with other children unless they do exactly what he orders them to do, and usually likes to chase others around which is not always appreciated. He has one particular friend that he has totally clicked with, mainly because they are equally silly with the poo head and wee face type names they call each other (most other kids don't like that either). It makes me sad not to see him enjoying himself at parties etc like all the other children. And I try so hard to be firm, consistent and patient with him, but find it exhausting! I avoid a lot of scenarios with him because I know they will be difficult, such as big open spaces (him and brother run off in different directions), organised activities (he won't join in), farm visits on my own with the two of them...he just runs off and won't hold my hand, and then ds2 copies.
Basically...any advice or opinions?! Sorry for such a long disjointed post!
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Normal 4 year old or ASD?
22 replies
Jemimabelle · 25/04/2016 18:53
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