Ds (4) getting upset about death

[Leslaki]

DS was up last night getting all upset about deatha nd ding. he mentioned his friend's grandma is dead (she died 20 years ago) and he started worrying about his grandparents, me and him dying. He was asking all about it and I thought I'd calmed him down this mornign but he was on about it tonight about who would look after him if I died, what he would do if he ied, what is heaven like etc etc. he also kept asking about grandma and grandpa as they're 'old'.

been through alll the usual soothing statements like we all die one day but probably not until you're really old type things.

Any tips?

Might have a workd with his teacher tomorrow.

DS1 is 4 and also taking a big interest in the great hereafter atm . He's not scared as such, I think, but he did ask me lots of questions about when I will die, when he will die, will dh and I die at the same time, will dying hurt, etc. It all began with him seeing a snake eat a gopher during a nature documentary I failed to police properly.

I am taking the line that death is not painful, it is usually very peaceful and happens to the very old or the very ill. I have also pointed out that older people die and new people are born, and he seems to accept that there is a logic to it. Re: what comes after death, I have said the same things as about religion/God - I've given him a basic idea of the major schools of thought on the subject (eg Christians believe in Heaven/angels, Buddhists believe the soul is reincarnated, some people believe we just stop like a watch, etc). He is very matter of fact and curious about the corporeal realities of death - burial, coffins etc - I've told him that the body is like a shell or a coat which isn't needed any more after the person has died. I've told him that it just melts back into the earth and goes towards making new grass/flowers/plants, which he seems to think is very clever and neat. He knows about bones because of his body book, and dinosaur fossils, he doesn't seem spooked by it.

I'm hoping I haven't cocked it up, traumatised or confused him - we all just do the best we can, I suppose. It's not an easy subject.

Perhaps you could say something like, most people die when they are so old and tired and weak that they can't get up anymore in the mornings and do some work. So they die. Explain that YOU will only get that old when he is a very grownup man and he will have children of his own to look after then. That will make it seem a long time away! You could say that grandma and grandpa aren't THAT old, are they?! Not by a long way!! Smile and sound happy as if its nothing to worry about.

Thanks for the advice. Iv etried being upbeat and saying it teds to be when people are really old etc but then he wants me to promise he or I won't die before then!!! AAARGH!!! Hopefully it's a phase he's going through but will try all your tips. Thanks