Nappy changing terror

[PeaceLoveAndJaffaCakes]

My DS is 16mo and has developed some kind of absolute terror around having his nappy changed or being dressed/undressed. He even refuses to go in the bath sometimes, despite being a certified water baby since birth.

Every dirty nappy means we both need a shower and a full change of clothes, the floor needs mopping, and some toys need cleaning. It gets literally everywhere, because he writhes around and tries to get up and run away. He also screams like he's being murdered. If I heard it out of context, I'd think there was something horrendous happening to him. It upsets me and he cries for a while afterwards.

What the hell is going on? How do I get past this? I try really hard to be fun and make it a game, sing to him, distract him with something he isn't usually allowed, let him be involved (passing wipes etc), but nothing works and he just completely melts down.

I have never knowingly hurt him or caused any kind of trauma that he might relate to nappy changes. I'm at a complete loss. If it is just age related, how long does it last? I'm at the end of my tether with it.

Alternatively, is there any way I can make his poo more solid? He has a balanced diet and enough water, not too much fruit etc. But his nappies are as runny as a baby's. I was always told they should have a high fat, low fibre diet, but should I increase his fibre?

It sounds awful, doesn't it, not having a mat. We had a mat when he was a baby that fitted into the cot top changing table but I think we threw it away when it was beyond washing. I used blankets as well, but at some point we moved onto just the floor. He's been fine with it up until now.

When we use disposables we do use Pampers pants (was lucky enough to trial them for MN and they were so good that we kept using them).

On our way out now so I will reply properly later. Thank you so much though.

DS1 and me got standing up changes down to an art.

DS2 was about 20 months when he became hysterical about having his bed nappy on. He would bellow 'no, no, no' and cry and kick and writhe, then pull it straight off again and throw it. After about a week of it, I just thought sod this; it was like wrestling a furious crocodile, even down to the 'death roll'.
So, I put him to bed without a nappy on, and that was that. He hasn't worn one since, and has never wet the bed. He's 6, now!

I think the rages were frustration at knowing he didn't need one on, and at me for not listening to him.

You've got hard floors, OP. Could be we worth trying him nappy free?

I don't think I ever had a mat, thinking back! I just used a towel or cloth.

I may well have hard floors, but I also have a beautiful new rug that would just love to soak up his free-flowing wee and poo he's definitely not ready for potty training yet; the thought had already crossed my mind.
When he next poos I will attempt a standing up change.

My 18 mth dd started with this a few weeks ago.
I've found that what works for her is to lay her down to change her (mat on the bathroom floor) where she'll scream and protest and cry, but I don't start to undress her or anything.
After a minute or so of me doing nothing, I say "do you want a cuddle?", we have a teary cuddle and she calms down, then I give her a toy/my phone/pack of wipes, lay her down again and she is much calmer to carry on.
Still wriggles a bit and chunters but nowhere near the hysterics we were having.
I think she doesn't know herself why she does it, but allowing her to be upset about it and comforting her really helps to move her past the 'panic'.
I have also done standing up changes when I know there's no poo!

It sounds like you need a mat first and foremost, how uncomfortable for him, poor little thing :-( They're hardly difficult to clean.

Sounds like the diet/ loose stool and changing nappies are 2 issues. What's a typical days menu?

Ds hates his nappy being changed too. We got some pull ups when he was really bad and they made standing up nappy changes possible. Otherwise I do use peppa pig on my phone/cbeebies on TV downstairs to distract. I like the idea of choosing a nappy as that would appeal to ds too.

Howilove it's hardly child abuse. He always has something under his head.

He didn't have a dirty nappy all day yesterday so I haven't had a chance to try any techniques out.

I will try the cuddle as well. I guess I panic about him smearing poo everywhere and needing an outfit change.

We're going to buy a new mat today so stand down on calling the NSPCC

Thank you so much for continuing to comment and offer suggestions. I was at such a low point when I first posted.

Typical days menu would be:

Cereal with whole milk/toast with peanut butter
9oz watered down whole milk if he needs it to nap
Peanut butter sandwich or tortilla/scrambled egg and toast/pasta and vegetables, yoghurt
Rice cakes/oaty bar/raisins something like that
Pasta bolognese/chicken with vegetables/fish fingers and beans
9oz whole milk
He also has about 9oz water throughout the day that he helps himself to.

It doesn't look like he eats much fruit or vegetables but I promise he has a good balanced diet. I'm crap at thinking of a typical day's menu on the spot!

I did consider that it might be too much liquid but then some days (very occasionally) he will be more solid than others.

Sounds very normal diet (by which I mean same as my toddler!) Don't think there's much you can do about that I'm afraid!

His diet sounds very low on fruit and veg OP....I can only see one mention of veg in there for lunch.

And no fruit at all...does he not eat any?

Oh I see you mention that you just can't think of any...but if you look at it honestly via thinking about your weekly shop, that will let you know what if any fruit he's eating and what veg on a regular basis.

The loose poo could be toddler diarreah - pretty normal. DTs had it and it was a pain. I just pinned them down for nappy changes - it had to be done, they grew out of the hating it.

Honestly, he eats a good range of fruit and vegetables, he just eats such different things every day that I can't think of a "typical" menu. Yesterday he had potatoes, parsnips, peas, tomatoes. The day before he had broccoli, potatoes, peas, sweetcorn, satsuma, sweet potato.

He still hasn't had a dirty nappy, trust him

Typical! Never has a kid had so many waiting rapt for him to do a poo! I'm hoping the stand up change works for you OP!

He has been. Quite spectacularly, by all accounts. Thankfully I wasn't present, so didn't try anything new. DH just plonked him in the bath and stripped him off in there. Apparently he let him play with the dripping tap, which kept him amused. Good tip.

So after we got home from shopping, I put the mat out in the living room with the new baby doll on it wearing her dolly nappy, and he was interested, so I'll see where we get with that.

Sounds like progress! DD likes to play at putting nappies on soft toys etc.

Is he telling you he's ready for a potty?

Charvey i can't imagine so, at 16mo? Surely it would be EC at this age? He can tell me when he's been but not before.

It's incredibly unlikely he could be actively able to use a potty. Not just physically but maturity wise there's no way a 16 month would stop play to use a toilet.

My thoughts Excited

I have sympathy OP - I couldn't change my 17mo standing up after a poo, like your DS her poos are very sloppy and I just couldn't get her clean enough with her legs together. Realise it's a bit different for boys though.
I was going to suggest, what about changing him in the bath? Then you could do standing up and shower him and the bath off afterwards, if he would let you? And like you say, dripping tap and bath toys etc could distract. He might even let you do it lying down though that might be difficult over the edge of the bath.
When DD refuses to lie down for a poo change, it is fairly rare so we usually battle through it but if it's just on our way out to nursery or some other time I just don't have time for it, I give her my phone and let her watch a nursery rhyme video on youtube...