4.5 year is not autistic but school is trying to prove otherwise

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My son has started school this year. We are working parents and spend less time with him. Most of the time he is with nanny who speaks different language. So he is behind in speech and language. His behavior is very different at home and in school. He is a perfectly happy and healthy child ate home. Now school is trying to prove that he is autistic which he is definitely not. He like to play alone and doesn't like orders. It seems that they are trying to get rid of him. He is last July born and youngest in his class. I have seen significant improvement in him since he started school. Can they throw him out of school without our consent. what options do we have.

op, just to clarify, the school actually said that they are not the best place for your son and they don't have the resources to look after him? Did they really say that or is it your interpretation? Also is it an academy?

I think you have nothing to lose by having your son assessed and he has lots to gain by being assessed.

If he is behind in speech because of the language issue that will be picked up on and he will have extra help. Children of that age usually pick up language in school quite quickly.

If he is found to have autism traits then he will have help and support.

As others have said it is usually difficult to get a school to have a child assessed so they must have real concerns.

When you say he plays with sophisticated toys what do you mean? Has he never played with toys like cars, paints, play dough etc? Those types of toys teach children so much so it may well be that he has just missed out on that type of play so far but it is important for their development.

What does your nanny do with him?

Does he watch English tv programmes? Or mainly in your language?

Don't panic. They are only trying to help him.

It really hurts when someone says there is something wrong with your son. Please don't shoot the messenger.

My son had assessments for autism at three years old. He had an assessment with the community paedriatrian, audiology, SLT and a psychologist.It turned out he wasn't autistic, but he was very deaf. Glue ear can have an affect on the development of language and behaviour.

I suggest you contact your GP and ask for a referral to a community paedriatrian, ask for a hearing test and get your son's eyes tested. A school teacher is not qualified to diagnosed autism, but they are well placed to say if something isn't right.

If the school is saying they can't support him then rather than trying to ensure they keep him you need to look at why they are saying this, they must have very good reasons. It is extremely difficult to get a special school place (been there, done that, got refused for my son with fairly severe autism) so I would be looking for a different provision and applying for an ehcp (new version of statement - see ipsea website for info) to find a school which can support your son properly.

If the school is OKish - work with them and allow your DS to be assessed. If he has additional needs work with the school to get him extra support. If he doesn't have additional needs then carry on as usual.

If the school is genuinely not the place for him, doesn't listen to you and doesn't have the resources to support your DS, then find a new school.

sorry, havent read the other responses school surely cannot say if he has ASD or not. that is the remit of s developmental paed.

however, school noticed areas of difficulty. a bilingual language environment doesn't affect speech and language and from reading U suppose that you, your DH and school are all English speaking, just the nanny is speaking a different language.

I have a DC with severe ASD and a lot if friends with children with ASD. usually, parents face an uphill struggle to get their child's need recognised and I do wonder if you put your head into the sand.

I would arrange for him to be seen by a paed and get school to arrange an EP assessment and take things from there.

and maybe read up a bit about ASD. you don't seem to know a lot about it. the spectrum is huge.

just saw that english is not your first language. but there is a wealth of evidence that this does not affect the speech and language development. don't make the mistake and assume it is all down to that when your son may have underlying issues. get him assessed. you have nothing to loose, only to gain.

The school aren't qualified to give him a diagnosis. Only a professional can do that. Teachers aren't professionals in that field.

Normally, if a child does have issues, they are displayed across the board. Not always but mostly. So, if he is misbehaving at school, it will be something there.

If the school says they do not have the resources, I'd be questioning if it were the right school for him and would be considering a move. I'd go along with the assessment for reassurance, too.

We're in a similar situation in that our DS (at a private preschool) has been referred to SALT at the suggestion of the teacher. She suspects he is on the spectrum but recommended this as first step as it can take a long time to be assessed for ASD. We are not really sure whether we agree, in particular DH thinks they are wrong. He's certainly a long way behind his twin sister in terms of language, emotional development etc and has sensory issues eg hates loud noises, has a very restricted diet, so we decided to go ahead with the referral - if he does need extra help I would rather know about it sooner than later - the primary school we hope he'll be going to is huge (90 intake) and I fear he'll go under the radar if we don't spot it now.
So I can understand your reticence but I don't really see why you wouldn't go through the referral/screening process as it won't do any harm - if they're wrong he won't be diagnosed and if they're right he'll get the help he needs?

My guess is, but we can't confirm that as we only have one perspective, that the child in question has learning, social and behaviour issues, and the school struggles to educate him. and based on the school's experience (they deal with hundreds of children a year) the teacher/ht suspect that there is more to it.

However the parents are in denial and refuse to have assessment, therefore the school cannot get the appropriate level of support, tools, extra help as they don't have a firm diagnosis.

I have worked in various schools for 10 years and have seen this exact situation a handful of times. Including a little boy whose parents point blank refused assessments, and he was diagnosed with asd aged 13 so he spent all his primary school years with teachers struggling to support him. He would have benefited from early intervention but this was refused by the parents as they didn't want their son 'labelled'. Very sad indeed as there is little the school can do.

I suspect this is going with the family we are discussing here. I sincerely hope that the op changes her mind and accept that her son is seen by professionals. To the posters saying that the school is not qualified to diagnose - well neither are the parents or the nanny, who have NO experience in the matter.

It may take him ages to get a diagnosis. An ep will only say he has difficulties with this/that and offer strategies to be implemented by the school. They can recommend referrals elsewhere if they suspect anything else (School Action Plus). In the meantime, even with the referral pending, the school should support him under School Action. They do have a budget for that. If he does get a diagnosis he may be statemented but they're very hard to get.

Even if parents refuse intervention? How can you have a reasonably effective iep if parents don't acknowledge that there is an issue? School home partnership? Even if you don't have a firm diagnosis in my opinion it would be much easier and effective for the school to have a plan in place if parents actually acknowledged that there was an issue.

And school action school action plus don't exist anymore
senmagazine.co.uk/articles/articles/senarticles/farewell-to-school-action-will-children-with-sen-be-left-unsupported

Lots of parents work full time. You are not unique in that. Yes the language may be an issue, but I think you need to take on board what the school is saying. If you don't spend much time with him (by your own admission) then how can you definitively say there is nothing to worry about?

At home, I would assume, things happen in a way he is happy with. The nanny probably makes up for his behaviour more than she or anyone would realise. Once he is in school, and his behaviour is not the only concern, then the problems arise.

Listen to the school.

As much as schools can't 'just kick him out' I am friends with a lady who for a long time did an outreach role, going around to the local primary schools and assessing their abilities to work with children who needed extra support. The school in our village has had an Outstanding ofsted for many years. When she went into the school and was chatting with the Headteacher, she actually asked my friend 'off the record' how she could remove all the children with learning difficulties and SEN from the school. My friend was disgusted with her attitude and although she has only told me what was said (and doesn't broadcast it), if Mums have asked for the best schools to send their children she never mentions that school.

DD nearly went there (it was why we bought a house in this village when I was first PG with DD) but I'm so glad we chose a smaller school a couple of miles away.

Listen to the school! They won't be doing this for fun! People fight to get a diagnosis of autism, and associated help.

I am confused about where are you - in the UK? - but I'd change your nanny to one who speaks your language, to limit your ds's confusion and help his language skills come on more quickly.

I'd start interacting with your son more and speaking to him.

And what are the 'sophisticated toys' you mean? Electronic devices? In that case, I'd get him off those and playing with more age-appropriate toys. FFS. He's a child - he should be playing with toys, not stuck on a screen!! Things like cutting help fine motor skills. Painting does the same plus improves creativity - and is fun and age-appropriate.

Schools are the experts here - they see thousands of children and can pick up which are having problems, or are behind, and need extra help.

You are lucky, in that your school sounds good to have picked up on his needs so quickly. Like others have said, getting a diagnosis is very hard and a lot of work and paperwork that the school has to invest.
What I think you saying in your post is that you don't spend time with him, talk to him and this is resulting in his social and communication problems. What are you doing to fix this? Whether your child has autism or not you are putting your child at a huge disadvantage by not helping him with his needs. You are saying that the school doesn't have resources to help him yet you are not helping him at home. What type of resources have you identified that he needs at this age that he won't have in a mainstream classroom?
I'm in the education system and the biggest impact on a child's success at school (with or without special needs) is the support and time they get at home to support them. Additionally, a state school does not throw children out if a child has autism. They will be doing this to help him and make him successful - don't fight it. You are putting your energy in the wrong direction.

I have watched family members refuse to accept that there was a problem (which was very clear to other family members in a family with a number of people on the spectrum).

It was a great shame that help was refused early on as this child had to wait until he was nearly 10 for a diagnosis and so much time to support him in the best way was lost.

These were very intelligent, educated people and one grandparent was a SEN specialist... but they were in denial.

OP, please rethink your position. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain from an assessment.

Most kids with ASD are in mainstream schools for much of primary school. If he does turn out to have autism, they most likely can meet his needs - it just requires a little effort and spending from a pot of money they already have, even without an EHCP.

Thanks plimsolls...I will try to get an independent professional help identify the issue..

I didn't know about that, cutthe. My daughter was on both for a time. Going back a couple of years now.

If there are serious concerns from the school that he may have ASD, then you need to accept that they have a lot more experience than you, of both children with ASD, and neurotypical children. For the sake of your son, you need to have this looked into, because if they think hes struggling now, then he needs extra support to help him gain skills. Ive seen lots of parents refuse to acknowledge - ive been there, Its not nice, but your son will be exactly the same boy with or without a diagnosis. Refusing to acknowledge, is not going to do your boy any favours.

Alpha you don't need an independent professional. In Plims post she thought you were at a private school. You just need to ask school to go ahead with assessment.

YY lonny My first post was indeed a misunderstanding! I had completely misunderstood what the OP was about. I have no idea how/why! I was semi-distracted I think.

alpha it sounds like the school is already arranging for an independent professional to come in (it will be someone either from the local authority or from the local NHS paediatric service). They will be independent from the school and will talk to you, teachers & see your ds. They will form an opinion based on everything they hear, see, and experience - they won't just accept what the school says. Be confident in telling them your point of view and try to be open minded about what they say too. Everything will be for your DS's best interests. In all likelihood, the independent professional will be registered with either the General Medical Council or the Health and Care Professions Council so they would be struck off/cautioned/suspended if they acted in any other way.

After you have met the professional and found out what they think, you might want to get other types of professionals involved, you might not. Just wait and see. Honestly, I don't think you have anything to fear from this.