19 month old cries hysterically at strangers and people we know, also frightened of noises

[jki1]

I am worried about our 19 month old son and his behaviour with others. At home he's a usual toddler, gets stroppy if we dont do things he wants immediately although he can't talk yet so it's not easy figuring out what that is all the time. He has the odd tantrum too but that's normal and I can handle that. What I think is strange and worrying me a lot is how he acts with other people. He gets really hysterical and cries a lot at people who he doesn't know and people he does know. If we go out for a walk he will point at a dog but if the dog owner smiles at him he will scream. If my neighbour talks to me he will scream and cry. He hates going to the sure start groups but I have been trying to take him weekly for a few months to get him used to that environment with other children and adults but this morning he just got absolutely hysterical and I ended up bursting into tears too which is embarrassing and then I had to leave as he was upsetting other children! He has a good sense of humour and loves to play with my partner, me and my mum but won't interact with anyone else apart from my neice and nephew who he adores but doesn't see very often (they're 11 and 10). He also developed a fear of my hairdryer and has always been scared of the hoover and will cry if they are put on. Some people tell me its a phase but others worry me that it something more like autism and I am scared. I have contact the Health visitor to come and see him. Please can anyone help by telling me they are going through the same thing and more importantly anyone who has been through it and their child has got better. I am so stressed it is not helping him.

I have just come across this thread and am so relieved to discover we're not alone in this. My lo is almost 21 months old and we've experienced so much of the above with her. She cries hysterically when we're around other people (both strangers and relatives/friends). She likes to watch others but as soon as they so much as smile at her it's the end of the world. Meeting up with friends is really difficult - we had our NCT friends and their babies over several months ago and my husband and I had to just take turns hiding upstairs with her as she couldn't stand to be around the rest of the group. She is ok with my parents but still not good with my husband's family...she's the first grandchild on both sides and it's such a shame that people haven't been able to bond with or cuddle or play with her. Lockdown hasn't helped matters either as she's barely seen anyone other than through FaceTime/Zoom and we've obviously not been able to get along to our usual toddler groups. I know it is most likely just a phase (albeit a long one) and something she will grow out of, but I have never come across another child like this so it's been a bit of a struggle.

She is also very sensitive to certain sounds, although we're noticing that this is improving as she grows. People sneezing used to be a big problem, and even the sound of a sheet of kitchen towel being torn off the roll would make her jump out of her skin. These days the biggest noise issue is the sound of people laughing, especially if we're in a group setting and there's a sudden outburst of laughter. I think she'll grow out of that though as there are lots of other sounds that used to really bother her that she's now fine with.

Anyway, I just wanted to jump on here and say thanks to the OP and to everyone else who's responded as it really does help so much to know we're not the only ones going through this and that there's light at the end of the tunnel!

Hi.
I was wondering if you could share an update on how your child got on. Did your son grow out of this?I'm going through a similar situation. My son who is 18 months has regular melt downs and huge tantrums with strangers. Its making everyday a struggle. He hates anyone invading his personal space infact all it takes sometimes is for someone to look at him and he starts screaming. He goes playgroup once a week where he seems to play okay with other children when I say okay I mean he is okay with them being near him but he does hit out at them which is a whole other issue im dealing with. He interacts well with myself and close family members and generally I'm not worried about his development with speech he seems to pick up words with ease and understands what I'm telling him. He is loving and likes cuddles and I get good eye contact however I do have some concerns like from an early age he was always extremely hard work he has been hard to feed up until this day dinner time can be a chore. He doesn't sleep through the night well. We have to co sleep due to certain circumstances and he constantly looks for my hand throughout the night. I dont think I've had a full night sleep since his been born. He can hold on to objects for a very long time for example he would always have a car in his hand and my main concern is his social behaviour. I picked up a friend from work and as soon as she got in the car he had a melt down. We went to the park where he would continue to melt down if she spoke or looked at him. However he did run over to a little girl and kiss her. Im so confused and tired. I run up until 8 months pregnant and I'm starting to think this may have hurt him in some way.Any advice would be appreciated.

Hello. Yes he did grow out of it! He’s 4 and such a popular boy at nursery he has lots of friends and has no issues with anyone else. It must have been a phase. Don’t get me wrong he isn’t really confident but confident enough if that makes sense :-) thank you for your replies.

Hello does anyone have an update on this?

I am in the same situation

thanks

Have just seen your reply.
brilliant it’s just a faze xx

I was just reading through this thread and saw that I responded in 2016! The 5.5yo who I talked about then is now 12yo and the things I wrote in my post about what she was like as a toddler are honestly a distant vague memory.

I know it's hard when you're in it, but honestly one day you will look back at it and won't believe the brilliant young person they have become.

I'm loving looking back on this post...my daughter is now 4.5 and has changed so much...hang in there everyone! She's still cautious and prefers to observe others before joining in but she's sooo different and so much more confident than the way I last described her. One thing that was a game changer for us was reading the book 'The Highly Sensitive Child' by Elaine N Aron. Once I understood that my daughter is 'highly sensitive' (and actually so am I) it made things so much easier and gave us peace of mind. The best thing we did was to simply go with what she was comfortable with and not try to change her or make her more like other kids, regardless of what anyone else said she 'should' be like. They really do grow into the most amazing little humans, it's just a really hard beginning for us parents.

So glad to find this thread! My LO is 16 months and he's hysterical with both family and strangers - it feels so draining and like we're the only ones going through it. It makes going out very hard. Even if someone glances at him he'll burst into tears and take an age to calm down. It's so heartbreaking to watch. We're currently settling him into nursery and as you can imagine it's a total nightmare, even though he's in a very small class of two other babies. I'm glad to see it gets better because I honestly can't see an end at the moment

I’m still in this at the moment with my 26 month old every time we go out an a waitress comes over or anything she will burst in to tears . I just always tell the waitress she’s just woke up so bit grumpy. But I’m hoping when she starts talking properly she can tell me exactly what’s wrong. It can be so hard and feel suffocating but it will stop eventually we got this mummas xx

@Lovingmumlifee Yes I often say that as well - "oh he's just grumpy today!" "Don't take it personally" "are you not smiling at anyone today then mr?" Honestly I feel so guilty doing it but every other toddler / baby I know is so smiley or just generally not fussed. No idea when it'll end but hopefully soon! I just want him to be happy but the way he bursts into tears or cries at people breaks my heart. But at the same time we can't just stay indoors forever obviously. Weirdly he's fine at playgroups / baby groups, and we've been going since he was little, but as soon as anyone even looks at him, that's it!

Got 4 kids, oldest is 12. With us it’s our 3rd-born (20-months). All the stuff people have mentioned on here - screaming or crying at strangers, unfamiliar family members, random people in the lift etc etc.

Crèche-type scenarios are really stressing me out. I make her wave and say hello to them, but some people she just screams at and it’s random and nonsensical who she chooses to dislike. It’s so darn stress-inducing! Would love to hear if the original poster’s son grew out of it. Is some comfort to hear other stories of their kids outgrowing this absurdity.

One shouldn’t engage in envy, but I do see other beautifully relaxed, chilled and friendly children and wonder how on earth there’s such a striking contrast. All best to all

Hi please an update ..i am in the same boat with my 22 dd

@megarabbit you might be better starting your own thread as this one is from 8 years ago 

@Firstimemum24 have you tried an @ ? It might get the OP's attention if they are still around