hitting and other abuse is it okay?

[annagillian]

I am not a parent, I'm a teen and I want to know if this is okay as you are all mums...
all few my life I have had a mum with anger issues and a dad who would never help.
Since I was young all I can remember is my sister crying, being so afraid, running and hiding from my mum and dad, hiding under my bed and be dragged out to be hit so, so ,so hard. I used to have nightmares about it. My mum would always drag me along the floor and my dad would always smack me.
But this is because of my behaviour, I don't know what I was like then, but I know I missed behaved.
Now I am older nothing has changed except I get more angry, I swear a lot and I'm violent but I don't thing its my fault, its the way I have been brought up!
My mum will still drag me along the floor so will my dad, they will still hit me, one time I was left we a huge mark on my leg and back I was screaming and crying in pain. My mum will slap me across the face, and she has hit my sister with a chopping board before. And this has all made me hate my life so much, made me want to start my life again but the worst thing is I cant.
My parent are loving and all but that doesn't change anything.
I will destroy things with my anger, swear over and over again break things and make a mess but I can't control it, I have tried, that's why I get punished.
I don't want to hit my parents and if I do its once and no where near as bad as what my parents have done to me, but still I feel bad.
And at the end of the day after they have hurt me they make me say sorry.
My parents have become so controlling, we have no screen days and no eating on the sofa, no t.v after they go to bed, this all makes me so mad, not that I can't watch t.v but because they are so controlling!
This has all made me hate my dad!
The other day I was bad and he got a dirty cloth and rubbed it on my mouth, it really hurt and I started crying, he said that did hurt... this made me so angry!
I really hate my life now, I look to other families and wish I was in theres, but I'm not.
What do you think? Am I in the wrong?

Hi love, been thinking of you. How did it go with your counsellor today?

I have talked to her about my family before and she has tried to help but all they want is for me to change they won't except that they need to change, today I said about what has happened recently and she said I can't change your family

Hello party. Now this is what I meant about telling people until someone listens.

It doesn't seem that your counsellor is listening to the message of what you are saying. She is probably working on trying to help you with your feelings and actions now but not focussing on the overall environment you are living in and the things that have lead up to this moment that you shouldn't have had to experience.

Keep telling people. Have you worked out who your safeguarding person is at school? Can you talk to your head of year? It might be easier to start with someone you don't know. Call the Childline number when you next get the chance. Do you have a phone and somewhere private to talk?

Tell these people the things you told us in your first post about the hitting, and the dragging along, and the cloth in your mouth. These are the things that you need to be safe from. No screens is a pain and you don't like it but it's not harming you. Some of these other things are.

Now, what do you have to be proud about from the last day? You should be proud you talked to your counsellor even if it didn't go as you hoped. Can you be proud of anything else? I'm sure there are lots of things. Keep trying to be the best person you can be.