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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2 year old uncontrollable bad behaviour - is this normal??

50 replies

LimesMum · 27/03/2016 21:28

My 2 yr and 1 month daughter is currently being a complete nightmare. Wondering whether this is just normal for her age or not?

We are currently on holiday and she is hands down the worst behaved child in the whole (massive resort) which is partly what has made me question this.

She is not in anyway afraid of us as parents as in if we say if you do that again then you won't go to the disco or won't go to the pool (both of which she loves) she just laughs at us even if we carry through with what we have said it isn't making any difference.

At meal times she hits us, throws food and cutlery in the floor and is generally badly behaved

When we have eventually had to take her home and put her in her cot she screams for 20-30 mins and has now started to shove her fingers down her throat to make herself sick....

It's definitely been much worse since on holiday but was also becoming quite bad before we left.

Any advice greatly appreciated!! Thanks

OP posts:

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NewLife4Me · 27/03/2016 22:40

This isn't naughty behaviour though, she just doesn't understand yet.
it sounds quite normal to me and even though she isn't bothered when you see a punishment through, I wouldn't be concerned yet.
If this was still the case a few years down the line then maybe cause for concern.
Now is the time to educate, not punish.
God I hope that didn't sound condescending, it wasn't meant to.

BrightandEarly · 27/03/2016 22:42

My DD was an early talker and I remember her being quite difficult age 2, particularly on holiday.

I think it is easy to confuse the early talking with advanced emotional development - just because she can repeat what she's heard you say doesn't mean she is emotionally ready for quite complex punishment / reward concepts.

I agree with PPs who have suggested lots of praise, and choosing your battles. Make plans for the day that won't require a lot of 'good behaviour'. Just running around outside / playground / pool and picnic style meals rather than e.g. restaurant meals.

BasinHaircut · 27/03/2016 22:46

Sounds like my DS and he is 2.7.

I agree that you often forget that they don't understand stuff if they talk well.

I'm also hoping it means they are bright!

Haffdonga · 27/03/2016 22:47

Limesmum your dd clearly sounds very bright and keeping you on your toes like clever children do.

But you do say she is hands down the worst behaved child in the whole (massive resort) . then later you say this little girl definitely understands consequences and has for a while! so clearly there is a bit of a mismatch between her behaviour (you say worst in the resort) and your behaviour management style and expectations (the consequences you are giving) suggesting that what you're doing isn't working terribly well for you all right now.

Nobody is saying don't set boundaries or give consequences, but just that for a child who has only just turned two, consequences work better if they are instant and related to the act (because the future is just not something they've really got a full handle on at that age and they certainly don't enough theory of mind to work out what somebody else will or wont like and will or wont subsequently do as a result).

Also, it's really not surprising in a totally new environment on holiday when all routines are disrupted that her normal behaviour is worse. Give yourselves a break and enjoy your holiday without comparing her with other children. (They're probably all older than her).

VelvetCushion · 27/03/2016 22:56

Sounds like a nightmare.
Naughty step, remove all toys, don't give her any attention whatsoever for at least an hour after bad behaviour. No treats after bad behaviour. You say she understands so is therefore bright.
She is trying you out. Probably spoilt like most kids are (we don't realise we are spoiling them so don't take that personally) we all do it!

Mine was like it at 3 years old. I smacked his leg a few times if im honest. (Ive just told him that as im typing this, he's just laughed at me) he's 16 this year. Drove me insane sometimes. She will get better in time

CityDweller · 27/03/2016 23:05

My first for Velvet's comment.

Sootica · 27/03/2016 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Robotgirl · 27/03/2016 23:07

Helpful, Velvet?

Mine was like it at 3 years old. I smacked his leg a few times if im honest.

EnPapillot · 27/03/2016 23:08

My 23mo old definitely understands 'being sat down' for hitting or throwing toys or doing something he's been told not to repeatedly. It's made a massive difference to hitting- he really doesn't like being sat down and has stopped hitting and throwing a lot. OP in your case, I think I'd tackle it gradually as opposed to all at once, small steps and all that.
There's some really good advice above, I'll be using some of it.

EnPapillot · 27/03/2016 23:09

Definitely not the smacking however.

Audreyhelp · 27/03/2016 23:13

Sootica you put that so well.. Totally agree with you.

DontDeadOpenInside · 27/03/2016 23:16

My ds aged 2y 7m is a pain aswell, they don't call it terrible twos for nothing. I've found that distracting works well.. Anything, just to stop them doing what they're doing.. Silly songs, asking questions, pointing at things in another direction etc that usually does the trick with him. If he's wafting something around like the broom he thinks it's a giant sword then we just have to coyly walk up to him and take it off him and tell him not to. If he knows you're coming for it he does it all the more. Not daft that one. Hope that helps a little, I know they're all different.

VelvetCushion · 27/03/2016 23:22

Robot girl
Thank you for pointing that bit out. Im sure people can read and dont need you to highlight it. They can all read you know. Thanks anyway

Jw35 · 27/03/2016 23:49

Immediate consequences work better than something in the distant future at this age. Natural consequences even better. Hitting you should be treated promptly and firmly as is a complete lack of respect. Be tough and consistent. It's normal to push boundaries and normal to get frustrated a lot at 2 but it does sound like you're not as in control as you want to be. Use a stern voice but use it sparingly and lots of distraction. She may be tired a lot on holiday as its so different and she's probably a bit overwhelmed. Personally I don't like time out/naughty step but it's important to do something. They definitely don't reflect on things at this age. 'Time in' would be better-take them away from situation and sit with her for a few minutes until she's calmed down then explain briefly why you've stopped her. Nothing long winded or complicated just firm

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 28/03/2016 00:16

My DC1 was very, very articulate at 22 months too - agree with Brightandearly's commets - DC2 was born when she was 24 months, and when I think back to conversations I had with my tiny 22 month old now, as the parent of a 10 year old, 8 year old and 5 year old I wonder what I was on, but she seemed so mature as an almost big sister, and really she was in some odd ways... yet she was essentially a talking, walking, bald 4 toothed baby all the same :o

My DD was a bit freaky - her language was so good and she seemed so rational, but she was a baby... she tried to persuade me, in clear, grammatically correct, sentences, to take her foetus brother out of my tummy for her to look at, 100% convinced that my assurances that it would not be possible to put him back to finish growing were incorrect...

She also talked at length about which trees in the field behind the house liked children and which didn't...

One evening, when I was 23 months pregnant and we had just moved house, I went for a shower and she appeared at the shower door distraught, telling me that Daddy had fallen off a table while mending a light on the ceiling... I was freaked out and it was plausible he had electrocuted himself, but no... her had been on the lap top ignoring her and she had been bored and made something up to get my attention...

She was clever and articulate but utterly feral at that age :o Quite a lot of people were fascinated by her (she was also picking up a second language at a rate of knotts at that point, and by 24 months she spoke her new second language better than a lot of same age locals and better than me- but she is just very good with language, she is only very averagely rational or mature or intelligent aside from the language and imagination aspects')

DD used to climb onto the windowsills or kitchen counters or top of the bookshelves when I was BFing DC2 and shout that she was naughty and I had better put her on the step... she knew what she was doing - she wanted me to put DC2 down and put her on the naughty step; only ignoring or laughing at her worked.

On the plus side, at 2.5 she was healthy and DC2, aged 6 months, and I had a vomiting bug, and she made all 3 of us a round of jam sandwiches and brought us plastic beakers of water throughout a day at home quite confidently and competently and knew to behave and watch cbeebies and take herself to the toilet and bring me nappies for DC2 and be helpful all day because we needed that. Lots of 4 year olds wouldn't do that.

She is perfectly normal and average and logical and rational but unremarkable at nearly 11

Your DD is her own normal and will be fne, as will you. She is probably not as clever as her language is making you think though ;) ''It will all come out in the wash.

Original poster

LimesMum · 28/03/2016 14:02

Thanks so much everyone

She was also up overnight complaining of sore teeth so I'm wondering if that's made matters worse

Some of the scenarios sound very familiar indeed!!

Don't worry about the slapping legs comment I totally get that too!!!!

I will try all of the above tips!!

OP posts:

BasinHaircut · 28/03/2016 14:26

schwabi that could be a description of my DS! I often refer to him as feral

limes it could be absolutely anything, the rules change so often as they are developing. DS has just gone from not napping in the day anymore, to needing a 3 hour nap again! And he is hideous without it! This has coincided with him suddenly outgrowing all of his trousers and the need to sleep in the bed with me rather than his own one, so there is something developmental going on. We are just trying to ride it out.

popperdoodles · 28/03/2016 14:49

Just wanted to add that just because she is bright and has good language doesn't mean she will have the emotional understanding to go along with it. She may appear to understand consequences but only in hindsight. She is in strange surroundings with different routines which is very difficult for a 2 yr old to process. Holidays and toddlers generally don't mix from my own personal experience.

Amy214 · 28/03/2016 20:19

My daughter is the same age and used to make herself sick i found that if i made her help me clean it up and clean herself she stopped after a few days

Original poster

LimesMum · 30/03/2016 10:30

Thanks again for the more recent posts

We are back home again now and she isn't half as bad so maybe was partly the environment!? She was also an angel on our last day there which was so nice!!

She's gone to nursery today so will be interested to see how she behaves there??

They are such tricky little things!!

OP posts:

Loraline · 30/03/2016 10:42

At this age early and swift intervention was needed with ds. Sound like if it escalated on holiday, plus she wasn't sleeping, then over-tiredness and over-stimulation were factors in the bad behaviour.

Often if ds got like this we'd need to head it if with quiet activities like sitting and reading a book, probably having a snack and just chilling for a bit. Or even a nap.

MrsOs · 05/04/2016 07:36

When our ds was this age and a complete nightmare we found ignoring the behaviour worked sometimes and if he threw food we took it away. If she knows she is getting a reaction albeit bad she will do it all the more.. Try ignoring bad (unless in danger obviously) and praising good... Feel your pain.. It doesn't get easier.. Just different challenges x

corythatwas · 05/04/2016 12:36

Agree with Schwabisch about the mismatch between verbal and emotional maturity.

I remember a conversation I had with my dd around this age. For some reason I had annoyed her and she told me she didn't love me and didn't want me for a mummy any more.

I did the correct "well, that doesn't matter because I am your mummy and I will always love you".

dd: Not when I'm grown up.

me (in my most perfect parenting voice): Yes, even when you're grown up. You may go and live in your own house when you are grown-up, but I will always be your mummy and I will always love you.

dd (triumphantly): No. You'll be dead then!

me (between gritted teeth): Don't you bank on it, my dear, don't you bank on it.

The HV to whom I told this story was rather worried in case I took it seriously and felt hurt and upset, and explained that dd did not have the emotional maturity to understand the concept of mummy being dead.

Should add that dd is now 19 and I feel perfectly ok, no intention of dropping off the twig. She just has to live with it.

Chloecallum16 · 18/03/2019 23:33

Hi my 2 and half year old has been waking from night sleeping crying 😭 and scratching his bum it been happening past 2 nights im suspecting its worms . Does anyone have any suggestions to get rid of them and to help the itch ?

dreamyflower · 21/03/2019 19:38

I find 'time out' works. My ds is almost 2 and I do 1 min time out where he is removed from the situation. He understands time out and if I say 'no' and he persists, I say 'time out' and he stops. It's rare that I actually have to put him in time out. It stopped him biting a while ago.

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