Phone call from school. DD pushed another child into the road yesterday

[coffeeisnectar]

I've just had a call from school to say my 10 year old pushed another child into the road in front of a car yesterday. I don't think she would intentionally push the child into the path of an oncoming car (I realise I'm contradicting what happened) but rather she pushed him away and into the road. The road itself is full of slow moving traffic every day at school leaving time.

DD is being assessed for ASD. She has behavioural problems which we are working on. However, the child she pushed has admitted that he was winding her up all the way down the road and she snapped. Both have been told off at school. Him for continually picking on DD (there has been issues with this child since they both started in September and he just will not leave her alone) and DD for endangering his safety by pushing him into the road.

I'm waiting for an appointment with paediatrics for an assessment. She has been seen by CAMHS three times and discharged three times as having no needs which can be met by them. All three times she was referred to paediatrics for showing traits of ASD and she has STILL not been seen by them. I have seen the school paediatric team who agree she shows traits of ASD.

DD doesn't deal with direct confrontation in any form. Whether from another child or from me or her family. I have to deal with her completely differently to my older child and all the techniques have been learned through trial and error. I've been waiting to go on a parenting course for 5 months now to find other ways of coping and dealing with her issues.

Does anyone have any suggestions on where to go from here? I'm so stressed and every time I think we are getting somewhere with her and reaching a plateau at least, I get knocked back and feel we are back to square one.

She can be so lovely and funny but if she's 'on one' then everyone just wants to avoid her. She's hard work, she's aggressive, she screams and shouts, she refuses to do things. Some mornings it can take an hour just to persuade her to get dressed. And if her trousers aren't ironed right they 'feel funny' and she won't wear them.

Sorry, this has turned into a very long post but I'm really at a loss now. I've been fighting for help with her since she was four. Six bloody long years of being told 'it's a phase'.

That's a really tough situation. I'm sorry, I don't have a massive amount of useful advice beyond any of the obvious - like linking to www.autism.org.uk/ which I'm sure you've already visited.

Maybe ask HQ to repost this in SN Chat? Might get more traffic? Good luck.

The Explosive Child is a book that gets recommended here a lot - it does have a lot of useful ideas in it for those kids who aren't quite diagnosable with ASD but are harder to parent for similar reasons.

Could the GP try to escalate the ASD assessment? I'm 8 months into a two year wait for one for ds, as they have at least accepted the referral this time...

Kids do stupid things & nobody got hurt. Try not to fret.

In short run I'd be asking school what more can they do to keep the children apart, for both their benefit.
I guess this is yr5 not yr6?

Thanks so much for the replies. I've looked at the Autism link but feel a bit lost on there, I will have another look though. I shall have a look at that book definitely and download it onto my kindle. I've been fighting to get a referral for nearly 4 years in this area despite a long detailed report being sent from my previous area. The GP just kept telling me it was a parenting issue. He's barely seen my DD, she's incredibly healthy and has only seen a GP once in her life apart from the usual jabs and development checks.

I have spoken to my DD's teacher and the SENCO about the issues DD has had with this boy and a couple of others (yes, they are year 5) and unfortunately this is still going on. I was talking to one of my friends and was overheard by the mother of another girl in DD's class when I was talking about referrals and her anger issues. The next day this girl started calling DD Miss Anger Issues - quite clearly straight from her mothers mouth (and yes I have informed the SENCO and teacher) and now it's escalated to other children, mainly boys who taunt her continually. She has her boots stamped on so they come home looking dreadful (and that upsets her, she's a very NEAT child!) and this boy apparently kept pushing her into bushes walking down yesterday and asking her if she'd taken her anger pills. She finally had enough and just shoved him in the road (as much as I know that's dangerous and I don't condone it, I really do understand why she did it).

It was a member of the public who rang, I'm not sure how they got DD's name so can only guess that the boy told the person who was in the car.

I've talked to DD very briefly tonight, she's quite stressed for a few reasons, so will pick a better time to have a more indepth chat.

Has anyone mentioned Pathelogical Demand Avoidance as a possible diagnosis? It shares quite a few traits with ASD but differs in specific ways - quite a bit of how you describe your DD fits PDA.

It's not hugely well known about yet but it is slowly gaining recognition.

Useful info here

I'm sorry you're having such a fight to get support, hopefully the school will be able to sort it effectively so your DD can feel safer and less stressed.

Path o logical - why does an iPad always think it knows best?

Can understand why your dd did it as well. Maybe the boy will think twice about being nasty next time.

But the parents of other dc in the class should not have spread rumours like that about your dd either - that's just shit. Can you ask the teacher to have a circle time with the class about kindness and values?

Hugs. I think your dd's symptoms sound like PD as well. Hope you get a referral soon.

I watched a programme once about children with issues being diagnosed and I thought PDA seemed very similar to DD's traits.

However, she has sensory issues (can't abide labels, clothes can't be tight, need to be soft etc), can't have wet food near dry food.

She knows where everything is in her room, which is immaculate. Literally everything lined up, in it's place. She knows if anything has been moved.

She gets anxious, needs to know in advance about things we are doing. EG we are going away on Tuesday next week for three days (oldest has a uni interview 5 hours away so two overnights) and she's stressing about it already, needs to know where we are staying, what the room is going to be like and wants to know if there is a swimming pool nearby.

She comes home from school and either has a melt down or starts stimming. ie will go in the other room and make repetitive noises, while running a skateboard back and forward, or will spin on a chair upside down. She does this until dinner and then starts to calm down a bit but even then, cannot sit still, just up and down, climbing over furniture, rabbiting endlessly. She went to bed an hour ago and has been down three times already, asking about next week, whats the weather going to be like tomorrow, and when will she get her easter eggs (sunday, like I've told her about 40 million times in the last week :o)