3 year old dd's behaviour has plummeted - HELP!

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That's it really - she is a total Jekyll and Hyde - sweet as anything until I ask her to do something, and then it's full-blown tantrums until SOMETHING (and I don't know what) snaps her out of it, at which point she will co-operate. But everything takes SO long - this morning getting her dressed took an hour, 45 mins of which were spent screaming. Picking ds1 up from school she screamed all the way up to the school saying 'I can't walk properly',lying down in puddles, going all floppy, cried half way back (after lots of strange looks from parents!), then suddenly decided to be good.

I don't understand her - I don't know what to do for the best psychologically. Most of the time she is a delight, but I feel this behaviour has got to be sorted out now. Atm I'm trying to ignore it, so in the evening, when she won't brush her teeth, I just shut the door on her, and ask her every 2-3 mins if she's ready to be good, then eventually she does, but in the mornings there just isn't time for all that!

Thanks!

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Yes, refusal to answer questions, if I say 'do you want your stories tonight' it's 'No no no'. Totally unable to reason with her!

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She's lovely most of the time Pruni! Love chatting to her, but she does seem to be possessed by a part time demon!

Hi, I am going through this too with DD (3).

We have just had a new DS (3wks), but her behaviour towards him is impecable - she is a fab big sister.

It's at all other times she;s a monster, like dropping something and refusing to pick it up when asked - and we do ask nicely etc.
We've tried the threat of removing treats, privellidges, toys etc. But it;s not fair on her when she is dealing with a new little personin the house. Most of the time we ask her to go away until she can come back and be 'nice'.

Oh, me too...

New dd aged six weeks, and dd1 aged just 3 is becoming an ace at ignoring questions, refusing requests, throwing toys on the floor for a reaction, etc.

I think some of it is normal threenagerishness, but having to share Mummy and Daddy, and me having been gone for ten days recently with baby being in hospital, are major factors. She is and tbh, I don't blame her: her Christmas and birthday were totally eclipsed by a sick baby, and life has been far from normal.

I'm thinking along the lines of addressing the worst bits of behaviour (ignoring people, for instance) by reminding her that its not ok BUT I'm not going to get heavy with consequences until life settles down a bit. If she's still doing that stuff then, thats different.

I am finding that giving her choices seems to help, eg when she's thrown a load of toys across the floor 'I want you to choose: do you want to pick those toys up, or do you want Mummy to take them away for a day?'. It helps me stay calm, and she seems to feel more in control - even if she chooses option B, we're both better off.

Any changes in your dd's life, Tortoise? Or just a normal threenager?!

Ooh Eli - our DD's are twins.

we are starting a sticker chart from today with a reward every Sunday which will depend on how good she has been all week.

Our topics are:

Picking things up
Going to the toilet
Making an effort with food
Helping Mummy, Daddy and DS

And each time she does'nt do something or is naughty, a sticker will be croassed out. We are also going with the take the toy away if it's not picked up!

Add me to the list! ds1 is driving me bonkers. All of the same things. Yesterday he started scratching his nails down his chalkboard and seemed oblivious to my request to stop. grrrr

Okay so before she had even been given a sticker she was acting up...how do you scratch out something that's not there yet!

Eventually enlisted her help in wrapping the gift for the party, in so earning her her first sticker. So now she's seen it in action fingers crossed she might get the point!

Dd hasn't had any major changes recently - ds2 is 8 months, so I think she's settled with him now. We're coming to the conclusion that she's bored - she is very bright (not bragging, but she obviously is) and I think she needs to be much more stretched than she is atm. Yesterday she was much better, because we were giving her lots of jobs to do - she hoovered the entire downstairs for us , and really got involved in putting al the xmas decorations away. So I think that's part of it with her - her brain is outstripping her age and emotions, and she's not sure how to cope with it.

That sounds really bragging, but I'm really not, just trying to get inside her head really.

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Yes, agree - boredom other major factor. Trouble is, over the holidays especially, its very hard to find the time and energy to involve dd in stretching activities...has been impossible with new baby, especially while she was sick and the family was just in survival mode.

In fact, I've quite possibly missed noticing how much dd1 has grown and how much more she is capable of over the last few weeks...food for thought, thanks TS.

Jabber and Baileys, you are both in the same boat - with new babies, I mean; any tips?!? I've found dd is a total angel when out with me on my own, and has my full attention. Have tried leaving dd2 with dh for a few hours when I can, bottle of expressed milk in hand, and gone out with dd1 - sheer joy, but doesn't last once home of course

Well after all what I said about removing privilidges DH and I can't help ourselves.

She has been treated to McDonalds for lunch today, I have just bought her the ne Felicity Wishes magazine, and subscribed to it for her, as well as a bar of choclate for after dinner.

And if that was'nt enough have bought her a 15" brand new Donald Duck from e-bay as well as Donald Duck stickers for her chart - which now has 2 stickers in the "good helping" section.

But in our defence she has been a complete little angel today. Could be something to do with the fact she has had 1-1 from DH at the party and 1-1 from me at home because DH and DS are asleep!