4 year old withholding wee

[johendy]

My almost 4 year old son had been potty trained since turning 3 and had been dry at nights for 6ish months.

He doesn't wee often during the day, maybe 3 times on a normal day with me. However lately he's taken to avoiding going, even when it's obvious that he's desperate. It turns him into a foul mooded horrible little monster - tantruming and recently hitting and biting, which is out of character.

Does anyone have any insight or ideas to help address this? I know control is an important thing for this age to experiment with, but the tantrums mean he's getting put into time out and missing out on things, so there is a very clear negative impact on him. They're often not tantrums about the toilet, I'll notice his behaviour getting worse then realise how long is been since he went to the toilet, it's as though he doesn't get any physical symptoms.

I've tried gentle encouragement, big celebrations, making a game of it, down playing it, bribing him, making it part of our daily routine.... but he just flat out refuses and says he doesn't need to, even when holding his willy jiggling up and down.

I've asked nursery and they've said his toileting there is typical of boys his age and they've not noticed anything unusual. And I don't think he has an infection, as he's not said anything and he doesn't look to be in pain on the few occasions he does go.

Help?

My DS (3 years and 9months) is doing the same thing. Went to a bday party recently and turns out it is totally normal.

The problem for us is that it has now progressed to him actually wetting himself during the day and at least 3 nights a week..... Which is enfuriating as he has been dry in the day since he was 2
1/2 yo and at night since at least 3yo. I am at the end of my tether.

My DB is a paed and suggested constipation is usually the problem. They can be poohing pretty normally but still have a load stuck up there.... Gross! So we have DS on infant movicol now but I can't see any signs of improvement. He also recommended ensuring 2l of water are drunk in the day but to have a strict ban after 5pm. Not easy when he is in childcare until 6pm!!

I've been told to wait it out and that he will grow out of it...... In the meantime I'm going back to pull ups at night and continuing to praise / bribe / reward during the day!!

Also wondering whether to go to the GP to rule out other reasons. (Utis don't always manifest with pain in kids - hence good idea to get them tested)