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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

4yo still not pooing in the loo....

10 replies

CountessDracula · 03/01/2007 15:10

I have posted about this before but am at my wits' end now...

DD had quite bad constipation for ages, finally sorted out with Movicol and she has been absolutely fine for well over a year.

However she WILL NOT poo on the loo. She sits there for ages and seems to be trying but nothing happens. I don't try and force her or get cross but I do bribe and tell her that 4yos should be pooing in the loo.

As soon as she puts a nappy on she will poo.

I have tried taking the nappies away but she just withholds and gets terrible tummy ache.

I really don't know what to do. I don't mind as such, it doesn't bother me changing nappies or anything! But it does worry me as she never ever poos other than at home in a nappy so she withholds all day at nursery, it can't be good for her.

Anyone got any ideas?

The Paed has suggested referring her to a psychologist - would that be good do you think?

argh

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icantcope · 03/01/2007 15:16

My friends dd was like this. She had a milk intolerance which caused constipation and she used to hold on for ages, because pooing was painful. It ended up that she would only poo with a pull up on, in fact I'm sure she would get up in the morning, put the pull up on and then poo.

I'm not sure how it was sorted out in the end, she was certainly a similar age to your dd though before it was sorted out. I'm sure they increased the dose of laxatives so that it was more difficult to hold on to, iykwim and put her on the toilet before the pull ups came out.

grouchyoscar · 03/01/2007 15:18

I would not panic too much. Poo refusing is a common thing. DS was over 3 before he would poo in anjything other than a nappy. The nursery said it's common as they feel they are loosing a part of themselves.

Try putting her potty next to the loo and let her use it whenever you go. It sounds grim but if she sees you doing it she might think 'oh it's ok'

and tons and tons of praise.

It does come but hell it is frustrating

All the best with it

Original poster

CountessDracula · 03/01/2007 15:20

thanks guys

I have tried her sitting next to me already

I could up the movicol

Her paed who is the most laid back man on earth said to me "nothing will make her go till she is ready, man"

I guess he is right

OP posts:

franke · 03/01/2007 15:21

I would back right off and let her do it in her nappy without comment. Don't allow it to be an issue. No bribes, no comments, no psychologists. I had this with dd (although she was just turned 3 at the time). In the end of getting my knickers in a twist over it, I decided I didn't care where she did it, just as long as she did it. The witholding and subsequent constipation was way more upsetting than the fact she wouldn't do it the toilet. Once I shut up and backed off, in her own time, she found her way to the toilet (within a matter of weeks). hth. I know how distressing and exasperating it is. By taking a step back from it and accepting that this is the way things are for the time being, you will feel more relaxed about this and dd will sense that too.

satine · 03/01/2007 15:23

I'm in just the same boat. I'm just giving the situation time.

Your paed sounds great!

Elasticwoman · 03/01/2007 15:31

Have been there Countess! Oh the memories of ds pooing in his pants. Once we watched him like a hawk and he held it in for three and a half days before one of us turned our back! (He never did it lying down and didn't wear a nappy in bed). He was never constipated, just had tremendous control. He would wait till no one was looking and go under a table, behind a sofa or in a cupboard to do it. Sometimes v embarrassing if in some one else's house! Eventually, after ignoring all sticks & carrots, he finally decided he was ready when he was well over 4. He was responding to a bribe (he wanted a bunny alarm clock) but we had offered him all sorts of things he really wanted before, so I think he just waited till he was ready. I think it's a bit early to rope in a psychologist. We laugh about it now, but at the time I thought he would never learn to use the loo for a poo.

WigWamBam · 03/01/2007 15:31

My dd was like this too, it took her 15 months to poo in the toilet after she was dry and out of nappies during the day - she was almost 4 before she cracked it. Even once she started using the toilet, she would still only use our toilet for a poo until she was almost 5. She's in Year 1 now and still won't use the school toilets for a poo.

Dd used to become hysterical to the point of screaming if we even suggested using the toilet, and she would only poo in a nappy, in one particular place (about as far away from the toilet as she could get), and at one particular time of day. If we suggested pooing in her nappy while she stood in the bathroom, the hystrionics would start again.

My advice given our experience with dd would be not to do anything at the moment - just let her become comfortable with the idea of using the toilet for a poo in her own time. As you're happy to let her have a nappy for a poo (we did too, as we thought it was better to keep things relaxed than force the issue) then I'd suggest you tell her that she can always ask for a nappy for a poo if she wants one, but when she feels ready to use the toilet, that's the proper place for poos. Do you think she would be happy to have a nappy on but go into the toilet to have her poo - so that she gets used to associating poos with toilets? Or maybe even get her sitting on the toilet with her nappy on? Dd wouldn't, but your dd might.

She may be more than ready physically, but emotional readiness can take a lot longer, and until she gets there there's no point in forcing it. We found that trying to force it only led to stress for us and for her, and the more we tried, the more she dug her heels in! We tried bribery (the chocolate stayed in the jar until it went past its sell-by date), star-charts (she enjoyed making it, but it made not a blind bit of difference) and everything else you can name - nothing worked because she simply was not ready emotionally. In the end it was nicer for all of us to do things on her terms until she felt ready to try.

grouchyoscar · 03/01/2007 15:34

The Paed is tottally right. DS was in pull ups for a year before he was continent and sometime he still has accidents when distracted. Kids do it when they feel ready and not to a timetable.

Just let her use her nappy if that's what makes her happy. She'll soon let you know when she doesn't like it stuck to her bum

Original poster

CountessDracula · 03/01/2007 15:41

Thank you all

She does her poo in teh nappy in the bathroom so she is in the right place

I will chill out about it again

OP posts:

uwila · 03/01/2007 15:52

Hi CD. I would deffo vote to not go to the psychiatrist. That might give her a complex. Or she might like it and decide never to poo in the loo so she can keeping going to the nice psychiatrist.

My DD is fine with the poo, but she pees all over everything including the skirt you sent us. I always tell her it's the "Dracula skirt". Last weekend she peed all over it front and back (she was sitting in the car no idea how she managed the ffront). But, now we call it the dracula pee skirt. Thought you might like to know we are getting good use out of little Drac's old clothes.

PS How's the job?

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