Kids and mornings and how to get them organised

[Kitkatmonster]

My 9 yo has gone to school in tears. I've come home and sobbed to myself. As usual the children have about an hour from finishing breakfast to leaving the house.

As usual they appear when I call them half dressed, with something missing or not done. Despite me shouting several time warnings upstairs and asking 'have you done your teeth?' Etc. Etc. Today I've lost it because we get in the car (later than we should leave because she had no socks on and hair not done when she appeared) and I notice her school trousers are dirty. I mean dried on glue all over both thigh areas. She tries to hide it by shuffling but I tell her I've seen and she needs to go back in and change them. I then get the inevitable 'I can't find any more...' From upstairs.

So I tell her we gave to leave now anyway. But I have then gone on and on about it all the way to school, how they both have an hour to get ready on a morning, they are not babies, they need to check their uniform the night before and if it's dirty make sure they have a clean one ready - or tell me and I'll make sure, but I can't do anything as we are leaving the bloody house! I have accused the 9 yo of being lazy and inconsiderate and cited all the examples of this she gives me daily - drops her coat on the floor when she comes home, never moves dirty dishes off the table, expects me to remember and take her school bags, swimming bags etc because she literally just puts herself in the car (half dressed and scruffy). So she's upset and by the time she's gone in still crying I'm upset too.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable expecting her to be able to do these things without a fuss. I am sure I did at her age. Her brother is slightly older and not as bad, though guilty of some of this too, he generally needs 'reminding' and then he steps up a bit. With her I feel I'm just constantly nagging and she never, ever remembers. Even getting out of the car at school this morning after all our drama leaving the house, she is sat with her lunch box, bag and instrument case right by her, but she gets out of the car and makes to walk away towards school, and I'm cross so I did say 'oh, are you expecting your slave to bring your things again?' I really don't know how to make things more streamlined especially on a morning, but I'm reaching the end of my rope with it. Every day is the same (today is extreme, but generally each day is along these lines in a morning) yet they have so much time to get ready, do I really need to stand over them at 9 & 11 yo?

Gah. End of rant.

Because she's 9 and every day is the same, I'm not expecting her to do anything she hasn't done every day for the last however many years. I call reminders about the things they regularly forget to do (teeth, put socks on) but standing over them at the ages they are I don't think should be necessary.

Maybe it shouldn't be. But it sounds as though it will be less stressful and more efficient if you do!

I genuinely don't know anymore. Mine are 9 & 7.

I put out their clean uniform the night before. They have little hooks on their wardrobe doors so can see it ready. They have school sock drawers so socks are always at hand.
I put their breakfast on the table.
I fill up their school water bottles.
I put toothpaste on their toothbrushes and sometimes do them for them.
I gave their faces a wipe
I brush and tea tree their hair so they don't get nits.
I put their shoes and coats out ready.

And yet they still dick around. Constantly. And I end up shouting.

I tried reward charts and pocket money but they said they didn't care after a couple of weeks. They've never been late for school though, and we're often there just before the doors open. I am too scared to let them be late tbh because then I'd be late for work. The one thing that does cause massive problems in the morning is one bathroom and my IBS, which though it's well managed by being gluten free I sometimes need the loo three times from when I'm up at 6:30 to when we leave at 8:20. When I'm in there the kids ignore me and run riot.

Megle - maybe if they had more ownership of the process they would take more care / be more involved / interested? It sounds like you do quite a lot for them (brushing their teeth??) and as they're 7 and 9 they could quite easily do more for themselves.

An organised morning starts the night before

Every evening when DC do homework you check and sign everything immediately and return straight to bags.

Bags hung/set by the door you leave through in the morning. Coats with bags. Shoes too. Have a designated place for them.

Lunch boxes straight into dishwasher.

When dinner is on make up lunches and water bottles and put in fridge.

When DC in bath/brushing teeth/getting changed set out jumper, t-shirt, trousers/skirt, socks and pants on hangers or folded on a a chair/desk (or tell them to and you check.)

After dinner set table with breakfast things. Bowls, cereal, spoons, cups, kinves.

Set several alarms on phone for the morning to signify end of one process and time for the next. So 8.00 alarm goes off means breakfast is over and everyone to bathroom to do teeth and wash faces/comb hair. 8.15 alarm means everyone out of bathroom and in fridge collecting lunch boxes and water bottles to put in bags. 8.20 everyone putting shoes and coats on. 8.25 everyone leaves. If theyve forgotten anything then tough shit.