GRRRRRRr

[Soulfly]

My ds is 4 and goes to school in september. I am really really fed up with him saying no in a very tetermined way, who do you deal with this? Without getting cross, how do you get them to do something you want them to do? Or if he's been naughty and i tell him to go somewhere the answer i get is 'NO'.I am sooo fed up of it its driving me mad! HELP

Any examples, specific situations? I find it best to try not to back myself into a situation where kids can say no, and also not to engage in arguments. Also 'pick your battles' - ie ignore bad behaviour and praise good (lots and lots). That really is key IMO.

Thanks aloha, i think partly yesturday he was tired from nursery. but all weekend he'd been saying it. I do usually ignore it, but it seemed to grate on me yesturday. I wanted him to tidy his room alittle cause it was so bad you couldn't even walk without tripping over something, so i didn't wanna just ignore that. However 2 hours later and he still hadn't done it. lol. So instead i made him tidy up thw toys he had got out downstaires. He is just soo stubborn. And what makes it worse is that so am i.

We have lots of problems with tidying Soulfly, and provided you are prepared to follow through and actually start wielding the bin, I found telling him that anything still on the floor in an hour's time was going out in the rubbish did the trick. He is much better now on the whole and when he does tidy spontaneously we thank him very warmly.
Agree with aloha about picking your battles and phrasing your requests carefully. I groan inwardly every time I hear myself saying "Are you going to do x, y or z NOW please" because I know I've set myself up for a no-fest. It's so easy to do

Soulfly - you have my sympathies. I have a very stubborn ds too - he's actually ds2, but that doesn't help any, as ds1 is very different, so it's all new to me. He just seems so self-contained, so sure of himself ... it's obviously a good thing that he's got high self-esteem, but in terms of behaviour discipline it's a nightmare, because all the strategies I used for ds1 just don't work He doesn't seem to need or want my approval, and is so determined and stubborn in the choices he has made.

Having said that he has made some improvements over the last year. Mainly I've tried to pick the battles, but fight them tooth and nail once I've chosen them! So now if I ask him a question like "Are you going to brush your teeth first, or put your shoes on?" He knows that "No" is not an option.

Roisin & Marina illustrate beautifully what I mean about phrasing things to try to avoid a 'no' situation. I also try to say 'No we'll brush our teeth", now we'll pick up the toys, rather than "Will you?" or "Can you?". But with tidying, I tend to do it myself really, though I say 'We have to tidy up for Alison (our cleaner!!) to help her. " and I LAVISH praise for him when he puts anything away, however badly or clumsily. I don't actually expect him to tidy up, just to show willing, I suppose. Of course, none of these things work 100% but I think they can make things better.

I always refrained from asking or giving a choice
(evil mother) just whizzed ds off whereever without any warning.
I once pushed him out the front door aged 5 in his pj's when he refused to get dressed for school.
It bloody worked!
He seems ok despite the odd harsh lifestyle reality check