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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

1 year old crying loads and clingy - HELP

22 replies

Pennies · 02/01/2007 13:00

DD2 is a strong character who knows to shout to get what she wants, so I'm used to her being demanding. She's also a real Mummy's girl and likes her cuddles.

The thing is that recently she has been crying more and more and has been wanting more and more attention from me, constantly pleading with her little arms up in the air for me to pick her up and carry her round. Today it is non stop and she screams and screams when I put her down. She will only stop if she's put down to do something she wants and she's eating fine. I've given her calopol just in case she's ill / in pain / teething but it makes no difference.

Poor DD1 doesn't get a look in when DD2 is like this and I feel really for her as she's being naughty to try and get my attention.

Anyone else LO like my DD2 or does anyone have any tips.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NadiaJ · 02/01/2007 13:42

My youngest of 8 months is exactly the same at the moment. I ended up shouting at her yesterday! She is teething but I'm not sure that is the cuase of the clingyness. It occured to me it could be the chaos of all the festivities

bandstand · 02/01/2007 13:43

perhas she is coming down with something?

NadiaJ · 02/01/2007 13:46

But she seems so pleased with herself when I pick her up that it seems so controlling. Do you think I've fallen into the spoilt baby trap?!

bandstand · 02/01/2007 13:48

ooh no, perhaps its "seperation anxiety" do you leave her?

LIZS · 02/01/2007 13:49

Separation anxiety - dd started at 5 months ....

justaphase · 02/01/2007 13:52

Oh, my ds is like this.

It is just a phase I say to myself.

It is a pita but then it is so lovely when he gives me a huge smile, says ma-mma... ma-mma and runs to me to be picked up the moment I walk into the room... and god forbid I try to take off my coat first...

blueshoes · 02/01/2007 13:55

It sounds like the holidays and festivities are making our los go loopy!

My dd 3.3 gets very cuddly and wants to be picked up when she is tired or when she was younger, teething, poorly, routine disrupted etc. But she is the clingy sort any way. Most times, I just pick her up. She is happy, I am happy.

It is probably just temporary. Haven't there been times when you needed a hug as well, and could not explain why you were feeling that way? Our los have so much to absorb and learn and so little control over their lives - they are allowed a little clinginess from time to time.

NadiaJ · 02/01/2007 13:56

I am with her all the time. When I work my husband has her or my Mum and they call her grumpy. She wails if I leave the room but settles. If she hears my voice goes mad again

Original poster

Pennies · 02/01/2007 13:56

NadiaJ - that is exactly the case here. I'm not sure if it is separation anxiety as I never leave her. The thing is I've just joined a gym that has a fantastic creche so I was planning on leaving here there for a couple of hours a week (with her sister), so I'm really worried this is going to prevent that happening.

I really really am beginning to get down about it. I can't get anyhing done and, more importantly, DD1 doesn't like it at all, even though she's too young to articulate that (2.4) but I can tell from her behaviour.

I'm torn between being totally p'd off to the nines and worried about her. I'm so worried that there is something wrong that I'm compeltely missing. Why else would she cry so much?

OP posts:

NadiaJ · 02/01/2007 13:58

I agree with you blueshoes and have just gone with it. I don't mind holding her but sometimes I can't....

Original poster

Pennies · 02/01/2007 13:58

bluehoes - the thing is I can't pick her up all the time, much as I'd love to because that stops the crying. DD1 needs me as well (notwithstanding the fact that she's heavy and I can't get a ything done when I'm holding her).

OP posts:

NadiaJ · 02/01/2007 14:00

Pennies- I so know how you feel. My eldest of 3 years telss her to stop crying tries to sit on top of us if we are haing a cuddle.

If you do think she might be ill you should take her to the GP.

blueshoes · 02/01/2007 14:00

nadia, what you describe sounds like classic separation anxiety. It is a phase, and one that your dd will grow out of faster if you go to her when she needs you.

Obviously, you can't do it when you are at work but when at home, this it the time when you have to accommodate your little shadow. She is only 8 months. Far too early to be manipulative. One day, she will be the most independent miss, but for now, she wants you.

NadiaJ · 02/01/2007 14:02

What do you think about leaving them to cry?

NadiaJ · 02/01/2007 14:04

Ok. Good advice and my instinct too but what about DD1 and everything else there is to do - can't keep it all together if i'm cuddling my baby all day

bandstand · 02/01/2007 14:04

how about settling them with somethng to do next to you?

blueshoes · 02/01/2007 14:10

Ah, I see. I have many different slings. nadia, at 8 months, I think it is still possible to lug dd around? Yes, it is difficult to get things done, even with a sling, but sadly that is life with a young baby. I have to organise my day better and cut down to just essential tasks. Not that I get much done.

If I cannot carry dd, then I will still try to do it for a short while and then park dd somewhere (will yours go into a walker? or bouncer?) somewhere in the room she can see me and rush around doing chores and entertaining her at the same time. This means taking her with me from room to room. Yes, even my toileting is done with her there.

My dd was a difficult clingy baby from the word go, separation anxiety from 5 months. So I guess I never enjoyed an easy baby only to have this phase step in. But it is nothing you are doing wrong, hth. You are doing everything you can.

NadiaJ · 02/01/2007 14:18

She will go in the walker for short periods but I hadn't thought of the carrier. Will give that a go. I try to get chores done when DD1 sleeps and so could try carrying DD2 round. Thanks.

It's amazing how different they can be. DD1 was so laid back and looking back, a much easier baby. Just sometimes worry that DD2 is like this because I am so much more stressed out this time round...

blueshoes · 02/01/2007 14:21

Can you read stories to dd1 with the baby on your lap? Direct play from a distance. Watch DVDs together, with commentary from you. Go for walks.

Mine are dd 3.3 and ds 3 months, with baby needing to be carried everywhere and rocked to stay asleep. Dd goes to nursery for a good part of the day - is this an option? When I have them together, I have to frequently explain to dd, that I have to tend to baby - yes, she cries and screams for cuddles . Then when I get the rare chance, immediately go to dd to give her cuddles even if she has given up asking for it. Give her attention when I can. It is a juggling act!

And do a lot of chores at night after both are in bed.

NadiaJ · 02/01/2007 14:28

My eldest is in nursery 3 days but that's when i work.

I find it all works better if I get out of the house. Baby cries at first in the pram but chills out and then I can spread myself more evenly.

Just not keeping it together in the house.

After bed is a problem (god I sound so negative!) as I can barely move and also having difficulties getting baby down. She cries so I rock her and sometimes it takes hours...

It's just not my instinct to leave her to cry.

NadiaJ · 02/01/2007 14:30

New to Mumsnet and just read the acronyms list. I have a DS (3 Years) and a DD (8 months!)

blueshoes · 02/01/2007 15:11

Nadja, I know what you mean about not being able to keep it together when both are in the house!

Pennies/Nadja, to avoid the older one being left out, what I am trying to do these days is arrange playdates at home for the older one, so they are happy and occupied with their friend, whilst I tend to baby. 3 is old enough for them to appreciate playdates. It may seem to be more work, but apart from toilet visits and a few snacks, 3 can be easier than 2. If you start this, you might find that the other child's parent might reciprocate on other days, giving you some time alone with baby whilst they take the older one off your hands.

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