Holiday Without Baby

[ELFarion]

Need some advice, first time on here. Thought about posting in Travel so may do that too, but interested in affect this subject will have on behavior and development.

Background Story: Was with my soul mate for a long time but at a young age. Left him at about 18 for some one more exciting and passionate. (Was very naive soon learnt my big mistake) With this new man for three years, became weak and controlled, he affected my mental health, had to see doctor, decided to have child, decided is vague as i was not myself or in a good place, new man surprised me by becoming more emotionally abusive than I had realised possible. Found new found strength after my son was born, left his father for the sake of my son and myself almost a year later after trying to make things work healthily. Coping very well, very good happy child we have a great bond have financial stability and all is great for us two.

Now: For a while my childhood sweetheart and I have been courting, when I had a child with someone else he packed up and moved to Australia. We never lost contact though. I would like to visit him in Australia. My son is 1 on 16/03. I don't know whether to take him or not. I want to, but it would be very difficult for my son. It's a long flight, (I'm in the UK) the time zone is hugely different and it's unfair for him to have to travel so much and have to adjust and then readjust when he comes home. I feel like it would do more harm than benefit for him if he were to come.

But then will it scar him if I leave him for 10 days? He would be with his grandma who he loves. (He ignores me when she's around and kicks up a fuss when she leaves, I think because she over spoils him which I don't mind) he'd also have his great nan and grandad and the dogs and the country side and loads of things to keep him occupied.

I'd love to just go for a few days or just bring him a long but because of distance a few days isn't possible and bringing him would certainly do more damage than good in my eyes.

Has anyone else left their child this long? Does anyone have any actual evidence based proof knowledge on whether leaving them for over a few days has an effect on them or not?
What do you guys think?

Thank you for any kind help :)

I have read it! You have been courting for a few months an ex boyfriend whilst still living with partner who left three weeks ago. Partner was a bad relationship choice. I am not seeing the time when you have been satisfied without a partner or boyfriend.

You'll have plenty of time for holidays without your son OP, I just personally wouldn't want to be 24 hours plus away from mine unless it was absolutely necessary . Each to their own though 😊

Mouldycheese: He was not my partner. He just refused to leave and made things very horrible for me emotionally. I didnt realise I could just threaten to call the police to get rid of him. Like I said he was very controlling. But thats behind me now
And when I say courting I mean we were always aware that we have always had love for each other and there's a possibility things might one day turn into something but I don't mean we have started a relationship or taken things to the next level or anything as such. I just wanted to put across that he could be more than a friend.

Of course not because I'm young and have had two relationships already. But I'm perfectly happy alone right now and don't intend to start a relationship for at least a few years. I'd like to sort my son and myself out first. But again thank you for your concern :)

Whatthefreak: Yes, the more I think about it the less I imagine I could even physically bring myself to leave him. Even if he were smiling and happy and I knew he would be okay I'd still think no he needs me I'm staying haha. I just thought maybe somebody might say it's fine to go and that would make me feel better which they have but I'm still not comfortable with it! Oh well!

You had a child with him so whether you call him your partner or not, you were in a relationship of some kind with him and he only moved out three weeks ago, and now you are planning a trip to Australia to visit an ex boyfriend with the hope of rekindling the relationship. To the untrained eye, it looks rushed and foolhardy. With a back history of mental health issues an abusive relationship you need to just pull back a bit. Let things develop in their own time. For the sake of your child if not yourself.

I'm really sorry but I'm not going listen to what you call you advice as I have explaind to you even though its non of your business to understand that I'm not looking for an relationship yet. And if anything were to be rekindled it would years from now. I really don't think I need to pull back any more that that but thank you for your concern. This TRIP which was the actual question for advice was to see if mothers had gone on holiday without their children. Whether I go to see a friend, ex boyfriend or have a group orgy with a coconut tree is nothing to do with anyone on this thread if they don't listen to what I have to say too. So for the last time I'm not rekindling anything yet. Years down the line if at all is plenyy of time to give it so there is no need to take a step back or calm down. I'm not hoping for anything other than a lovely sunny holiday with a bit of company. Maybe you're not used to that lifestyle but I appreciate it a lot but it certainly doesn't mean I'm rushing into anything.
Again I really appreciate the advice and that you're trying to help but I just don't think you're accepting what I'm saying and I don't want a one way conversation with a stranger on the Internet off topic. But thank you again.

I'd take him.

I must be really hard of understanding.

You can afford to buy tickets to travel to Australia.

BUT you can't afford to buy tickets for him to travel here instead?

Personally I think you need to start by being honest with yourself.

None of this is about your son.
Going to Australia - will cause him no harm. Friends have done this with children of a similar age, for weddings etc. And the children coped fine. I've done it to the West coast of the US, and other than disrupted sleep patterns etc, it was fine.
On the other hand leaving him with your mother, should be fine too. Its a pity he is at an age when he will be more attached, and will miss you more. But lots of children have to cope with similar separations at such an age, and come to no long term harm.

However having a mother who talks about going to visit her "soulmate". But of course she isn't trying to "rekindle anything".
Or rubbishes his father (and frankly talks as though your baby's father is something you have now "disposed of").
Who at the same time as saying this is just about a holiday; but also talks about how she could relocate to the other side of the world (and with the heavy implication it is not just about the adventure, but only if her and her "soulmate" rekindle what they had).

Well I'm afraid, it might do your son a good deal more help if you spent the money on some counselling and sorted out your own thoughts.

Would you even consider going to Australia if X wasn't there?
How are you going to cope when the baby's father grows up and wants to be fully involved in his life? Including disagreeing with you over some of your choices?
Will the baby's father even agree to you taking his son so far?

Good point mummy, if the baby's dad doesn't give his permission for the op to move to Australia, she's facing a lengthy, costly court battle thst she may well lose.

You said "when I had a child with someone else he packed up and moved to Australia"

Forgive me if that sounds like the 2 events are connected!

Is this trip happening now or next year? That makes a big difference in my opinion. A holiday without your son when he's nearly 2 and had a year to settle down to living without his dad is a TPTSLLY different proposition to you going now, when he's a proper baby still developing his attachments and he's already had to cope with his dad leaving 3 weeks ago

Obviously that should say "totally "

Quite a bit of contradiction going on here OP - we can't get your story straight.

Of course you deserve a break on your own, your baby will be fine with grandma I don't think it will scar him for life in fact I doubt he'll even remember when he's older. Go for it we all need a break sometimes.

I don't think your baby would be affected in any long term way at all. I have a 2 year old though and I really wouldn't want to leave him for anything like that length of time
My sister had the dc from 4pm over night last week and by 10.30 the next morning I was ready to have them back. I don't think I'd enjoy a holiday without them.