**Please help with practical advice to take feral DS out in public**

[2nervesnapartridgeinapeartree]

Have just gone through another hideous outing with DS 21 months. Went for a meal, he refused to eat, sit in a highchair or generally behave like a member of the human species. The whole thing was extremely stressful. What can I do to make it better? He wasn't tired or unwell. I took books, toy cars and he has crayons and paper. Please don't post to tell me you can take your LO out without problems. I'm looking for support and advice. TYIA.

looks like you're stuck with mcDonalds for a wee while...
It does get easier, promise!

yes at that stage I tended to prefer McDs too! or go somewhere with quick service. failing that, bribe with biscuits or chocolate

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Never had these difficulties with DD at any age. I haven't got home from an outing with him in months without wanting to open a bottle of wine. He attacks others in playgroup and will not sit in his pram - has to be double strapped with reins. Am at my wits end.

Was dinner Pruni.

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Does he behave erratically (sorry not sure if that's the right term....) at home or just when out? I'm thinking is something he's eating causing him to be a bit hyper? or maybe it's unfamiliar surroundings, toddlers of that age are very fixed in routine and what's normal for them, it may be that he's just a bit lost in a restaurant situation because it's unfamiliar to him?

erm, i could possibly tell you how i deal with my kids, well, more how i used to deal with them when they were younger, but it might be a bit different, because mine are autistic and i used very different, well, training techniques which were very physical - i dont mean hitting, no violence of ANY description, just removing, restraining etc. it was rather military (and still is as required) but its worked.

anyway, if you think it might be worth a pop, you could email me at mud24 at hotmail dot co dot uk

Thanks everyone. I know most of this is normal but as you say Pruni I don't see other parents looking like Dh and I. He charms staff with his "Tank yoo lady" when they bring his food and then of course its
all "poor sweetie aren't you hungry?"

Between times he's trying to escape the highchair and throwing food around and screaming when he can't have his own way.

I will email you twocups, thank you. I am open to all avenues at the moment. I won't be shocked I used to work with adults with learning difficulties and know the methods themselves can seem challenging but I can't remember them as it was over 10 years ago.

Total PITA to deal with, ds was much the same. You have my total sympathy.

Ds did grow out of it though, and while he is no angel at the age of 6 we can now eat out in relative peace and quiet.

I'd say plug away with him, but stick to low key, low stress child friendly places where possible. make a deal with your other half/ family members that one of you will take him for a quick trot around the block if he startes to overload.

actually that is a good idea and worked with ds too. He also was quite taken by being at pavent cafes where he could see lots of things going on.

Good idea Kami - but I live in Wales and we all know what it is most famous for? Especially this time of year.

Seriously though you are right outdoors is always our first choice but at this time of year...

Martianbishop - thanks for the hope that it will get better.... someday (did you say he was 6?)

my dd is the same. we don't go out anymore. if we get her in a high chair she will eat and then scream until she can get out, or swipe at passing customers/staff in anger. It is getting better, but my bloodpressure is going through the roof, and i can hear loads of twats saying "oh that poor little girl" etc as I won't back down so she gets louder.

to be fair he got better a bit before 6

But this last summer he did a 2.5 hour dinner in nice French resturant , which I took as a major sucess and now means he is fairly OK Most of the time anyway

How is he at home for meals, does he sit in the high chair fine etc?

Perhaps start off with short quick trips before building up to a full meal. If meal out is after trip round shops or long car journey it can all be just too much. Perhaps too many toys and distractions make eating the last thing he wants to do.

Scribble - at home he hates his highchair and can get out, straps and all and climb down from the tray which is about 3' off the ground. However he will not sit on a conventional chair either.
You may be right about the toys etc. I think sometimes he can see the fear we have in our eyes and exploits it.

If he doesn't sit for a meal at home then not much chance when out, I would perhaps concentrate on getting it sorted at home first, do you all sit together? Is it a nice family time or a bit stressed or pressurised, it can be easy to get a bit uptight about getting kids to eat all the right stuff and let them wander about with food in hand as long as they are eating, no encouragement to sit up nice then. No judgeing just know the situations we all get into.

I know what you mean but no, the situation at home is every evening we sit at the table together. TBH the only room in the house without carpet is the kitchen and dining room now become play room so we all eat all meals together in the kitchen and always have done since before he was born.
Think I probably just need to keep at it and just hope he will become more human eventually.

(i feel like I'm addressing that puppet from doodle do when I talk to you! No offence.lol)

Sorry got embroiled on another thread.
That is a good idea Kami will try to have a tea party with him and dd to see if he will stay put.