Why is my 6 year old such hard work?

[ellliebelle]

Dd2is 6, she is the middle child dd1 is 9 and easy to look after, she has her moments but on the whole she is kind considerate and well behaved as is ds1 who is 3.

Dd2 is an absolute nightmare, but I love her dearly, people tell me it's because she is the middle child. I don't believe this as she has always been difficult. As a baby she didn't sleep and wasn't content laying for periods on her play mat or in her bouncer like the other 2 were. I do feel being the middle may contribute as I do think she can be jealous and needs a lot of attention but I don't think that it's the defining factor.

She is awkward, doesn't listen, does the opposite of what is asked. She loves her siblings dearly but often hurts them, ruins their play etc.

Neither consequence or reward works. She doesn't care if she is sent to bed early/looses her pudding/is sent to the naughty step. She will say it's fine I'm tired/not hungry etc. If we use reward charts or treat days she doesn't mind if she doesn't get her sticker/treat it isn't a good enough incentive, although I don't feel anything would be.

At school she is fantastic, very intelligent kind and caring to her friends and very well behaved. With extended family she is not perfect but considerably better than she is at home. On a one to one basis with either me or dh she is loving kind helpful and caring but she has to understand that it can't be just me and her all day every day and that she needs to behave more than she does now.

Any way just wondered if anyone else out there is going through anything similar, or has been through anything in the past and come through the other side? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I know it might come across as an odd question, but did you have a traumatic birth with her?

When was the last time you did something nice with just her? Like a walk in the forest together or something?

Op, I have a very similar experience with my dd who is 4. She sounds very similar to your dd and interestingly looking back to when she was a baby, she also rarely slept, was not content on a playmat or anything like that.
Is your dd an anxious or sensitive child?

Just interested in what jilted said because I had a very long, difficult labour with dd and the cord was wrapped round her neck. She was very agitated from birth and screamed and cried an awful lot. I spoke to health visitors and my GP about this on a number of occasions and was kind of made to feel I was overreacting and this was just normal baby behaviour. As a new mum I knew no different but always felt deep down there was something not quite right.

I somehow feel that this start in life has laid the foundations for dd to be a sensitive and at times quite anxious child and feel guilty that I did not pursue my concerns further when she was a baby.

In comparison dd2 has always been a much more contented, laid back baby and now toddler (just 2 so is having mini tantrums but can generally be easily distracted/placated). My labour with Her was much quicker and calmer and the birth so much more relaxed. I wonder if there is a correlation?