Moving schools - improvement in behaviour/everything really

[FoxtrotJuliette]

Is it possible that changing schools could have changed things for the better for my ds (12)?

Three years ago we were referred to CAMHS via the school because ds was having problems in school and at home: anger issues, lashing out, disruptive behaviour, we were told. At home he was always 'on' and frequently angry. The person we saw mentioned features of ADHD but would not give a diagnosis as she felt he was just more of a handful than actually needing any further help.

Two years ago we made the decision to move across town which meant changing schools. I couldn't believe it when we got here. Every other kid is just like him: crazy ideas, endless chatter, bit of light wrestling, lots of laughing. The behaviour that was so frowned upon by the old school is not just tolerated but seen as part of healthy development. What was presented to us as disruptive behaviour (always answering questions, hand in the air, wanting to give ideas) is now celebrated and frankly many of the children in the class are the same.

He's like a different child - such a pleasure to be with and so happy. There's no anger there. Why was he prone to lashing out when he was younger, but it stopped when we moved? How can one set of teachers be constantly getting us to come in to talk about his behaviour, and another set be able to handle a class full of kids like him without any talk of CAMHS?

I think all schools vary in terms of behaviour expectations etc. The school my son attends is very strict and they discipline for low-level behaviour, which some schools wouldn't bother with, that was even said by one of the teachers. I also have a friend whose son was referred to an Educational Psychologist due to lack of attention and concentration and memory problems, the psychologist said he's a perfectly normal 9 year old boy, the teacher has actually said she doesn't agree with the psychologist and thinks he has a problem. My son is too waiting for a referral to see an educational psychologist, but my thinking is they will say the same, just like the paediatrician said when he was 4. I do think teachers cause parents extra worry when their child isn't at the same level as other children, since we are all individuals.

I agree, the worry caused was awful actually. I had not realised that this could vary so much between schools.

We are lucky in that we had a choice of schools to move to but what happens if you live in a tiny village, and you're just stuck with a bad fit? You'd bring your kid up in an environment where they are just wrong all the time. You'd be hassling them all the time for getting into trouble, constantly disciplining them.

It was getting like that for us and was totally depressing for all concerned. I can't believe what a lucky escape we had. I cried when I went to the first parents' evening at the new school and the teacher talked through all the good things about him - exactly the good things that we saw but the last school didn't.

I'd love to know what teachers think, if they see the culture of a school damaging some children. I'd also like to know where the pressure comes from. I assume that teachers behave differently in different school cultures too.

A boy moved to a school I used to work at, from a foreign international school. His school report was horrendous and we were quite worried about the disruptive behaviour we were expecting. Turns out he was delightful and spirited and fitted in a treat. Horses for courses. He was a lot happier at our school as well, as he was not constantly being berated for his bad behaviour apparently.

IguanaTail that's very similar to our situation.
Lucky kid, ending up at your school and not having to go through life being constantly done down.
I can see it's horses for courses, I just feel so angry at some of the adults involved for not being better iyswim.

This thread has interested me, ladies.
Foxtrot I am really pleased for you and your son. What a huge relief for you all.

I too, would love to know what teachers really think. Our DS was really badly let down by his first primary school. You would have thought he was going into school each day with a sawn off shotgun they way they complained. Far from it. In fact his last teacher said that he was no problem in the classroom. But he was still let down. Mainly by the SENCO and the Headmistress, who for what ever reason, didn't like him and tried for 5 years to get rid of him.

Fast forward a year and we are abroad, in an international school, with a British headmistress who has decades of experience in SEN and mainstream.
She was shocked at what we had been through. And what DS has been through. No assistant for DS here. No such thing as a SENCO. But a great teacher and experienced head who have, along with the other staff, been turning our wonderful DS around. it's taken a while, some old habits die hard, but he's getting there.
They have, effectively, been asked to clear up someone else's mess.

IMO it all comes from the Head of the school. They set the pace, if you like.
We had no choice but to attend the first primary school. All in the locality were so oversubscribed, you took what you were given. We had no idea how awful an experience it would be. I am so very glad we left.

I could go on, but I will finish here.

Citychick that's great news about your ds.
We really are at the mercy of some of those (head?) teachers. I know there are all sorts of things that go into 'making' a person who they are, but if they get hold of a tiny person at age 4 and do it wrong, or simply the fit is wrong, how are we supposed to know?! That's a large part of their social input!

retired teacher saying you are right. The teacher sets the climate in the classroom and boys especially can be given a hard time. Enjoy the great fit you have right now and realise it can change another year later.Parents shd not be disciplining cc who have already been disciplined at school. Rather stand up for your cc and reprimand the ct if necessary.