I've just thrown dd1's advent calendar in the bin...

[emsiewill]

...because she just had a massive tantrum which ended in her hitting me and pulling my hair. (She's 9, nearly 10, by the way).

I feel bad now, and dd2 (7) has written herself a note saying "give B sum choclat from advernt calindr toomorro"

Sometimes I hate being a mum

She JUST had a tantrum? No wonder, it's nearly midnight!

Well, when I saty just, I mean about 1.5 hours ago, after Strictly had finished...

Its tough, but if DD1 was told that would happen if tantrum continued, then she choose that course of action. If you say something and don't go through with it... then they learn that any threat is empty.

DD1 is lucky to have a younger sister who is so willing to share her advent calendar chocolate.

but I didn't warn her, I just told her I was going to do it after the behaviour had happened. Which is why I feel bad about it I suppose...as I say, sometimes I feel like I'm the crappest mum around.

Hmmm - yes - I agree to an extent Nannynick - but why would you choose that to be the sanction this close to Christmas?

It would be far from my choice of things to have chosen to do.

I think it sounds like over tiredness - 10.30 is still very late for a 9 and 7yo!

It has not been unusual in the past, however, she has been better recently. This most probably was due to overtiredness.

Still, at least I've had it confirmed now. I am a crap mum...

emsiewill- none of us are perfect - far from it

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it - but would think a lot about how the situation arose and how to avoid getting into the same situation again in the future.

The near-teens would test the patience of a saint I think!

We did sort of kiss and make up afterwards, but she maintains that Christmas is ruined, because since September she's been planning to open the last door on her Advent calendar on Christmas morning, and then start opening her presents "and now I won't know where to start".

Sometimes I wonder where I find the strength to carry on...

I do know how to avoid the situation really - but unfortunately we are so alike that sometimes I just don't walk away.

I know it's the way to deal with it, but then it feels like she's "getting away with it".

To be honest, as I said before, she's been a lot better recently, and I've been managing to keep calm more. Which I suppose is why I feel bad for cracking tonight.

In my defence, I left work yesterday, after 6 years in the same place, to start a new job in the new year. It's a leap into the unknown, and I'm feeling quite sad about leaving. Add that to the usual Christmas pressures, and it's more surprising we haven't had more clashes lately

Sometimes I wish she was a little less smart...she is world expert at pushing my buttons, and then making me feel guilty. And I am world expert at falling for it...

I did tell her that maybe next time she will remember this, and it might help her to control her temper.

But I couldn't in all conscience make her wait to find out the result of Strictly...anyway, I'm going to bed, so I'm not overtired tomorrow.

Thanks for the support - dh tried to help, but he had 1 eye on Match of the Day all the time, which just got me more wound up.

dont worry about it. you are not a crap mum at all. when children press the right buttons its difficult to see past the red mist.gah we all do it so dont beat yourself up about it.
Next time she starts remind yourself that she is the child and see how she is trying to work you. if you can recognise that (hahaha like I could eh?) turn it to your advantage by thinking ahead of her. if you are able to empower her without 'giving in' to her demands or your rules and desires, it might calm things down.
And yes I know the theory is marvellous isnt it?
Merry christmas

I think you have done well to just throw away her advent calender.
I would have done FAR more than that if my kids started to kick me at that age!

I have a punishment list, = things removed or activites cancelled if they carry on with the bad behaviour.
They are fully aware that i would go so far as to leave them with noting but a matress and a blanket in their bedroom!!!

Your not a bad mother, you are on the right track!, carry on I say. Dont put up with this sort of behaviour. You wouldnt accept being hit from any one else would you? Why is it OK from your child?

Well all is calm here today. I think I did wrong in "removing" the advent calendar without any warning first, and that is why I felt so bad about it. However, I don't think choosing to use the advent calendar as punishment would have been wrong if I had warned her. I certainly have no problem with that...