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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Am so shocked and stunned by Dd1's behavior that I am just sat here speechless

19 replies

nutcracker · 22/12/2006 20:22

Had a huge almighty bust up with Dd1 (9 going on 19).

All started over a dvd and straight away she was acting like a 2 yr old and saying NO to every single thing I said. I told her to go to her room, she wouldn't just stood there screaming and shouting at me and her siblings.

I served up tea and told her she could sit at the table once she had a pologised which she did after about 20 minutes. Then she screamed and moaned all through that, she didn't like what she'd got, her food was cold etc etc. In the end I stood up, picked it up and tipped it in the bin.

Had to virtually physically lift her to get her to go in the bath and she just kept telling me to shut up and go away and then she got out of the bath, went to her room and got the pressies that my mum had given her to give to me and threw them at me, telling me she didn't want to give them to me on xmas day because I am nasty and horrible.

Anyway, she is in bed now, DS confiscated, MP3 player confiscated and tv removed.
Have given her the presents back and told her to give them back to my mum if she didn't want me to have them.

I am utterly drained now, and tbh couldn't give a flying f**k if she ever speaks to me again.

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EniDeepMidwinter · 22/12/2006 20:23

sounds very upsetting

does she often behave like this?

I bet she feels shite about the presents though. dd1 (7) can be a bit like this when she is really really tired?

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 22/12/2006 20:24

You have my sympathy. DS1 (nearly 8) has times like that.

whenevilgotstuckupthechimney · 22/12/2006 20:26

nutcracker. so difficult i know. sympathy

Original poster

nutcracker · 22/12/2006 20:27

Normally she is pretty well behaved but when she blows up she really goes for it, always has.

Her brother and sister are badly behaved more often but on a smaller scale.

Think this is worse.

I am gutted tbh, was so looking forward to xmas day, and I knew my mum had been secretly giving them presents to stash and I knew they would love me thinking it was all a surprise. Now she's ruined it, told me what the presents are off her sister and brother too and so they are also gutted, although I have told them I have already forgotten what she said.

She just seems to not be able to back down once she starts something and it goes on and on.

OP posts:

SherlockLGJ · 22/12/2006 20:28

Nutty

YOu handled it very well.

Original poster

nutcracker · 22/12/2006 20:31

Oh god i don't feel like I did at all, but thanks LGJ

We have always had a very difficult relationship as she is very stubborn and I suppose I am too, plus she just always seems to know how to piss me off just at the right moment.

Stupidly after I sent her to bed, i sat outside her door to see wether she would suddenly get upset, as I know I was struggling to not brust into tears, but no no sound at all, must have gone straight to sleep.

OP posts:

Troutpout · 22/12/2006 20:36

Oooh doesn't it make your blood boil when they just go to sleep or forget about it instantly
Go prod her Nutty
Sympathies...ds rarely blows up...but when he does he does it like this...it's all or nothing

Original poster

nutcracker · 22/12/2006 20:38

Am pretty sure she will get up tommroow as if nothing happened, hope so anyway as don't want a repeat performance.

OP posts:

idontlikecrusts · 22/12/2006 20:40

Maybe you could go and tell her you didn't notice the presents or are choosing not to have and that you would love still to have the surprise? Then, offer a hug if she wants one and ask her what is troubling her?

whenevilgotstuckupthechimney · 22/12/2006 20:42

bet she does feel bad, even if she doesn't let you know that nutcracker. hope you are friends in the morning

Original poster

nutcracker · 22/12/2006 20:44

She's asleep, just been up to check.

She is generally very hard to talk to, I ask her whats wrong and she gets all defensive and says nothing, leave me alone etc etc, and then 10 minutes later she'll cry over something silly like not being able to find something.

We don't communicate with each other very well tbh, although I always make sure that she knows she can tell me anything and i'll always listen to her, but she chooses not to normally and then blows up like this.

OP posts:

Lilliput · 22/12/2006 20:53

I know my daughter is like a tightly coiled spring at the moment and it's because of xmas. She has been naughty and rude to me today and I think she is tired because of the excitment of xmas and she is also bored of waiting for the big day. Although my dd is much younger do you think she might have behaved like that for the same reasons?

idontlikecrusts · 22/12/2006 20:54

It sounds like that too nutracker. Poor you and her. Maybe you could think of some less conventional ways to get her to open up.

I know when I am feeling I've backed myself into a corner over something just being offered the opportunity to talk calmly doesn't always work.

For me a hug works or a gentle joke which puts me back on the same level as the other person.

I'm not saying ignore her behaviour but she needs to feel she can make a good decision herself about her actions without losing face. Also the apology has to come because she recognises its purpose and wants to put things right herself.

Could you give her less destructive options for when she feels like this? She is too old now to just comply even when she is wrong - she needs to be able to disagree and be a cow-bag if she wants but with RESPECT!

bosscat · 22/12/2006 21:02

god hats off, handled so well. you kept your cool and in control. well done! she'll feel terrible tomorrow. try and forget what the presents were. I know what all mine are as I told everyone what to buy

mrssnoah · 22/12/2006 21:03

Ho ho ho! Welcome to my world I have one that just turned ten, lovely isnt it.

In brief, I think you did fine. Dont take it to heart.

If she is anything like my lot they are absolutely knackered from the longest school term of the year, excited for xmas and hormones flying allover the shop.
And the fact she went straight to sleep tells you just how worn out she truly is. Had she more energy she would have sat up and howled and made a fuss etc I bet.

I am SURE she didnt mean those things she said, she will be quieter in the morning and sorry (but wont tell you she is)!

It will be all forgotten by Christmas Eve. (((Sending you mothers of DDs hugs))) x

charliecat · 22/12/2006 21:08

Ah...must be in the air. My 9 year old said she hated me today, me and the rest of the world, but especially me and dd2. I said "really?" She said Yes and I had to hld back a tear that was threatning to prickle...
This will the first of many I Hate You days I should imagine.
Nutty, you handled it ever so well....I said If she hated us all so much why wasnt she looking to move out and was she just sticking around for the Xmas pressies

Original poster

nutcracker · 22/12/2006 21:18

Thanks guys, I know alot of it is her age, she's tired and excited etc etc and so I will take all of what she said with a huge pinch of salt.

Anyhow, being the soppy sod that I am , have just printed this out (changed friend for mum) and put it on the end of her bed.

OP posts:

mrssnoah · 22/12/2006 22:52

That's really sweet poem but I suspect that she will wake feeling bloomin guilty enough as it is in the morning, and face you sheepishly.
I think that poem would be almost rewarding that bad behaviour.

Why not wait to see if she apologises to you first , or failing that, hold onto it and give it to her when she feels sad or is being nice next.

Just a thought?

idontlikecrusts · 22/12/2006 23:12

actually it could invoke guilt all round that poem...

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