How do you deal with/cope with TANTRUMS

[Nutcracker]

I'd be really interested to know how you all deal with your kids tantrums.

I have 3 kids, Dd1 is 6 and pretty much o.k, only rarely has a tantrum and even then she usually stops quickly.
Dd2 and Ds are another story. Dd2 (4) has terrible tantrums and this has started to rub off on Ds (18mths).

I am now getting rahter worried about how i am going to deal with them both when Ds is abit older.

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Hi Nutty
I agree with Twiglett (Hi Twiglett) that shutting down the TV is a powerful techinuque. Don't know how the Amish cope though. My DS1 doesn't have major ones, yet, but sometimes knowing when to calm them down with a hug and resassurance because they have got their knickers in a twist and genuinley can't get back on an even keel is useful too, although easier said than done when they are driving you mental.
I also think isolating yourself, like wakling out of the room and having a glass of water or counting to 100 or whatever, helps them realise they don't have an audience anylonger and helps you get less wound up about it.
HTH

Thanks guys. When we move, i will definatly try the sitting on the bottom step thingy. My dad has made them do that before and it has worked.

Do you mean turn the t.v off at the wall ???
If i do that it will knock the clock out on the video.

Meant to ask too, how you deal with a tantrum in public ?????

Just the switch on the set does the job for my boy.
And tantrums when you are out, well my major problem with that is other people staring or offering pointed/unhelpful comments. So I take him in to a corner or turn away from a crowd and speak quietly through gritted teeth and offer bribes. Hardly ever happens though, Thank the Lord.

Did have an old bat walk past me and the baby who was yowling because he was knakcered today, and the old bat tutted at us and said 'There's one who's not happy'. I was very tempted to deck her.

LOL Suzy.
If i turn the t.v off he turns it straight back on.
Dd is a nightmare in public to be honest. My usual tactic is to distract her from what she's screaming about, but thats not really working anymore either.

Avoidance is good. If they're asking for something in the supermarket, you don't want them to have, don't actually say no, just say nothing. The worst that usually happens is they keep pestering till your outside, and then its too late! How cruel am I!

Hi Nutcracker. I'd say:

1. Distraction - 'LOOK! There's a plane!" - especially good if you're in public and want to avoid it escalating
2. Bribery, also good if you're out (ha ha at your gritted teeth suzywong, I remember that!)
3. Ignoring, definitely, especially if you're at home. Although I have stood and let ds kick and scream on the floor in the street as passers-by tutted too. Sod 'em!
4. Never ever letting them get their own way as a result of a tantrum - they'll see it works and is a useful technique for getting what they want. Trying aren't they?

www, on your last point, on the whole I totally agree with everything you said, but there are exceptions IMO. Yesterday ds was falling asleep in his high chair while eating his lunch, so I lifted him out and took him upstairs and he got incredibly upset, wriggling, kicking, crying and shouting that he wanted to go downstairs - which is very unlike him. I carried on trying to put him in his cot while he cried and said No, No, I want to go in my highchair. So I did take him downstairs, put him back, he finished his tomatoes and cheese (which is what he wanted), drank a little juice and then went back upstairs like a lamb. It can be hard I think to distinguish between a strongly expressed (!) desire for something reasonable (ie finishing his lunch) and the beginning of a tantrum. I know if I'd refused to let him out of his cot it might have got upsetting, but 'giving in' in this case meant we were both happy.

I agree aloha, it's best to differentiate between a genuine and reasonable strongly expressed desire for something (as in your example) and a tantrum. My son says "I know, I know, bad behaviour never gets me what I want" and he does know it. Doesn't stop it always though and I wouldn't expect it to, he's only 6! I suppose I mean if you say no to sweets/ice cream/Coke etc then a tantrum shouldn't make you back down. I probably have at times though, just because I can't face the fight.

The last bit of this thread is really interesting to me right now. Dd is 19 months and so far hasn't had a tantrum but she is starting to get more adamant about what she wants / doesn't want and I've always wondered where to draw the line between me being firm and consistent and me being lenient to her expressing a real desire for something.

How CAN you tell the difference?