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5 year old tantrums!

9 replies

Harkthefubsyangelssing · 20/12/2006 21:07

DD had a friend from school over to play today. After about an hour playing in her room, I heard her screaming at her friend. She said it was because friend didnt want to do what she wanted to do, and seconds later it blew up again. Normally i would let kids sort themselves out as much as possible, but I couldnt let this go on so i separated them for a while. DD got really angry with me, and kept crying. Eventually things calmed down and they played together again, but I felt the day had been spoilt badly.

Now Im worried about letting her go to other peoples houses - she doesnt get asked all that often and im worried this is why, but parents dont like to say so. She has always had a temper, with violent tantrums when she was 2 - 3, but she just does not seem to notice that nobody else behaves like this. She certainly has no sense of embarrassment - she was karate chopping another childs arm at the christingle service last week, and did not seem to think there was any reason to stop.

The sad thing is that she often says she is lonely because she doesnt have a brother or sister (cue big guilt trip)so I want her to have friends. But no matter how hard we try she doesnt seem to understand that some behaviours are unacceptable. When she was little I was always asking the HV about her tantrums, but she just said it was normal.

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mamalocco · 20/12/2006 21:28

My dd1 - now 7 can have some spectacular tantrums, not recently, thank god, but has always been abit on the sensitive side and small things can set her off. However, I noticed that it's only usually when she's with me or dh. At school she is a model pupil and the teacher looked aghast when I asked her if she ever has a hissy fit there. Perhaps speak to her teacher. Children's social skills develop at different times - her teacher might be able to give some perspective.

Do you have any friends with similar age children she could play with, you might get an honest appraisal from your friend rather than a parent of a school friend. But tbh, unless the rest of her class are extremely sociable, I wouldn't worry about lack of playdates. My ds (5) is too wasted after school to go to or have friends over.

Elasticwoman · 20/12/2006 21:51

My six year old loses it sometimes at home but I don't know whether he does it with friends or at school. You're right to deal with it as you did, when it happens, but I don't think it's anything to worry about. Children are not going to behave perfectly as we'd like them to all the time. They test the boundaries and they need reinforcement of what's expected. Did you have a chat with dd afterwards, when she was calm and the other child had gone home? I think it's very useful to talk about how to deal with a situation that might happen again, how shouting doesn't achieve anything etc etc. Role play can be useful - you play dd, she plays the other child.

Harkthefubsyangelssing · 20/12/2006 22:02

I know she can lose it at school - I saw her fighting a boy in her class the other day when i was helping set up for the school disco. Trouble is she goes to a really small village school where everybody knows everyone. We're relatively new to the village, but she was born here so has known most of the kids in her class since playgroup. She does have another good friend who goes to another school, his mum is a good friend of mine, we met at our HVs postnatal group. DD and this friend are like an old husband and wife; when she goes ballistic he just rolls his eyes and leaves her alone. But when the two of thenm are out for a walk in the country, he will alays look after her.

We did talk about this incident afterwards, but Im not sure how much has sunk in. I think she is very tired, and totally hyped up about christmas, so perhaps it was a mistake to have a friend round. But I didnt want her just lounging around in front of the tv while I tidied up.

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Elasticwoman · 21/12/2006 12:47

She probably is tired, but don't blame yourself for her tantrum. You've noticed the tendency and you're doing something about it - that's good parenting in my book! I know not all children have tantrums but many do, and the ones that don't, probably have other faults. You can help her learn to control her temper. If you try too hard to avoid possible tantrum situations, she may end up never going anywhere or seeing any one.

Harkthefubsyangelssing · 22/12/2006 21:34

Thanks for your messages, its nice to get something positive. it doesnt help that DP was knocked off his bike on Tues and is either moping around or on the phone to the insurance co. He cant get it into his head at the moment that 5 year olds are lively and noisy!

DD went to another friends house yesterday, and had a great time. Interestingly this is a friend whose behaviour drives her parents to distraction. i think they are so similar that their behaviour somehow cancels itself out.

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sunnysideup · 22/12/2006 21:43

I'd say don't worry, she sounds absolutely normal and fine...all kids of this age are absolutely axhausted at the moment, with the long school term they've just done and the sheer excitement of waiting for christmas.

And all kids have meltdowns like this...ALL of them....actually I think 2 five year olds playing for an HOUR in her room is pretty good, I think many would have had a meltdown before an hour had elapsed!

oh, and don't take the proferred guilt trip about a brother or sister....99% of the time she would HATE having one, and she is much happier getting loads of parental time and attention, I'd bet my bottom dollar....relax about it!

ChristmasisComing · 22/12/2006 22:09

She sounds just like my dd (5 too) - she has always been volatile, altho has been improving a little recently.

At the moment she is a dreadful combination of very tired, extremely excited and incredibly emotional caused by the long school term, Christmas and the fact that her best friend has just left the school so won't be there when she goes back next term.

She dissolves into tears for no reason, has dreadful tantrums, is completley unreasonable .....

I worry too, what she is like elsewhere, but her school report was amazing and she always seems to have lots of friends, so I think it is reserved for home - she seems to know the boundaries, but is so careful about keeping them at school it spills over into home when she gets too tired to control herself.

I understand about the tv but TBH I have let mine veg the last few days - they need to! I am sure she will be fine if you can manage to give her a little leeway, but keep the boundaries set if possible

Good luck!

mysonsmummy · 22/12/2006 22:23

''But I didnt want her just lounging around in front of the tv while I tidied up''.

why not - i cant think of anything better for a five year old whose absolutely knackered from starting school, excited over christmas etc. of course its not great 7 days a week but its how they recharge their batteries IMO

Harkthefubsyangelssing · 24/12/2006 12:42

Thanks - Im going for the tv veg now, at least theres plenty of films on to keep her interested, better than non stop Balamory or the same dvd on a loop!

Sunnysideup - I know what you mean about sibs - I spent half my childhood wishing I was an only child, and I bet Im not the only one!

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