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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I just told Ds1 that it isn't Father Christmas that brings his stocking...

20 replies

Saker · 20/12/2006 20:43

Ds1 (7) has asked me several times in the last couple of weeks if Father Christmas really exists or whether it might just be me and Dh who put his presents there. I have given fairly vague answers up until now trying to ascertain what he really thought, if he'd worked it out himself or from school and whether he really wanted to know. Tonight he was really persistent and looked ready to burst into tears. When I asked him why he was upset he told me he hated not understanding things and he just wanted to know even it the answer was that there was no Santa. So I told him that it was us but that it didn't mean that it still wasn't special and also that we should still say it was Father Christmas for Ds2's sake (in fact Ds2 has special needs and probably wouldn't work it out anyway, but I thought it gave Ds1 an excuse to carry on with it all). But now he has gone to bed looking sad and saying that he is glad he knows but he wishes that the answer had been that Father Christmas does exist and I feel worried that I have spoiled Christmas for him. Do you think I have done the wrong thing?

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poinsettydog · 20/12/2006 20:47

I'd tell him that he can choose to believe in Santa if he wants to and that some people do that. That made my dd feel happier about Tooth Fairy Truth. She said she chose to believe.

Harkthefubsyangelssing · 20/12/2006 20:51

Saker, that must have been really hard for you. Your son sounds so sweet, but he obviously needed to know. I like Pointy's idea, I will be storing that one up for my dd.

LadyTophamHatt · 20/12/2006 20:52

we told ds1 the truth this year. He's 7 too.

He's still compiling lists for santa even though he asked me the other day if all the bags on top of the wardrobe were presents for him and ds2+3.

We decided to tell him so that he could enjoy the moment on xmas morning whne we all sneek downstairs to see if santa has been.
We did want him to find out at school and blab to ds2 so telling him and letting him in on the whole secret was the best thing IMO>

BlueDaisy · 20/12/2006 20:56

I think its very hard if they ask you outright - does FC put them there or do you?

I think to keep the Santa thing up at that point is basically lying to an obviously very bright child.

So yes you did the right thing imo. But am not looking forward to that moment with my dd (tyhink we ahve one more Xmas before she twigs)

He'll be fine

Skribble · 20/12/2006 20:56

MY DS is 10 and I don't know what he believes, I don't want to have the discussion in case he trully is blisfully ignorant to the whole thing. He is usually very scientific and logical but he has a great imagination too so I will keep quiet until he asks.

Original poster

Saker · 20/12/2006 21:01

Yes I think that's a good idea Poinsettydog - if he comes back to it I might suggest that. And I made it clear to him that knowing wouldn't mean he wouldn't get presents. Bless him, although he thought we were the likely culprits he had come up with some other alternatives like a team of Santas working different parts of the world to enable the job to get done . I'm glad you don't all think I've done a terrible thing. It's so hard to find out what he really wants without making it obvious anyway.

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beegeeWithBellsOn · 20/12/2006 21:22

Awww - that is so sweet, Shaker.

My ds is 3 and we're indulging in all of his blissful fantasy world. Can't imagine how we'll break it to him in future - I'd prefer to tell him rather than him finding out through school or something..

hugeheadofangelhair · 20/12/2006 21:41

No of course you haven't done a terrible thing. You have told the truth he asked for. When my DSs ask me if something is real I tell them the truth, but always emphasize that it is still a great story that we can enjoy. And in practice I think he chooses to believe, even if we haven't used those words.

He knows for example that I am the toothfairy, but when a tooth comes out he still wants the toothfairy to come, not me. When I forgot to change the tooth for a coin, he said that the toothfairy had forgotten, but when the next day, after he found a 50p coin under his pillow instead of the pound coin he expected, he told me that I (not the toothfairy) had got it wrong!! He just believes when it's convenient .

Original poster

Saker · 20/12/2006 22:16

that sounds like my Ds1. He's very interested in that Nigel Marven thing Prehistoric Park atm where he goes back in time and brings dinosaurs etc back. We have great long discussions about how brave he is, the best strategy for escaping from a tyrannosaurus etc etc and then I make some comment about how I wouldn't dare do it and he says "It's not real you know Mummy, people can't really travel in time" . I think the border between real and fantasy is still quite hazy at this age.

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krimbokrackerskayzed · 21/12/2006 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittyschristmascrackers · 21/12/2006 21:27

My 8 year old ds has also been asking me. I have told him that santa brings presents to those who believe. He asked me if I believed and I said that I did. To which he asked why santa didn't bring me any!! I said I was too old

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 21/12/2006 21:31

Here lies the reason I don't tell my kids about FC. We still believe in magic and angels because I'm religious, but I don't want to lie to them. I remember how heartbroken I was when I found out.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 21/12/2006 21:33

Not that I'm dissing anyone who does tell their kids about FC! Whatever floats your ice-cream!

nearlythree · 21/12/2006 21:52

Don't forget St. Nicholas (aka Sants Claus) was 'real', in the sense he is an identifiable person. How many of the legends associated with him are true is a point for debate, but he was certainly known for his kindness. So when we encourage our dcs to believe in SC we are remembering a kind man from long ago.

My mum did the 'you believe for as long as you want to' thing with me - think I lasted another couple of years. Then one year in the summer I remember telling my mum I knew it wasn't true, so she said that next Christmas I could stay up with the adults and open my presents at midnight like they did. (bit of a family tradition, usually ending in the early hours!) I found having something special to look forward to instead of SC a great help.

krimbokrackerskayzed · 21/12/2006 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scatterbrain · 21/12/2006 22:22

My dd (6) has been asking about it all this year - really sensible questions - like "Was that the real FC at trhe garden centre ? Coz I thought he'd be too busy packing all the pressents !" - so I told her that he has lots of helpers who dress up as him so that all the little chldren can go and see him locally !!!

And - how can FC get all round the world in one night ? Good question !!

And - does Fc shop at Tesco as he wrapped all my presents in Tesco paper last year ?

And - how come Mummy ahs the same paper as FC ??

I kind of skirted round it and said that obviously it would be too much work for FC to get all the presenst - so mummy and daddy get most of them for you - but we send them to FC and he delivers them on Xmas Eve - Oh and he does your stocking for you !!!

Not sure if she does believe - but if there are pressies in it I sspect she will pretend for a good while longer ! I'm sure I was 10 before I really admitted that I KNEW !!!

Original poster

Saker · 22/12/2006 15:59

I had already told Ds1 that the FC's in stores etc aren't real -he spotted the elastic on one's beard at a very early age . I'm not sure about the Santa won't bring you any presents if you don't believe approach - it seems like you are making the child pretend they still believe for fear of not getting presents. We will still do stockings whether he believes or not.

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tortoiseshell · 22/12/2006 16:10

We've never had the 'Father Christmas is real' thing, but ds1 this year (at 5) wanted to know why there were Father Christmases everywhere, so we told him about St Nicholas, and said that people like to remember him by dressing up as Father Christmas/Santa Claus. He is perfectly happy with it as a legend, and he in fact likes to 'be' Santa - he dresses up and delivers presents to everyone - he's done this for the last 2 years, and fully intends to do it again this year.

You won't have spoilt Christmas for him!

Harkthefubsyangelssing · 22/12/2006 21:37

I told DD thatsome of the FCs in shops were people who pretended to be FC to help the real FC as he was so busy at this time of year. That was why they tended to have dodgy beards. Then she and her friend went to see FC at the garden centre - he had a real white beard - they were awestruck and could hardly speak!

SpicymulledSheraz · 22/12/2006 21:42

I don't believe in Santa any more and i still love Christmas! Make him feel groen up and that he is in on the act in making it special for his younger siblings.

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